Sal: Do you think different paints have different tastes?
Misfortune: They do.
Fran: …Why did you say that with such certainty?
Undyne: What is everyone going to be for Halloween?
Papyrus: I’m Superman!
Sans: A clown.
Undyne: So I’m guessing we don’t need to get you a costume then?
Horror: Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, and wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Dust: That's deep.
Killer: That means ketchup is a smoothie.
Dust: That's deeper.
Nightmare: ...You all are idiots.
Blue: Why are you late?
Stretch: A technical error occurred, causing an unexpectedly long bout of downtime.
Blue: Overslept?
Stretch: Overslept.
Blue: I have to say, I'm a little embarrassed for you.
Stretch: This is a sports-related injury. It makes me look cool!
Blue: Tripping over a basketball on your way to the bathroom is not cool!
Pike: I wanna sleep for like forty hours...
Sable: You know that's called a coma, right?
Pike:
Pike: That sounds so refreshing, I could totally go for a light coma right now.
Sans: You made enough spaghetti that you could take it to lunch tomorrow. Put it in a container.
Papyrus: Shovel the spaghetti into your face. Do it. Put it in your face. The future is meaningless but the spaghetti is now.
Papyrus: How would you guys deal with a toxic friend?
Alphys: Tell them how you really feel.
Sans: Slowly distance yourself from them.
Undyne: Engage in a 1v1 sword battle and if they lose, they have to stop being toxic or pay the price!
Papyrus, being handed a sword: …Well, heck.
Undyne: What’s your biggest fear?
Papyrus: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.
Alphys: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.
Sans: Zombies.
Papyrus: ...
Alphys: ...
Sans: But they can open doors.
Alphys: I currently have seven empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?
Papyrus: Put spaghetti in it!
Alphys: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you.
Sans: Put spaghetti in it.
Alphys: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two.
Undyne: Put spaghetti in it!
Alphys: I am no longer taking suggestions.
Poplar: I just saw a TikTok of someone saying they're "never buying garlic again" after they discovered "this hack" and literally planted garlic in their backyard to grow more. Brother, do you think you just discovered agriculture???
Ash, planting seeds: [hacker voice] I'm in.
Sans: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
Papyrus: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel!
Alphys: A realist sees a freight train.
Undyne: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks!
That makes perfect sense
Horror: Don’t you guys read the papers?
Killer: Only the funnies.
Dust: You mean the obituaries.
Killer: Oh, potato, potahto…
Misfortune: I think we should have glow stick juice injected in our bones when we're born, so if we break our bones, we get a fun little surprise!
Fran: What's the surprise?
Sal: Blood poisoning.
Papyrus: Where did you get that tomato soup?
Sans: Oh, it's actually a bowl of ketchup I just microwaved.
Alphys: I-I think I did fairly well on the anatomy quiz!
Sans: I forgot we were doing a test.
Alphys: Sans.
Sans: I said the vertebrae was the back stick because I thought it was funny…
Papyrus: Sans.