Jeonghan (윤정한):
“Honesty”
You have been the secret admirer of your best friend, Jeonghan, for years. He doesn't suspect that it'd be you at all until... <Link to part 2> friend!jeonghan x friend!secretadmirer!reader
“You want to find your secret admirer?” You asked Jeonghan.
Both of you were out eating brunch in a fast food restaurant, just because.
He nodded, chewing his food. After he swallowed, he replied, “I really want to know who they are.”
“But isn't it better to let them stay secretive? Isn't that why they chose to become your secret admirer in the first place?” You added, taking a bite of your hamburger. Jeonghan set down his hamburger on the table and placed his elbows down as well.
“It's not you, is it?” He asked, staring at you in the eyes.
Immediately, you choked on your food.
Jeonghan laughed and then removed his elbows from the table, satisfied that your reaction was genuine, when in fact, you were just afraid of getting caught.
You had decided to become his secret admirer after you realized in your friendship, you liked him as more than a friend. At the same time, you didn't want to ruin the friendship you two have created, and not knowing his heart, you just quietly held it in.
“I'm going to become a detective today and find out my secret admirer. I can't let this go on forever.” Jeonghan said.
You set down your burger on the table and looked up at him after chugging down some water to help you stop choking. “Why do you want to find them?”
“So that I can thank them, for admiring a guy like me.” Jeonghan's face held a smile. “And also for going out of their way to send me letters and gifts. I should be afraid most of the time but I'm not, because it's someone I know I'm close to.”
You took a sip of water to moisten your dry throat, then tilted your head. “How do you know?”
Jeonghan sat back in the chair and crossed his arms. You had to act like you didn't know anything, or else he would suspect you. You didn't like lying to him, but both ways were risky; whether you told the truth or didn't.
After eating lunch, you two went out of the restaurant. You followed beside Jeonghan, who had put on a khaki trench coat, that coincidentally matched yours.
“Where are you headed?” You asked, looking at him. Jeonghan shot you a glance, then smiled.
“To find out who my secret admirer is.” Jeonghan said as he pulled out a folded up letter from his trench coat pocket. The letter was beautifully written, and you remembered how long you spent working on that letter, trying to get your hand writing perfect.
“But where are you going?” You asked again, trying to get the location of the place.
“You know that kindergarten? I have a few suspects there. My members are also doing volunteer work there so I'll confront them as well.” He said, swaying side to side as he walked, like a penguin. His hands were in his pockets.
You just nodded in response.
“It's probably not Wonwoo, his handwriting is bad.” Jeonghan thought out loud. “Maybe it's Seungkwan?”
“Are your members your only suspects?” You asked.
Jeonghan stopped and turned to you with a shrug. You paused and took a step away as he suddenly leaned closer to your face.
“Who knows, I might suspect you too.” Jeonghan said, walking off and leaving it at that. Your pounding heart felt heavy.
Still, you followed Jeonghan who was already ahead by a few sidewalk squares.
“You guys are here?” Seungkwan asked.
Jeonghan nodded. He took a piece of paper and pen. “Seungkwan, can you write in your best hand writing?”
Jeonghan's innocent and angelic face gave Seungkwan no suspicion at all, though Seungkwan did ask what it was for. Jeonghan lied that it was for a child and that he was afraid his handwriting was too ugly.
After Seungkwan finished writing the letter, he handed it back to Jeonghan before going to play the the kids. You and Jeonghan met eyes before dashing to the corner of the classroom.
Sitting in the corner, Jeonghan unfolded the letter from Seungkwan and took the letter from his secret admirer, holding them side by side. Seungkwan's handwriting was neat and pretty, but it did not match yours at all.
“My secret admirer's strokes are thicker than Seungkwan's.” Jeonghan concluded. “And even if it was Seungkwan, he wouldn't have written in his best handwriting; he would have thought something was suspicious.”
You nodded, because that was indeed very Seungkwan like.
Jeonghan went around, demanding letters from each member in their best hand writing. Yet, none of them matched yours at all. You let out a sigh of relief after you two finished analyzing Myungho's handwriting.
You sighed, actually tired from analyzing everyone's handwriting with Jeonghan. Both of you drooped, still sitting in that corner in the classroom. The children were all playing, and learning and singing. You felt your hand brush against Jeonghan's and immediately, you moved it, your heart beating furiously.
Suddenly, a young child tapped you on the shoulder.
“Excuse me, but can you help me write a letter?” The little boy asked. Jeonghan and you sat up straight.
The boy was holding a pure white piece of paper and a pencil. “I want to write a letter for my Mom's birthday.”
You smiled and so did Jeonghan.
“Of course, what's your name?” You crawled over to one of the tiny desks and sat down on the floor beside it.
You set down the paper and began to write. Jeonghan edged closer as well.
“What do you want to tell her?” You asked looking at the boy who has such beautiful and bright doe eyes.
“I want to tell her that I love her and that I wish she had a happy birthday. I also want to tell her that I will grow up to be a doctor like she wants me to and that she does not have to buy me new shoes every year.” The little innocent boy was fidgeting with a toy, but he had a shy smile on his face.
“Okay, I'll write that down for your mom. When I finish, make sure to hand it to your mom when you see her~” You began writing immediately, in the neatest handwriting you could do.
Jeonghan had on a genuine smile and was conversing with the kid when he caught a glance at the paper you were writing on.
You folded up the paper and took an envelope, stuffing it in before writing, ‘TO MOM, FROM JONGHO’.
You passed the envelope to Jongho, who was waiting patiently. “Here, Jongho. Do you want to draw on the envelope? Decorate it and make it pretty?”
“What is decorate?” Jongho asked, his expression as pure as ever.
You chuckled and patted Jongho's head. “Color and make it fancy and pretty.”
Jongho let out a smile and took the envelope into his tiny hands. Jeonghan stared at you two, his mind unable to forget those thick strokes you created, and those words that looked almost identical to the letter his secret admirer gave.
Now, everything clicked for him.
It was you all along. He should've known sooner, and some part of him felt betrayed.
After Jongho walked away with the letter, ready to decorate it, Jeonghan grabbed your wrist and dragged you out. Flustered, you just let him take you away from the classroom of children singing nursery rhymes.
He took you out of the kindergarten.
“Why did you do it?” Jeonghan asked, his eyes held an expression of frustration and anger, and disappointment.
“What do you mean?” You asked. His hand was still on your wrist.
“You could've just told me it was you. Why did you have to lie to me like that? Make me feel like such a fool, looking around for anyone who could be my secret admirer, and you're right next to me!”
You felt your heart drop completely, as you started to doubt your decision. Maybe honesty was the best choice to begin with. If you didn't go out of your way to be his secret admirer, and just told him about your feelings, maybe the ending wouldn't be so bittersweet.
“Jeonghan…” You felt your eyes fill with tears.
Jeonghan let go of your wrist. “You should have just told me, then maybe we could leave on good terms.”
Your heart had completely sank.
So there was no chance of him loving you in the first place.
You wanted to grasp his hand into yours but you just watched as his back turned. You waited for him, holding onto that small hope that he was just being mischievous and lied about everything, but he didn't turn back.
“Why did I ever hope for that?” You asked yourself, covering your face to hide the pain. You couldn't help but just laugh, laugh at the ridiculous actions you made.
The sweet story you two shared, had a bitter ending after all.
-serenityseventeen
I WANTED A GOOD ENDING BUT MY MIND SAID HELL NO, THIS GONNA BE SAD. I CANNOT TOLERATE A SAD ENDING SO AHEM PART 2