@shadderstag-old / shadderstag-old.tumblr.com
Platonic love is not a runner up to romantic love. Platonic love isn’t second place. Platonic love isn’t less real, less valid or less powerful than romantic love. Don’t let your platonic love take a back seat to romantic love.
if you think heteroromantic asexuals and aromantic heterosexuals are lgbt i want you to explain to me why
personally it’s my belief that to be straight you have to be both heterosexual and heteroromantic
lemme tell you though fucking dealing with all the sexuality is p overbearing as a whole, and the fact that romance is considered the end all goal its kinda awful that it’s just expected of any of us. I compare it to how some people in the lgbt community don’t think bisexuals are supposed to be here too
like fucking make up your mind right? nah man
Look im aware that the things that i say may not convince you but like as an asexual i believe that its good to include other asexuals and aromantics just how its ok for a bisexual person to be in a “straight” relationship and still be apart of the community.
I literally just had a discussion with someone on Twitter about this, and used the same comparison with bi-erasure when they’re in “straight” relationships.
Heteroromantic asexuals and aromantic heterosexuals deal with the exact same erasure that bisexual people in “straight” relationships do. If you don’t think that’s a kind of discrimination I’ve got news for you. Aros and aces of all shades are told they’re broken, that they just haven’t found the right person, that they’re not really attracted to their partner if it’s not sexual and/or romantic in nature. Whether their gender identities happen to be opposite sides on the binary spectrum or not has zero effect on this erasure and attempts to “correct” what society sees as broken.
Heteroromantic asexuals and aromantic heterosexuals are just as valid as any other queer person, and to say otherwise is saying “your identity doesn’t matter”. Which is absolutely shitty for the queer community - a community that is supposed to be about acceptance and providing a safe haven for all those not accepted by this cishet society we’ve been born into - to do. We are the last people who should be doing any flavor of gatekeeping.
It sickens and saddens me that the queer community has become just as judgmental as the very people we’ve fought so hard to be accepted by. I no longer feel any sort of pride in saying I’m queer, because the community has become so toxic towards anyone who doesn’t fit into the frankly narrow box of what does and doesn’t count as “queer enough”.
I do believe they belong somewhere. And I’m not saying They are straight. I’m saying that society would see their relationship as straight. Any outside person would think the it my were straight.
I have friends who are ace who have had really shitty experiences because they were ace. It’s not a aro/aces are not straight. But in many cases experience the same privileges. It’s. Confusing for me because I believe they belong somewhere because they aren’t straight. But I don’t feel like it’s the same thing as LGBT. They don’t live in the same fear that trans and same gender attracted people do.
It’d just be nice to be included you know especially for asexuals like me who arent hetero in any form!
It feels wrong to not also include people who i identify with in a safe place that i also identify with strongly.
Many people say asexuals and aros shouldnt be included because theyre all like hetero romantic n things like that and how they dont understand the experience of othet lgbt folk but there are also queer asexuals and if we cant include them it feels wrong its like denying a part of myself.
I understand what you mean but i guess we just disagree about the subject!
Why are we using how much someone fears for their life as a measure of whether they belong in the queer community or not? In that case “passing” trans people and bisexual or pansexual people who happen to be in “straight” relationships wouldn’t be allowed in either.
Why does it matter what outside people think? So what if people think they’re straight? People think I’m a girl all the time, because I’m a femme NB trans dude. Does that make me less trans? Am I not part of the community because cishet society thinks I’m one of them?
Gatekeeping people simply because they don’t follow your life’s narrative is bullshit. I’m sorry but this sounds like segregation and we need to be united not further divided, especially in this day and age when we are still fighting for equal rights for even the most basic privileges.
if you think heteroromantic asexuals and aromantic heterosexuals are lgbt i want you to explain to me why
personally it’s my belief that to be straight you have to be both heterosexual and heteroromantic
lemme tell you though fucking dealing with all the sexuality is p overbearing as a whole, and the fact that romance is considered the end all goal its kinda awful that it’s just expected of any of us. I compare it to how some people in the lgbt community don’t think bisexuals are supposed to be here too
like fucking make up your mind right? nah man
Look im aware that the things that i say may not convince you but like as an asexual i believe that its good to include other asexuals and aromantics just how its ok for a bisexual person to be in a “straight” relationship and still be apart of the community.
I literally just had a discussion with someone on Twitter about this, and used the same comparison with bi-erasure when they’re in “straight” relationships.
Heteroromantic asexuals and aromantic heterosexuals deal with the exact same erasure that bisexual people in “straight” relationships do. If you don’t think that’s a kind of discrimination I’ve got news for you. Aros and aces of all shades are told they’re broken, that they just haven’t found the right person, that they’re not really attracted to their partner if it’s not sexual and/or romantic in nature. Whether their gender identities happen to be opposite sides on the binary spectrum or not has zero effect on this erasure and attempts to “correct” what society sees as broken.
Heteroromantic asexuals and aromantic heterosexuals are just as valid as any other queer person, and to say otherwise is saying “your identity doesn’t matter”. Which is absolutely shitty for the queer community - a community that is supposed to be about acceptance and providing a safe haven for all those not accepted by this cishet society we’ve been born into - to do. We are the last people who should be doing any flavor of gatekeeping.
It sickens and saddens me that the queer community has become just as judgmental as the very people we’ve fought so hard to be accepted by. I no longer feel any sort of pride in saying I’m queer, because the community has become so toxic towards anyone who doesn’t fit into the frankly narrow box of what does and doesn’t count as “queer enough”.
All aces and aros are valid members of the LGBTQIA+ community!! Every single one!!
Like holy shit. Tonight I’ve seen a bunch of shit (in the ace and aro tag!!!) about how aces and aros are “cishets trying to invade the community.” No, we’re nonstraight people looking to join the nonstraight community because we’re not straight. If you’re not a heterosexual heteroromantic, you’re automatically not straight.
And guess what???? There are trans aces and aros! There are aces and aros who are attracted to the same gender, or more than one gender!!! But to force members of the ace and aro communities to defend themselves by proving they’re “gay enough” or “trans enough” to be allowed in the LGBTQIA+ community is horrible!!
We’re not trying to shout over the rest of the community. Our voices do not take away from anyone else’s. I see a lot of shit about how we’re “trying to silence the real queer community” and how we’re “straight people looking to be oppressed lol.” But just because I’ve broken my arm doesn’t mean your shattered spine is any less life threatening, or that my need for a hospital is any less valid than yours. Suffering is not a contest, and people with broken arms shouldn’t need to protest that they have fractured ribs as well just to get in the hospital doors.
We are not saying your issues are not valid. But your issues being valid do not make our own any less so.
Two four six eight, I’m not fucking straight.
so I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years now. And I see a lot of posts about how people think relationships mean having butterflies forever, your heart beating faster when they walk into a room, about cuddling together every night, legs intertwined, that you’d be so happy to live together you’d sleep on a double bed with each other every night.
And its not really like that, at least not to me.
You stop getting the butterflies when you live together. Your heart no longer speeds up when you see them, but instead, everything calms down. When youre in the room with them, you feel calm, and secure. When you cuddle them you feel your heart beat slow, and the sound of their breathing carry you towards comfort. It doesnt feel like a roller coaster anymore, it feels like home.
You don’t sleep curled up with each other every night, legs twisted between theirs so tight its hard to tell where yours begin and theirs end.
Instead, you sleep comfortably, side by side, sometimes facing different directions. But every night, you find yourself scooting backwards on the bed so you bump into them. You snuggle against their arm, or stroke their hair as they fall asleep. There are nights when my boyfriend, in his sleep, reaches around me and pulls me to him, like a child with his teddybear, like I am his comfort.
In the wee hours of the morning before the dawn breaks, when the world is blue and you see through cracked eyes, you curl into their chest and inhale their scent before drifting back to sleep.
Kisses aren’t always romantic and firey anymore. But there are so much more of them now. There are cold kisses when you’re eating ice cream in the summer, and sticky kisses over breakfast pancakes. There’s “im leaving now” kisses, and “one more kiss before you go” kisses. There’s sleepy morning kisses before work, when you don’t remember the alarm going off but instead the press of their lips against yours is what brings you into the day.
There’s kisses before sleep, and, you are so sweet with the things you do kisses. There’s kisses because you treat animals so tenderly, and I’m so glad i’m with you and not someone else kisses. There’s quick kisses in the aisles of the grocery store, when its loud and you gravitate together, when instead of having your own personal space and their own personal space, its both of yours together, and you step into their chest to take up less area together.
You don’t always text each other with confessions of love and care like you used to, because that’s a given now, and you’ve moved on to quirky inside jokes about the life youve built together. You share looks of exasperation and amusement in public, your own little world against the outside one.
Relationships aren’t always a fairy tale. They’re not always fireworks and sparks, at least, after the start.
But they are a quiet rhythm and hum of love and care. It’s not a fire in your soul, but one in your hearth, keeping you warm and comfortable, comforting you as you drowsily drift into sleep.
And I love that.
*SLAMS REBLOG BUTTON!!!*
THISSSSSS
This is everything and more
All this.
Oh my goodness. This. That is all.
I cannot explain how much I love this and how true it is.
@spartadog
Smush - (based on sexual attraction) a strong desire to be sexually close to or have a sexual relationship with a specific person; ex. of usage: “They’re so smushable”/”i’m in complete smush for you”/”Who’s your current smush?”
Crush - (based on romantic attraction) a strong desire to be romantically close to or have a romantic relationship with a specfic person; ex. of usage: “I have a crush on you”/”I’m currently crushing on [x]”
Squish - (based on platonic attraction) a strong desire to be platonically close to or have an intimate friendship with a specific person; ex. of usage: “I have a squish on [x]”/”I’m squishing so hard for you”
Lush - (based on sensual attraction) a strong desire to be sensually close to or engage in sensual activities with a specific person; ex. of usage: “I have a lush for you”/”I’m in total lush with you”/”Who are you currently lushing for?”
Swish - (based on aesthetic attraction) a strong desire to be aesthetically close to or have freedom to continue aesthetic appreciation of a specific person; ex. of usage: “I have such a swish for [x]”/”Who are your top five swishes?”
*Available for use by persons of any race, sexuality, or gender identity
➹ This post is subject to change: please go to the original post to check for edits. Some older post still use allo | last updated: June 12, 2015 ➹
Aro research
➳ Aro Research / warning text heavy & long post
Attraction =/= behavior
➳ Attraction =/= behavior explination / warning long post & text heavy
Umbrella terms
➳ Why use umbrella terms? / warning ranting
➳ Aro spectrum explanation / warning long post
Usage of quasi
Usage of grey
Aro Vauge
Romance repulsion
Helpful terms that aren’t orientations
Facing arophobia/amatonormativity
Coming out
➳ Information on aros / warning long post & text heavy
➳ Further explanation / warning text heavy
Young aros
Adult aros
➳ Fighting amatonormativity / warning long post & text heavy
➳ Having children / warning text heavy
Exploring types of attraction
➳ Comic explaining different types of attractions / warning nudity
➳ What is romantic love? Sidenote: There is a tag for this
➳ Romantic attraction / warning sex mention & sexual attraction
Exploring relationships
➳ Qpr
➳ Qpr checklist Sidenote: Not our linke
Sci-FI/Fantasy
Disney
Animation
Action/Drama
Comedy
Crime/Thriler
Studio Ghibli
Sci-Fi
Drama
Disney
EXCUSE ME I NEED THIS LIST
As an aromantic seeing romance be the driving plot behind every fucking movie gets super old and depressing and I just need more movies where romance isn’t the focus
okay but does anyone else check people out artistically? like instead of thinking “wow I’d tap that” you just intensely appreciate their appearance and sit there and “holy shit look at the curve of their spine and that POSTURE but then there’s the shape of their eyes and THEIR HANDS AND -” *snaps pencil in half*
admiring their aesthetic
All the time
#acethetic
Stop saying aromantics don’t date
Stop saying asexuals don’t kiss
Stop saying aromantics can’t have successful relationships
Stop saying all asexuals are sex repulsed
This has been your PSA
Wrote this up on the last day of Asexual Awareness Week and then never posted it anywhere but FB. Whoops.
I'm Ace. That's short for asexual. It means I don't experience sexual attraction. I don't look at people and think "I would so bang them." If you've ever heard me say that, what I really mean is "I find them aesthetically attractive and probably wouldn't mind cuddling or drawing them."
For a really long time I mistook aesthetic attraction for sexual attraction. I also mistook friendship for romantic attraction (some of my friends have had to go through the awkwardness of me going "but I /like/ like you" only for me to realize whoops no I just don't understand what the hell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings are).
I identify as quoiromantic/WTFromantic, which means I struggle to differentiate between platonic and romantic feelings. I struggle with romantic feelings period. I've never really felt something I would call love. Loyalty, adoration, pride... but nothing that feels like love to me, by my own definition of what it should feel like. Quoiromantics fall under the aromantic spectrum.
So I'm AroAce. I don't experience sexual or romantic attraction to people, and honestly couldn't define what those things even are because I've never felt them. I can still develop strong emotional bonds with people. I can still have sex and have a libido and experience desire. I've never /enjoyed/ sex, but I am completely capable of having it.
Asexuality isn't the same thing as celibacy either. There are asexuals who have sex because it feels good, or because they like to make their partner feel good, or for a variety of other reasons. Literally the only defining factor of an asexual is that they don't feel sexual attraction toward other people. They can have a really high sex drive but have it not directed at anyone (most of the best porn artists I know are asexual).
Due to being on the aromantic spectrum, I don't form crushes on people. I form squishes. These are desires to form a close platonic bond with someone, usually "stronger" or more "intense" than a regular friendship. Ever heard the term queerplatonic relationship? These can't really be defined because they're different for everyone. But as an example: I could happily live with my best friends for the rest of my life with no sexual or romantic partners (I'd probably still like a cuddlebuddy or two though).
The want to be physical, but not sexual, with a person is called sensual attraction. This also differs for everyone. For me I just really want to cuddle. I like hugs, I like holding hands, I like cuddling. I don't like kissing. Like at all :| Other asexuals do. They also might like making out or foreplay but not sex.
It really boils down to: Asexuality is a spectrum, same as sexuality, and due to our society as a whole being allosexual (someone who does experience sexual attraction) we had to break up our attractions into smaller bits. Hence romantic, aesthetic, and sensual attractions. And every one of us is different. We had to make up new terms and words like squishes or queerplatonic relationships. There are also asexuals who only feel sexual attraction once they've developed a deep emotional bond with someone. They're called demisexuals. There are asexuals that only sometimes or every rarely feel sexual attraction. Those are gray-asexuals.
No, we're not special snowflakes or broken or sick or anything like that. We just don't experience sexual attraction. Some, like me, don't experience romantic attraction either. Some have had sex, or still have sex, or want to have sex. They just don't find anyone sexually attractive. That's it that's all. And yes, we /do/ get discriminated against. People telling us we just haven't met the right person, or that they should try a libido-boosting drug like viagra, or that we can be 'cured', or that we're afraid of sex, or that it's just a phase.
You're never too young - or old! - to realize (or think) you're asexual. Just like any other sexuality in this heteronormative society, there's not a lot of information on sexualities that aren't heterosexual. And all too often children are told they are too young to understand their own sexuality, yet heterosexual kids aren't too young to understand theirs. It's usually around age 10 that allosexuals first experience sexual attraction, so really, you're never too young.
Also, also, also, you can have different romantic and sexual and sensual and aesthetic attractions. Maybe you're homosexual but biromantic and bisensual and panaesthetic. Or heterosexual but aromantic and pansensual and heteroaesthetic. Or demisexual but lithoromantic and omnisensual and biaesthetic.
So, uh, yeah. I think that's everything I had to say on that.
....Well this kind of turned into a clusterfuck of a long thing. Ah well. If you have any questions, comment or PM me, I don't mind answering!
