mouthporn.net
#fae – @shikai-the-storyteller on Tumblr
Avatar

Resident Robot-Loving Grandma

@shikai-the-storyteller / shikai-the-storyteller.tumblr.com

Posts about art, life, jokes, the occasional story, and robots.
Avatar

My dad has a massive vegetable garden and it is his life. Whenever I ask how things are going, he tells me about the garden. Periodically he will text me a picture of the things he's harvested and ask when I'm coming to pick them up. And for a while, the biggest bit of garden gossip has been his nemesis, the gopher. This gopher was consistently ruining his day by pilfering the best of everything just before my dad could harvest it. Anytime I talked to him, all he had to tell me about was "that damned gopher." He dreamt about killing the gopher, his truest enemy. He tried to train the dog to hunt the gopher, but the dog is a pacifist. He led some of the barn cats to the holes, but the barn cats have unionized and refused his offered rate. He then laid no-kill traps (can't risk having poison near the crops) with eventual gophercide in mind, but then suddenly he was faced with a cute and terrified animal and didn't have the heart. He released it. "He was so scared, he'll never come back." The gopher was back the next day, with a vengeance. That was some weeks ago. Today, my dad sent me pictures of his garden, and I saw a squash gently laid by the gopher's hole, like a package left on the doorstep. I said "Dad, what's that squash doing there by the gopher hole?" He said "Oh, he likes squash best." In an effort to appease the gopher, my father now gives him a little squash everyday, like leaving an offering for a garden spirit. This apparently works well as a compromise; the gopher has stopped stealing, content to have his meals delivered to his door.

Avatar
hyratel

@dovewithscales sounds a bit like Fae Deals donnit?

Leave a little corner of the back field as an offering to the Good Neighbors for a successful harvest

Avatar
Avatar
casgirl

The thing is. I would eat the grapes. I would eat the pomegranate seeds. I would eat the Turkish delights. It doesn’t matter what the stakes are if you put a little plate of snacks out in front of me I’ll eat them.

If you sent me to an evil fantasy realm and told me that if I ate anything I would die a painful terrible death then set a charcuterie board down in front of me that would be it for me. Like it wouldn’t even be like a torturous internal struggle to not eat the cheese. I wouldn’t even need to be that hungry.

Avatar
Avatar
mirkwoodest

I wish the darkest part of the forest was more popular tbh. Like "oh there's a fairy prince trapped in an eternal sleep in a glass casket in the woods like snow white" is nice but then you add "all the town locals have known about him for generations and the teens like to hang out by his casket to get drunk and make out" and you're in for a BANGER of a story.

Avatar
Avatar
prokopetz

The ultimate power move in a vampire/fairy rivalry would be the fairy inviting the vampire over for tea. The vampire has natural dominion over anyone who invites them into their home, the fairy has natural dominion over anyone who violates the laws of hospitality, and neither can refuse the appointment without showing weakness, so it’d just be a constant headgame of the vampire trying to manoueuvre the fairy into a position where the obligations of hospitality allow the vampire to eat them, and the fairy trying to trick the vampire into doing something that would allow the fairy to declare them a poor guest.

Avatar
lynati

You know EVENTUALLY they’re going to get hit with the magical equivalent of being snowed in together, right?

is

is that not the point

next paradox -faeries have power over those who eat fey food -vampires have power over those they feed on even should the vampire successfully bite the faerie theyre still at square one

Schrodinger’s hospitality rules

Avatar
Avatar
protectspock

Loving the idea of earth cryptids/folklore monsters being real only the humans have no idea until after first contact.

Vulcans: Our scientists have questions about the small nocturnal portion of your population that drinks blood and appears virtually immortal. Is there a name for this sub-species?

Humans: THE WHAT?!?!?

Klingon ambassador: "We have noticed your Starfleet has no officers who are Qongbogh chalDaq tlha' Dat loD. Why would you not recruit such fine and obviously powerful members of your population?"

Terran ambassador: "I'm sorry, what? The translator isn't catching that phrase."

Klingon ambassador: "Your Qongbogh chalDaq tlha' Dat loD. You know, the ones who change with your lunar cycles."

Terran ambassador's assistant: "Qongbogh chalDaq tlha' Dat loD? The...wolf men?"

Terran ambassador: "THE WHAT?"

Bajorans: we are very curious about why you have exiled the sub-species with the large extremities to the woods?

Humans: I'm sorry, what?

Bajorans: the hairy people with the big feet?

Humans: ?!

Bajorans: Homo erectus... sasquatchii?

Avatar
redsparrow12

Backround human cadet, wearing mothman boxers under their uniform: I fucking KNEW IT

Avatar

isn’t there a goddess out here willing to turn me into medusa so men can’t look at me without immediately suffering the consequences

Stop being lazy and relying on gods. Quick dry cement exists. Be your own Medusa

“If you don’t have any goddess-bestowed cement powers, store bought is fine”

You are using an unsupported browser and things might not work as intended. Please make sure you're using the latest version of Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Edge.
mouthporn.net