After Jack retires:
Jack: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives. Sam: I wake up at 4:30 AM every day to train. Jack: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives.
Sam: Did it hurt when you fell- Jack: From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt- Sam: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs. Jack: ... Sam: You just laid there for 15 minutes.
Sam: I called you like ten times! Why didn’t you pick up? Daniel: *remembers dancing to the ringtone* Daniel: I didn’t hear it.
Daniel, bursting into the room: You two are having sex! Sam, not looking up from her book: Really? Jack, why didn’t you tell me? I would have put my book down.
Jack: This date is boring! Sam: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store. Jack: Then why did you invite me? Sam: I didn't, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Sam, I'm a General, I'll do whatever I want!"
At a zoo
Jonas: What are they in for? Sam: Jonas, this isn't prison. Jonas: So they can leave? Sam: No, but- Jonas, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.
Sam & Daniel: *accidentally set the lab on fire*
Sam: We need an adult!
Daniel: Sam, you are an adult!
Sam: We need an adultier adult! Get Jack!
During a mission
Sam: ...I'm pretty sure that place is fire-proof, or something. Jack, grenade in hand: Alright, but is it explosion-proof?
During a group project:
Sam: *does 99% of the work* Jack: *has no idea what’s going on* Daniel: *says he's gonna help but does not* Teal'c: *disappears at the very beginning and doesn’t show up again until the very end*
Sam: Would you slap Jack- Daniel: Yes. Sam: I didn't even finish! Daniel: Sorry, continue. Sam: Would you slap Jack for 10 dollars? Daniel: I would do it for free. Jack: Rude...
Jack: My head hurts. Sam: That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.
Daniel: Are you laughing at that video of Jack and Teal'c sparring? Sam: No. Sam: I'm laughing at the comments.
Sam: But what about Jonas? Jack: Don't worry about him. Jack: I once watched him fall down 5 flights of stairs, stand up, and keep eating his hotdog like nothing happened.
Jonas: Uhh.. Teal'c just asked if we want to… Jonas: “Fell the mighty before their time and display their carcasses in our homes?” Sam, not even looking up from her phone: He's asking if you wanna cut down Christmas Trees. Jonas: Oh, that makes more sense. Jonas: Jonas: What's a Christmas Tree?
Daniel, to the team: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that’s easy. Just don’t die. That’s it. Refuse to die. There you go. Sam: But how- Daniel, ignoring them: “But how”, you may ask. Well, easy. Just don’t do it. Refuse to. Say “no thanks”.
Daniel: Hey, Jack, are you free on Friday? Like around eight? Jack: Yeah. Daniel: And you, Sam? Sam: Umm... yes? Daniel: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date! Sam: Did he just-
Daniel: Jack gave me a get better soon card. Sam: Aw, that's sweet! Daniel: I wasn't sick, he just thinks I can do better.