If you think it's cool to do drugs or booze or smoke, if anyone seeking a healthy life style looks practically orthorexic and hypochondriac in your eyes, then even if you're an anti-religion leftist you in your own way are also a religious fanatic because you also believe you're made of some kind of immaterial spirit that can't be harmed. We are all just sacks of flesh and if you don't adopt a carefully thought out diet and exercise routine - something that necessarily excludes many foods and entails a lot of sacrifice - then you will find yourself in a lot of trouble. Everyone who ends up sick wishes they could go back in time to make profoundly different decisions. Then they don't mind being ridiculed for caring too much about their fragile bodies because they realize that's all they have, life is all that any of us has.

I think about this cake every day

sorry for exposing your tags but this is hilarious

OP, I hope you don’t mind me making an addition:

When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.

The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?

This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.

I love a botched cake.

How to make borsch soup like a slav (Borscht recipe) - Cooking with Boris

Cook the f+ck out of some vegetables

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

I always need this on my blog.

I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning. 

Yes

Happy Ten Years to the Bad Burrito Post

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

Lunch time, how do you make your sandwich?

Famous meals from literature… More here.

There’s no such thing as “pepperoni” in Italy, even though it is a corruption of the Italian word “peperoni” (sweet peppers). The most similar Italian food is “salame piccante” (spicy salami).

Then how do i order a pepperoni and pineapple pizza next time I’m in Italy?

@tedywestside your pepperoni pizza is “pizza con salame piccante” and pinapple pizza is “ho bisogno di andare in chiesa a confessare i miei peccati pizza”

im losing my mind

i dont know who needs to see this today,

In that case stop drinking coffee, because most coffee contains mold and mycotoxins.

"Perhaps because gastroenterology, immunology, toxicology, and the nutrition and agricultural sciences are outside of their competence and responsibility, psychologists and psychiatrists typically fail to appreciate the impact that food can have on their patients’ condition. Here we attempt to help correct this situation by reviewing, in non-technical, plain English, how cereal grains—the world’s most abundant food source—can affect human behavior and mental health. We present the implications for the psychological sciences of the findings that, in all of us, bread (1) makes the gut more permeable and can thus encourage the migration of food particles to sites where they are not expected, prompting the immune system to attack both these particles and brain-relevant substances that resemble them, and (2) releases opioid-like compounds, capable of causing mental derangement if they make it to the brain. A grain-free diet, although difficult to maintain (especially for those that need it the most), could improve the mental health of many and be a complete cure for others.

(...)

The manufacture of exorphins is incredibly efficient. The nutritionally insignificant intake of 1 g of casein (about two tablespoons of cow milk), for example, produces opioids in large enough amounts to exert physiological effects (Meisel and FitzGerald, 2000). This is remarkable in view of the facts that (a) the opioids from gluten are stronger than those from casein (Zioudrou et al., 1979), and (b) the daily average consumption of gluten in Europe is 10–20 g, with many people exceeding 50 g (Sapone et al., 2012). In the brain of rats, the opioids from casein have been shown to be 10 times more potent than morphine (Herrera-Marschitz et al., 1989). If all exorphins released in the gut made it to the brain, it is hard to see how we could keep functioning."

Busting the MYTHS About Iodine, Cholesterol & Fasting | Dr. Elizabeth Bright

"A couple of years ago I read a book called "Devil in the Milk" by an Australian (Keith Woodford) who was explaining A2 milk versus A1 milk (1). There is absolutely an issue with dairy because of the casomorphin content: two tablespoons of A1 cow milk is equal to a shot of heroin in an opiate sense. So the inflammation that a casomorphin that a casomorphin can give your body (two tablespoons of milk) is equal to a shot of heroin. I mean, he literally writes this. So the whiter the milk, the fresher the milk, what you have is a lot of (or dairy, kaffir or yogurt, whatever, goat cheese) you have a lot of protein. If you have aged cheese the fermentation process eats the protein and the lactose, this isn't really an issue it's more the proteins, the proteins are inflammatory.

So if you're not well, if you have an autoimmune condition, your immune system is overreactive, it's going to see a protein like gluten, or dairy, or casomorphin, it's going to see that as a pathogen, it will react. How does it react? Again, it could be any way but it will react to that protein thinking it's a virus.

So if you're, as you said depending upon where you are on your health journey, if you still have pain, if you still have arthritis, if you still have eczema, if you still have psoriasis… I would take out dairy. And in some cases I'll even say to try to stop butter for a week or so. And I've had a couple who've had a really good result from that. And then they heal and then they can add in the butter."

(1) A1 milk, which is the most commonly used milk and is abundantly available, is obtained from cows of Western origin like Holstein, Jersey etc. and yields a large quantity of milk. The A2 milk is the milk obtained by the cows of Indian origin like Gir, Sahiwal etc.

Professor Keith Woodford - FAB Conference, 21 March 2014, London

The health implications of A1 beta –casein relative to A2 beta-casein are controversial. At times the scientific debate can become clouded by the reality that milk is a commercial product. Conversion of all herds so as to replace A1 beta-casein with A2 beta-casein over one to two cow generations (4 – 12 years) is technically straight forward. Accordingly, the beta-casein issue can be presented as either a threat to, or an opportunity for, the mainstream industry, with elements of each perspective being valid.

Exogenous opioid substances are called exorphins, as opposed to endorphins. Exorphins include opioid food peptides, such as gluten exorphin and opioid food peptides, and are often contained in cereals and animal milk. Exorphins mimic the actions of endorphins by binding to and activating opioid receptors in the brain.

Endorphins help relieve pain, reduce stress and improve your sense of well-being. Endorphins are created in your pituitary gland and hypothalamus, both located in the brain. Endorphins are a type of neurotransmitter, or messenger in your body.

Inspirational Halloween Cupcake Ideas

10 Spooky Halloween Treats for Monsters of All Ages

Really nice recipes. Every hour.

Show me what you cooked!

Creative Halloween Treats

Sugar Cube Skulls from the dembones Etsy shop

Browse more curated halloween So Super Awesome is also on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest

How To Bake Halloween Cookies That Are Too Scary To Eat Recipe Here

DIY Halloween Bat Bites from Chelsea’s Messy Apron.

Make these easy DIY Halloween Bat Bites in just a few minutes. This is a kid friendly DIY.

Everything is store bought so all you have to do is put the pieces together.

For more DIY Halloween Food like edible eyeballs, snakes on a stick, grilled turtles, spiderweb cakes and devil cupcakes go here: halloweencrafts.tumblr.com/tagged/food