Voting Accomplished

I finally finished my absentee ballot. 

Though I forgot how ridiculous ballots can be. 

“Here’s a list of judge names with absolutely no information. Do you want to give significant power to this person you know nothing about?”

The internet wasn’t much help either. I could only find basic bios on some very outdated websites. The best I could do was figure out who appointed the judges originally. If it was a Republican, I voted no. If it was a Democrat, I voted yes. 

Also, there was this guy…

I was going to vote no just on his picture alone. But that became much less shallow when I discovered he was a pro-life Republican. 

Beyond that, there was a measure about bingo. (The blue-haired lady lobby is very powerful in Missouri.) 

There was a measure about reducing the smoking areas in riverboat casinos. (One vice at a time people!) 

And my favorite was “Shall there be a Charter Commission to revise and amend the Charter?” 

That’s all it said.

How many charters can a charter commission charter, if a charter commission could charter charters?

Only the woodchuck knows. 

There was also a proposal to help fund our zoo’s conservation efforts. It felt good to vote for that. St. Louis doesn’t have a lot going for it, but we have one of the best zoos in the world. They do amazing research and are now stepping up their conservation efforts. They bought an entire golf course and said, “We’re going to save animals here now. Go whack your balls elsewhere!” 

My biggest disappointment was the lack of an “I voted” sticker. Apparently us absentee voters aren’t good enough for stickers. 

How is my social media following supposed to know I voted? The “I voted” selfie is an important part of the voting process.

Am I just supposed to write about how I voted like an animal?

Try ballotready.org. You put in your address and it gives you everyone and everything that you will be voting on along with a break down of what each measure means and what experts on both sides say.