Break Me for.... Sen and whomever you choose!

The pains started in the middle of the night. Kazama had been jerked awake by a low-sounding keen coming from his wife. IT took a minute or two for him to clear his mind of his disorientation before he could process what was going on. His eyes met Sen’s, and she didn’t need to say anything. He knew what was needed.

And that was the last time he saw Sen. He had flown out of their room in search of someone to find the midwife. He knew once he alerted the staff, he wouldn’t be allowed into the room, but he hadn’t thought about that until a few hours after the fact. At first, he had allayed some of his worries by telling himself it would only be a few hours. Sen was strong.

The sun had risen and set, and still no baby. He had tried to soothe his nerves with sake, but that had lost its effect, and he was reduced to pacing and snapping at every servant that entered the room. 

“Kazama-sama?”

Kazama was jerked from his thoughts by the tremulous voice, and he glared at its owner. “What is it?” 

“I thought you’d want to know…”

“Is the child born?”

The woman shook her head, eyes wide with fear. “I’m afraid not, Kazama-sama. There’s been…it’s complicated.”

Kazama stormed up to her, his nose coming close to hers. He heard her gasp, and he was glad that he was upsetting her. “I don’t care what’s going on…all I know is that my wife and child better be fine when it’s all done.”

“I-I’ll try, Kazama-sama, but I can’t guarantee it.”

He didn’t want to hear any more. He shoved the woman back as he stalked away, and she stumbled. He heard her scurry out of the room. Kazama’s vision was clouded, and he stomped as he continued his pacing. How dare they approach him with no news! 

After a few minutes of pacing, Kazama had sufficiently released his anger, and he now, he was being consumed by another emotion. One he wasn’t used to. He wished he had asked for more information because now he had no idea what was making the birth so complicated. Were they both really in danger.

What if I lose her?

That was an uncomfortable thought. Kazama flopped down onto a cushion, a shiver running through his body at the thought of the woman he had shared his bed with for the past year no longer being around. As he imagined what it would be like, he found that he would miss that mischievous sparkle in her eyes, and her stubbornness. 

Then, there was the way she laughed with a becoming smile, and how she responded to him as they took their pleasure. No woman had driven him as crazy as she had, and he was starting to question if he would ever find another one like her if Sen were to die.

He grew quiet and remained seated on the cushion. The pressure in his chest increased as his thoughts continued to swirl around the very real possibility that he would never see Sen again.

I didn’t say anything to her before I left, he bemoaned.  And he knew then that he would regret that.

Time slipped away until finally, a harried woman approached him. Kazama looked up at her, and he must’ve looked as wrecked as he felt because her answering expression was tender. 

“Kazama-sama…you have a daughter.”

He was shocked to stillness. He took a moment to think this through, and when he was able to understand it, he rose. “And Sen?”

“She is well. Tired but well. She will recover.”

Kazama swept past the woman, not bothering to ask permission to see Sen. He needed to see her. Now. He entered the room to see Sen lying on the futon, her face drawn and pale. He cast his gaze around the room and found the infant with the midwife, being wiped down. 

Kazama swiftly stalked over to the futon and knelt beside it. He had the urge to reach out and brush Sen’s hair out of her face, but he was still uncomfortable with showing any sort of affection. His hands remained in his lap.

“Chikage…” she murmured.

“We have a daughter,” he reported as if she didn’t already know.

Sen’s smile was wane. “Yes. She decided she wanted to come feet first. She’s going to be difficult like her father.”

Normally, Kazama would be incensed by her barb, but he couldn’t bring himself to be upset. He was still trying to process the fullness in his chest from the swelling of his heart and the relief he felt at having Sen still at his side. 

thank you so much for your hakuouki doodles. they make me so, so happy ... last night i was crying over stuff so i went and looked through them and they made me laugh even when i was that upset (the way you draw saito cracks me up for some reason, i think it's the little hair sprouts he has on top. i just want to make them go "boing")

Okay well.. that actually meant a lot more than you can probably guess. At first I was really happy to receive such a nice message about my doodles, but when you told that they can really cheer you up that much.. it kinda felt like I had reached something I didn’t even know I was aiming for. Like really, thank you for letting me know this.

It’s pretty long story and I’ll probably make another post about it sometimes, but originally the reason I made this blog was because I was desperate to find a small escape from reality. Making doodles and this kind fandom made me smileand helped me to get breaks from stressful and a bit uncertain everyday life I was stuck with. Things are better now, been quite some time and currently I’m keeping this blog simply because it’s too fun to leave.

So now hearing that my doodlings have helped somebody in a similar way they used to help me truly means a lot. It makes me very glad that I could make others smile even when they’re upset or down.