god striking me down

me: wow things are actually going really well for once!

the crippling anxiety, waiting in the corner:

REMEMBER SKIP-IT FROM THE 90’S

my weapon of choice during school yard fights 

Judge magazine, 1921

this has been a mood for nearly 100 years now

What secret will you take to your grave?

In Dutch, when you boil an egg and then place it into cold water to make it easier to peel an egg, it’s called “to scare” the eggs.

One day when I was about 6 or 7, my mom asked me to “scare” the eggs. So, little joker I was, lifted the lid of the pan and yelled “BOOO!”

My mom cracked up and has been telling this story ever since, for over 20 years. She’s come to love the story and still truly thinks that I wanted to really “scare” the eggs. Truth is I knew what “scaring an egg” meant and only wanted to make her laugh because she was in a sad place and time back then.

It’s made her laugh for over 20 fucking years, that means it’s the best joke I’ve ever pulled off and I’d die before I’d let her find out I was just kidding.

This is the sweetest thing.

you fucks better start using colored text everywhere like you’re a school girl who just got a pack of glitter pens for her 12th birthday

Or a pen with multiple colors

*click* *click* *click* *click* *click* *click* *click* *cliiiiiiiick*

on all levels except physical I’m already retired and living in a cozy cottage where I grow plums in my garden

me when my mom says we’re getting mcdonalds

Jesus Christ what is happening

we’re going to mcdonalds

Big ADHD mood

me: thinks abt c*ddling for 2 minutes me @ myself: shut the hell up u aren’t in a John green novel. grow up and move on.