You always wanted to be a Healer. Unfortunately, your dad was an Necromancer and your mother a Demon Summoner. So your healing was a bit… unconventional to say the least.

“WHO SUMMONS ATRANOR, DEVOURER OF- OH IT’S YOU AGAIN.”

“Yeah. I have a patient with an inoperable tumor in her brain. I need you to drag it, and only it, to hell.”

“YES YES I AM FAMILIAR WITH YOUR BIZARRE STIPULATIONS BY NOW. AS YOU SHOULD BE FAMILIAR WITH THE PRICE THAT MUST BE PAID.”

“Right, here’s your goat.”

“OOH, IS THAT CHIPOTLE RANCH?”

“Yup.”

“THE CONTRACT IS SEALED.”

do you guys wanna see my favorite video on the internet yes you do

HES SO HAPPY HE JUST LOVES FANS SO MUCH

Likes to charge reblogs to FUCKING cast

Please for the love of god. You should be able to change controls WITHOUT TAKING YOUR EYES OF THE ROAD. There is no reason to have to look at a SCREEEN while DRIVING

this can’t be real

He put them together at the kids table that doesn’t exist I’m fucking crying

its easy to make fun of this (and i think we should) but its also important to note the description of this new department that trump has given

[transcript: "together, these two wonderful americans will pave the way for my administration to dismantle government bureaucracy, slash excess regulations, cut wasteful expenditures, and restructure federal agencies - essential to the 'save america' movement," trump wrote. "i look forward to elon and vivek making changes to the federal bureaucracy with an eye on efficiency and, at the same time, making life better for all americans."]

to be clear: trump is planning to create a new department whose purpose is literally to deregulate and defund government oversight. this will lead to corporations having greater freedom to fuck over consumers while making more money, and he is putting two billionaires in charge of it.

sure, maybe this is just a ploy to keep them quiet. giving them the illusion of power in exchange for backing him. but lets not forget all the regulations trump cut during his last term

which has directly led to the constant recalls of consumer goods and foodstuffs over the past several years. the recent e coli outbreak at mcdonalds? the boars head listeria recall? these are the products of deregulation. getting rid of laws and standards that protect consumers by making sure money hungry corporations dont cut corners.

the funny name is a smokescreen. keep your eye on these fuckers.

#577, a pheasant pigeon!

Requests for birds are open, updates happen on Thursdays. [project tag] | [kofi]

"But how can you justify a player character with a (non-disinherited) noble background in a dungeon-crawling fantasy game" well, the most obvious approach is a fantasy setting whose nobility practices cognatic primogeniture where, instead of "first son inherits, second son goes into the military, third son becomes a priest", it's "first son inherits, second son goes into the military, third son becomes an adventurer". From the player's perspective, it handily explains why the title comes with little material support from the family; from the family's perspective, there's an unspoken understanding that most of the spare heirs will be eaten by a dragon (or whatever), thereby simplifying the inheritance situation, and the few survivors will become great assets.

(There is, of course, the possibility that a surviving third son, having grown powerful and understandably harbouring some slight resentment, may return, kill his elder brothers with dark magic, and take over the dynasty, but in practice this almost never happens.)

... couldn't Adventuring just be the fantasy equivalent of "Father send me to the War against the French to learn command and bravery". Except it's dungeons, magic and monsters.

Unfortunately not. One of the reasons it was traditional for the second son to go into the military is because it carried a warrior's prestige without being especially dangerous in practice; any noble family of means would be able to purchase them an officer's commission that would keep them off of the front lines, and you don't actually want the second son to be in constant mortal peril, because you need a backup heir in case the eldest son dies unexpectedly. Being an adventurer – at least as depicted in most fantasy dungeon-crawler settings – carries too much real danger to play that role.

It could also be used as a punishment! Maybe the first or secondborn did something to earn their parents' ire and in order win it back they need to go adventuring.

(After writing that I realize I did just describe Zuko but my thought process was more along the lines of... the parents are actually giving their kid something achievable lol.)

Or it could be a literal quest. Elderly father with a physically fit kid, or perhaps a magic-studying freak kid, "Go, my son, retrieve your grandmother's enchanted necklace from the lich king." If the DM has a problem with wealth - Kid gets robbed two days into his quest, party NEEDS to buy something expensive, the people in the upcoming village only trade in seaglass, etc.

Like literally there's so many ways to approach this sort of thing and tbh more players and DMs alike need to like... be creative and NOT say "you can't have this benign and possibly inconsequential character trait because it doesnt make sense or its impractical."

Like... yes you can! A lot of DMs say no to letting their players have evil characters because it disrupts party goals but like... I've played lawful evil characters and they don't disrupt the party. Their goals have just also Aligned with what the party wants/they need the party to function in order to get what they want.

I'm also playing a monstrosity in my next campaign. I went online to see what most people had to say about playing literal beasts and most of it amounted to "You CANNOT play an animal because you need to TALK to your party members and its such a huge problem to not talk!" So many people were saying this. So. Many.

I thought that was horseshit, but I brought it up with my DM anyway and the convo went as follows: Him: ":/ As the arbiter of this world I decree that your beast can speak. Problem solved." Me, intentionally parroting something I saw online: "but HOW can I speak?" Him: "idk you're creative figure out a fun reason. I GUESS i could come up with something myself but I assume you'd like the freedom to make up your own backstory?" Me: "Hell yeah!"

idk people always saying "This can't work!" outside of stats and math kinda sounds like a skill issue to me

Reblog if you're a partially muscled skeleton screaming for 30 seconds by the perimeter fence on November 14th

Grieve AND organize.

Good article by David Hunter on how to survive the Trump presidency, both on the personal and on the political plane.

This is an excellent article. It talks about the psychology of tyranny, the history of resistance and the paths we have to take to rescue each other and recover.

Sumerian Veteran: *has severe PTSD but doesn't know it because the term won't be invented for another 5000 years* I fight the same battle in my dreams every night and my relationship with my family has fallen apart.

Sumerian Healer: *saw hundreds of veterans with the exact same affliction before* You're cursed by desert demons.

actually we have recorded texts of sumerian warriors describing symptoms that closely match ptsd, and the diagnoses was not desert demons, but rather "Those dudes you killed are still attacking you with their ghosts because you killed them"

Remind me to thank John for a lovely weekend. JURASSIC PARK (1993) Dir. Steven Spielberg

honey is the only food product that never spoils. there are pots of honey that are over five thousand years old and still completely edible

i also want to point out we know it tastes the same even after thousands of years b/c archaeologists who discovered two thousand year old honey tasted it. presumably right after they looked at each other and went “what the hell here goes nothing”

I’m pretty sure they also identify human remains by taste. Archaeologists are straight up freaks.

No, no no… you identify bone from rock or other substances by touching it to your tongue. If it sticks, it’s bone. The taste itself has nothing to do with it. And most archaeologists won’t lick human bones if they know they’re human.

…and I realize that doesn’t actually do much to prove archaeologists aren’t freaks.

mai nam is jane and wen i dig i fynde some roks both smol and big i put my tung upon the stone for science yes i lik the bone

I’m sitting with a bunch of archaeologists and we just laughed so hard we CRIED we’re getting tshirts with this on them

I will never ever get tired of seeing bredlik poems. It is really one of the seminal art forms of the century. I am not being sarcastic. 

If I ever don’t reblog this, assume I’m dead and archaeologists are licking my bones.

The last one killed me!!

I beat it was an archeaologist…

best commentary on the 2023 furby design

The fact that you can’t raise taxes on billionaires even slightly without them pouring money into fascist political movements is, of itself, evidence that billionaires as a class shouldn’t be allowed to exist in the first place.

I’d just like to point out that every single thing that has happened in the 6 years since I created this post has only reinscribed its absolute moral correctness in my mind.