Jack is a big guy; tall, broad shouldered, thighs and arms thick with muscle from years of hockey. He’s comfortable in his body, happy with what it allows him to do on the ice, and more recently, with Bitty.
It’s just, ever since that first major growth spurt -where he shot up almost overnight to stand a head taller than his peers and taller than his mom, and almost at a height to look his dad in the eye without tilting his head- ever since then, he hasn’t really been held.
He’s gotten hugs, of course, his family is demonstrative and affectionate, but since he’s bigger than most people who might hug him, or throw a casual arm around him, or be inclined to do something like cuddle, well, it always feels like he is the one doing the hugging, like he’s the active party and not the receiver of the affection. It changes the whole dynamic when in order to toss an arm over your shoulders, you’re required to physically lower yourself to facilitate the casual maneuver; it kind of renders the whole thing an uncomfortably moot point.
So, this thing with Bitty is…a surprise. Bitty is, well, small. So much smaller than Jack (though the boy certainly compensates with his personality; Jack thinks that most people who meet Eric Bittle have no idea he’s under six feet tall because he’s got so much heart, but he admits to being biased.)
So, the fact that Bitty makes Jack feel enveloped in his affection is as surprising as it is amazing. Bitty wraps his arm around Jack’s waist, and Jack feels the embrace like a favorite quilt around his shoulders. Bitty hugs him from behind, and Jack feels warm all over. Bitty drapes himself over Jack’s shoulders while he sits at Bitty’s desk to study, and Jack feels loved. Even when Jack hugs Bitty, holds him close while they watch a movie, drags him into his side with a hand on his graceful shoulder, Jack still feels like he’s the one being held, and that is some kind of magic.
His favorite thing though, even though he hasn’t figured out the physics of it, because surely it shouldn’t actually work, things shouldn’t align properly, but somehow they do, and Bitty can somehow spoon up behind Jack and hold him close, and make Jack feel small. Small in the best possible way; not insignificant, not incapable, just precious. Treasured. Bitty cradles him, and it’s effortless, it’s like two puzzle pieces clicking into place.
The first time it happened, Jack had frozen for just a moment, having long since become unaccustomed to the feeling of being so wrapped up in someone’s arms. Bitty had pressed a sleepy kiss to the back of his neck, traced a lazy pattern into his naked chest, and snuggled closer with a tired drawl of a “G’ night, Jack,” and Jack had just melted into the embrace, into Bitty.
He had slept better that night than he had in ages.
So now, it’s a regular occurrence, and of course he’s not always the little spoon, and the feeling of Bitty’s lithe, powerful body curled into his chest is a singular pleasure that Jack marvel at being able to experience, but every single time he gets to be the one to burrow into Eric, to feel his breath evening out and puffing warm and steady against his shoulder, it’s like time travel. It takes Jack back to a time and place where he was small and loveable and unspoiled by bad decisions. It makes him feel loved and worthy, Bitty makes him feel loved, and worthy.
And that makes Jack feel a hundred feet tall.
******
Thank you @bicanthrope for the inspiration!
