Asexual Awareness Week

Wrote this up on the last day of Asexual Awareness Week and then never posted it anywhere but FB. Whoops.

I'm Ace. That's short for asexual. It means I don't experience sexual attraction. I don't look at people and think "I would so bang them." If you've ever heard me say that, what I really mean is "I find them aesthetically attractive and probably wouldn't mind cuddling or drawing them."

For a really long time I mistook aesthetic attraction for sexual attraction. I also mistook friendship for romantic attraction (some of my friends have had to go through the awkwardness of me going "but I /like/ like you" only for me to realize whoops no I just don't understand what the hell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings are).

I identify as quoiromantic/WTFromantic, which means I struggle to differentiate between platonic and romantic feelings. I struggle with romantic feelings period. I've never really felt something I would call love. Loyalty, adoration, pride... but nothing that feels like love to me, by my own definition of what it should feel like. Quoiromantics fall under the aromantic spectrum.

So I'm AroAce. I don't experience sexual or romantic attraction to people, and honestly couldn't define what those things even are because I've never felt them. I can still develop strong emotional bonds with people. I can still have sex and have a libido and experience desire. I've never /enjoyed/ sex, but I am completely capable of having it.

Asexuality isn't the same thing as celibacy either. There are asexuals who have sex because it feels good, or because they like to make their partner feel good, or for a variety of other reasons. Literally the only defining factor of an asexual is that they don't feel sexual attraction toward other people. They can have a really high sex drive but have it not directed at anyone (most of the best porn artists I know are asexual).

Due to being on the aromantic spectrum, I don't form crushes on people. I form squishes. These are desires to form a close platonic bond with someone, usually "stronger" or more "intense" than a regular friendship. Ever heard the term queerplatonic relationship? These can't really be defined because they're different for everyone. But as an example: I could happily live with my best friends for the rest of my life with no sexual or romantic partners (I'd probably still like a cuddlebuddy or two though).

The want to be physical, but not sexual, with a person is called sensual attraction. This also differs for everyone. For me I just really want to cuddle. I like hugs, I like holding hands, I like cuddling. I don't like kissing. Like at all :| Other asexuals do. They also might like making out or foreplay but not sex.

It really boils down to: Asexuality is a spectrum, same as sexuality, and due to our society as a whole being allosexual (someone who does experience sexual attraction) we had to break up our attractions into smaller bits. Hence romantic, aesthetic, and sensual attractions. And every one of us is different. We had to make up new terms and words like squishes or queerplatonic relationships. There are also asexuals who only feel sexual attraction once they've developed a deep emotional bond with someone. They're called demisexuals. There are asexuals that only sometimes or every rarely feel sexual attraction. Those are gray-asexuals.

No, we're not special snowflakes or broken or sick or anything like that. We just don't experience sexual attraction. Some, like me, don't experience romantic attraction either. Some have had sex, or still have sex, or want to have sex. They just don't find anyone sexually attractive. That's it that's all. And yes, we /do/ get discriminated against. People telling us we just haven't met the right person, or that they should try a libido-boosting drug like viagra, or that we can be 'cured', or that we're afraid of sex, or that it's just a phase.

You're never too young - or old! - to realize (or think) you're asexual. Just like any other sexuality in this heteronormative society, there's not a lot of information on sexualities that aren't heterosexual. And all too often children are told they are too young to understand their own sexuality, yet heterosexual kids aren't too young to understand theirs. It's usually around age 10 that allosexuals first experience sexual attraction, so really, you're never too young.

Also, also, also, you can have different romantic and sexual and sensual and aesthetic attractions. Maybe you're homosexual but biromantic and bisensual and panaesthetic. Or heterosexual but aromantic and pansensual and heteroaesthetic. Or demisexual but lithoromantic and omnisensual and biaesthetic.

So, uh, yeah. I think that's everything I had to say on that.

....Well this kind of turned into a clusterfuck of a long thing. Ah well. If you have any questions, comment or PM me, I don't mind answering!