Spock Lolita is most logical.

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@tommyelliotofficial

A Star Trek idea: A comedy sitcom where instead of a Vulcan on a mostly human ship it is a human on a mostly Vulcan ship

All the Vulcans are fiercely protective of the ‘fragile, illogical, prone-to-danger, smart, reckless little human’.

To make the human feel more accepted (as it is only logical) the Vulcans try to include aspects of terran culture in the ship’s day-to-day life, failing spectacularly at it.

The human loves them even more for it.

They’ll get better at celebrating the human’s birthday next year. It’s the thought that counts.

“To all mankind – may we never find space so vast, planets so cold, heart and mind so empty that we cannot fill them with love and warmth.” · 📸: @puck90

· · In frame: @krystinaarielle Desirae Rogers @alizapearl · #StarTrek #cosplay #blackgirlmagic #blackcosplayerhere #cosplayanyway (at Vasquez Rocks)

i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like “wow humans are fucking wild” and took it

Humanity’s first contact with Vulcans was some guy going “I’m down to fuck.”

Vulcans’ first contact with Humans was an emphatic “Sure.”

@sineala

#iiiiiiiiiiiiii mean vulcans had been watching humans for a long time#they knew the significance of a handshake but still#they had to find some fast and loose ambassador#willing to fuckin make out with a human for the sake of not offending them on first contact#lmao#star trek give me the story of this fast and loose vulcan

“sir…these…these humans…they greet each other by…” *glances around before furtively whispering* “by clasping hands…”

*prolonged silence* “oh my…”

“sir…sir how will we make first contact with them? surely we…we cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??”

*several pensive moments later* “contact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, he’ll put his hands on anything”

Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: “….my day has come.”

The vulcan who made first contact with humans is named Solkar guys. Y’all just be makin’ up names for characters that already have names.

Bonus: here’s a screencap of Solkar doing the “my body is ready” pose right before he shakes Zefram Cochrane’s hand:

I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they are “distant xenophobes” or “horny on main for humanity”. Also apparently this guy is Spock’s great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.

Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkar’s descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so I’m not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkar’s descendants and humans, but I’m also not….not….saying that.

the thing about Spock is, like, whenever he comes in for a checkup or whatever, McCoy’s all like “god these readings are so fucked but that’s normal for you so… carry on i guess”

but unless I’m wrong about this (and I could be, i’m not That Deep into the lore yet) Spock is one of the first (if not the first) documented Vulcan-Human hybrid to survive into adulthood? so there actually isn’t an established normal for him. like you can take all the readings you want when he’s at rest and seems to be in good health and extrapolate from those, you can make predictions based on the norms of Vulcan anatomy and human anatomy, but there’s so much range between the two and so little precedent that there are bound to be unknowns

like

spock has two sets of eyelids and no one else knew about this until he temporarily went blind. if an entire second set of eyelids could come as a surprise just imagine what else is going on under the surface. there are so many question marks here.

i feel like this is what McCoy thinks about at 3am

Spock: Nothing to worry about, doctor, my Superior Vulcan Physiology ™ and I are in perfect operating condition

McCoy, watching the medical tricorder go the most batshit it’s ever gone during a routine physical examination:

im really losing my shit thinking about vulcan childrens music and television. who could forget such hits as “3 is an appropriate number” and “walking in the street could lead to maiming or death”

the vulcan equivalent of the wiggles is just 3 normally dressed individuals reciting multiplication tables in unison

like i know there are a lot of fics out there where other vulcans are all “oh man, jim kirk’s so freakin HOT how’d spock get in his pants” but IF ANYTHING it’s actually the reverse. spock shows up on vulcan one day with Jim on his arm and all the other vulcans are OUTRAGED. They’ve spent years mooning (logically) over spock’s flaxen bowl cut. his dark eyes. his slightly lax emotional control that gives him just a hint of the “bad boy” vibe that we all know vulcans secretly go wild for. Sarek receives like a thousand bonding proposals a year from VSA graduates who all have google alerts set to notify them when spock gets a new xeniobiology article published. and then they find out. that the object of their (totally logical) affections. had the equivalent of a las vegas wedding with the human captain of his starfleet ship while in the middle of a five year mission. vulcans may be too logical to riot but on that day, a good many vulcans had to meditate for an extra hour or two just to contain their rage

This is the sci fi equivalent to that post about Gimli son of Gloin, the Stud of Erebor

@words-writ-in-starlight SOMEONE MADE AN EQUIVALENT POST

It always haunts me in ‘Who mourns for Adonais?’ how Apollo has no visible nipples

where

where are they

In the book Star Trek Costumes the actor said that he had to put tape over his nipples because “for television we can’t have nipples showing”

Also, that actor called it his golden tutu!

But kirk’s nipples are ok tho?

Amok Time was a special occasion

tities out for pon farr

I approve of this post.

I think the best thing about Amok Time is that it is canon that satisfying the Pon Farr is equivalent to marriage on Vulcan. Usually this is done with sex, and since T’Pring challenged the winner would have gotten to marry her via sex while the loser would have been dead…

but since Jim didn’t die, spock satisfied his Pon Farr with him, AND he did no frickle frackle with T’Pring, for all intents and purposes, Jim and Spock are canonically married by Vulcan law.

And idk I just picture that the next time T’Pau calls spock she’s just like “and how fares your husband” and spock is just like “hold up what husband.”

T’Pau: “your husband. James Kirk.”

Spock: “gRANDMOTHER THE CAPTAIN IS NOT MY HUSBAND. YOU ARE MIXING UP THE ENGLISH WORDS AGAIN.”

T’Pau: “You rolled with him in the sands and did not die. He lives and therefore he is your husband. You rOLLED WITH HIM IN THE SACRED SANDS GRANDSON. Also your father and mother believe he is. Your mother has knitted him sweaters.”

IMPORTANT ADDITION EVERYONE REBLOG:

On TOP of this before they’ve probably gotten married for the sake of the mission more than once. Like, Jim will always ask Spock because hey, strengthening my bond with my second is a Good Idea and Spock’s argument is the same like “Yeah it is logical to strengthen my bond with my captain.”

Alien of the week: and finally, to prove your acceptance of our culture, we deeply wish for someone on board to preform the ultra special bonding ceremony that is super important to our culture

Jim, grinning wryly at spock: hey, wanna get married again?

Spock, sighing logically; for the 24th time captain, there is no one I would rather marry

Jim: *heart eyes*

Bones: OH MY GOD WHY CANT YOU JUST GET MARRIED ON EARTH

Star Trek can make as many new series and movies as they like, and still nothing will ever truly beat the golden awkwardness of this one shining minute of dialogue.

Someone stop me please

Chewbacca… his arms open.

This is some NEXT LEVEL nerd-ing and I nearly cried reading it.

I don’t get it

Please explain ;_;

There is a star trek TNG episode where Picard encounters a race that doesn’t speak in actual structured sentences but conveys ideas through story parralels. The ones referenced here are “Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra” - cooperation, “Shaka, when the walls fell” - failure and Temba, his arms wide/open" - signifying a gift.

http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Tamarian_language

nice

OK, but here’s what’s awesome/hilarious about this.

The whole point about why communicating with the Tamarians was so frustrating was because all of their communication was contextual. The problem wasn’t that Picard couldn’t understand what words they were saying (the universal translator worked fine) the problem was that he didn’t understand what THOSE WORDS TOGETHER HAD TO DO WITH ANYTHING.

Why is this hilarious/fascinating to me? Because this is essentially what people are doing today with memes. They are posting pictures and writing sentences THAT MAKE NO SENSE WITHOUT PRIOR CONTEXT.

If Picard beamed down right now, and you told him that Data is a cinnamon roll… you are a Tamarian.

#tfw ur son is just fucking dropping bones out of his mouth#like they’re just falling loose onto the floor#tfw when your child is just fucking decomposing and your alien wife is having a laugh

#Help I married a space orc

Amanda kneels down like “Oh, sweetie, you’re getting so big!  You’re already losing your baby teeth!”

Sarek feels his soul begin to leave his body.

I wanna read the Star Trek fanfic about all the places the crew “discovers” only to find that a Chabad House has been there for years.

And whenever the humans meet the indigenous aliens, the aliens ask in heavily accented Basic, “Excuse me, but are you Jewish?”

Whenever the starship crashes on an unknown planet, the main body of fresh water has two parts: the drinking water and the mikvah. And there’s always a mikvah lady. Always.

There is no evidence of a starship or shuttle she could’ve arrived, but somehow she’s there.

There is a theory circling among alien scientists that every human settlement has at least 2 synagogues: one to go to and one to never set foot in as long as they live. This observation has led to a whole new branch of science that seeks to determine which humans go to which synagogue.

Some scientists, after years of study, have simply given up and opted for something easier. Like quantum mechanics.

Some aliens have discovered that the easiest way to keep pesky humans off their planet is to tell them that there is nothing safe to drink but Manischewitz.

The saying goes, “To your usual enemies, send torpedos. To your worst enemy, send a Vulcan Talmud scholar.”

—Spock’s World by Diane Duane

Amanda no

there’s only 3 genders: command, engineering, and science/medical

has anyone made a memes on board the enterprise post

- “is that a jeffries tube” steadily evolves from pointing at engineering equipment to at any ship equipment, then any tech at all, then anything. literally anything. [points at collection of rocks] is that a jeffries tube

- calling people ‘ensign’ when they fuck up / calling people ‘commander’ when they do good

- if jim overhears anyone complaining about anything trivial he throws an arm over their shoulders and says “you want to be captain, you say? you want to run this ship? be in charge of and responsible for this many people of this many species? you wanna lead negotiations with [insert next diplomacy mission here]? well why didnt you say so earlier!!!” then he starts trying to lead them to the bridge

- if they let him he will take them to the bridge and sit them in the charge & tell bridge they have the conn. and then refuse to do anything captain-y

- one time an ensign actually ran a first contact mission cause of this. it was a success apart from the thing with the fruit juice

- security officers travel at the speed of light

- especially if it’s a false alarm

- telling variations of the Scotty Transporting The Admiral’s Dog story, including ‘scotty beheads the admiral’s wife’, ‘scotty bodyswaps the admiral and his dog’, ‘scotty clones the dog’ and ‘everything is exactly the same but the admiral only communicates through mime’

- away mission bingo cards

- away mission superstitions

- theres a bed in the med bay with jim’s name on it. then one with spock’s. then sulu’s

- theories on what having your own med bay bed means, mostly revolving around bones being secretly married to people

- “this is just like that time on [prefix]-[random nearby object]-[suffix]”