me 2 seconds after going into the tags for a character i like:

ive been laughing at this for 5 hours

i was just in the checkout at wal mart and the lady said “how are you doing tonight” and without thinking i responded “well im at walmart at 1:30 in the morning buying two very small cheesecakes so i could probably be doing better” and i dont know if that was funnyman tumblr jokester chase or genuinely calling for help chase

He jus got the blues

This is my absolute favorite moment from The Adventure Zone

The Director: I don’t expect any gifts from you. I’m you’re employer; frankly that would be, umm.

Magnus : I hand her a coupon for one free back rub.

The Director: This is exactly what I was actually afraid of. This is actually. Magnus. This is the nightmare scenario. 

thor is the friend you call when you wanna do something and all your other friends think it’s boring you could be like “hey, thor, do you wanna take a knitting class with me?” and he’d say sure because he likes learning new midgardian things and he loves you and he’s canonically one of those people that likes seeing the smiles on other people’s faces when they’re doing something they really love to do

The great thing about Thor? He probably loves that shit. Intricate patterns and quite contemplation and STABBING PEOPLE THINGS. His mother ends up with delicately spun Lace Knit shawls, and Jane has at LEAST one knitted lab coat and like seventy sweaters.  Cooking classes mean FOOD. 

Reading circles? Thor is in like eight. 

Bowling? The man throws things for a living. He can and will cheer you on. If there’s beer? Double down on that Asgardian good cheer.  Painting? He’s probably Steves ‘painting in the park’ buddy because Jane likes the park for reading new theories or ranting at Tony about gobledygook quantum physics.  Thor is the ultimate social butterfly, and once you show him the Cool Thing you like to do? He insists on learning it, if only so you have someone marginally knowlegable to geek out with.  He’s also the ine that you can count on for two AM tuna fish sandwiches and philosophy. 

i was talking to my cousin yesterday and he was talking about an accidental mistake he was dealing with, and proceeded to describe it as, “i picked a whole fuckin’ bouquet of whoopsie-daisies” and tbh i’m still thinking about it

// gotta look cool gotta look cool

A king has no sons, no daughters, and no queen. For this reason he must decide who will take the throne after he dies. To do this he decides that he will give all of the children of the kingdom a single seed. Whichever child has the largest, most beautiful plant will earn the throne; this being a metaphor for the kingdom. At the end of the contest all of the children came to the palace with their enormous and beautiful plants in hand. After he looks at all of the children’s pots, he finally decides that the little girl with an empty pot will be the next Queen. Why did he choose this little girl over all of the other children with their beautiful plants.

The seeds were all dead (burned, fake, etc.).  The other kids cheated and got different seeds and planted them.  The little girl didn’t cheat and was not able to grow anything because the seed was dead.  She was the only one who didn’t cheat.

damn

Nothing like original fairy tales! 

i get the moral it’s trying to convey but that king is an idiot and the kingdom’s doomed. you don’t appoint an honest kid who will forthrightly admit a failure like that to leadership of a country, you put that kid in charge of like… the army, or something. the department of agriculture. 

i’d send out dead seeds, then appoint the kid with the biggest and most beautiful plant anyway. ideally the same kind of plant as the dead seeds were from. and ideally a kid with a really good pokerface. that kid knows:

a) how to perceive failure early (a well developed second plant means they knew how soon the first seeds should sprout and didn’t fuck around when they didn’t) 

b) how to fix the situation (a second plant of the same species means they got someone to help them identify the seeds and plant more, or are observant enough to do it themselves)

c) how to get the best people for a job in to do it (kids aren’t great gardeners. a beautiful science project probably means mom did all the work— just what you want from a child ruler and their regent)

all around, that kid (or their mom) is the kind of devious results-oriented bald-faced liar you want to go toe-to-toe with the lords of your country and the rulers of your neighbors. not a little kid who admits defeat so early and in a situation with such high stakes. ‘whoops i didn’t grow a plant’ sounds a lot less sweet when you phrase it like ‘i give up on ruling my country’. 

you know, i think i’d also send agents out to encourage the kids to destroy each other’s plants. let’s see who’s good at seige warfare, too.

This blog is rated PG for pretty gay.