Sometimes you just miss the person you were around them, or the things that happened when you were with them, and you don’t really miss them, and that’s okay, too.
I have a chronic illness that debilitates me so I had to drop most of my hobbies and activities. My "friends" decided not to make any effort to understand or help and dropped all contact with me because I couldn't keep up with them and their healthy active lives anymore. Got put on medication that wasn't right for me, it had nasty physical and mental side effects (while also worsening a couple neuro and emotional disorders that at the time were undiagnosed) and then it took months to detox. Had a big breakdown, dropped out of school, had to fight and fight until I could finally get social security, etc. It sucked but here I am now learning to live with it better.
It has been brought to my attention that if I were to run my own channel like Unus Annus, I would be the Mark half of the equation (Asian, possibly a little feral, theoretically interested in Pain, etc.) and now I’m wondering if my life as an Unus is a lie
Wondering now if all of the emphasis I put on queerplatonic intimacy in my works (i.e. kissing, holding hands, cuddling, sharing clothing, sharing a bed, etc. in nonromantic and nonsexual relationships) is influenced not only by my aspec identity but by the apparent NVLD deficit in understanding society’s typical definition of “personal space”
Imagine just not liking a movie because it's not about white men or white kids like..... that's all that is meant by this lol and I genuinely don't think he realizes that's the reason. Like I don't think he realizes the precise reason he couldn't enjoy it.
Every day white guys advocate for diverse representation without knowing they're doing so and the irony is delicious. Every single minority in western countries have grown up inundated with overwhelmingly white (and male) media and still found points of relation and characters that we could see ourselves in somehow.
And yet white men cry all day when something is occasionally not for them. It's "exhausting" for them to occasionally do what we did constantly.
You're so right, Sean. Representation is so important dude. Sucks when you don't see yourself or characters like you.
Black Panther, Coco, Luca, Encanto, etc. all have target demographics and cultures and are overall beloved but as soon as it's about an Asian community it's suddenly too narrow to connect. Okay, sure.
Prayers would be appreciated. My grandma’s not doing well health-wise and hasn’t been for a long time now, but she just had another scare that’s got us all worried and nervous.
Any tips for moving on from a passion? Like - Something that's defined you for years? What do you do when that's gone? How do you deal with that kind of fatal blow that destroys you to your core and disappoints you to the point of hating yourself?
Oof, that’s a big question. One thing I know for sure is this: your value as a person doesn’t come from your passions. I struggle with the same mentality sometimes, but we need to remind ourselves (over and over again) that people naturally change as time goes on. It can be scarier than some people might think, but hating yourself for changing won’t help. You’re a valuable person who deserves to be loved. Period. Passion -- or the lack of it -- doesn’t change that.
As for tips about moving on?
Try to separate your self worth from the grief of losing the passion. You’re still here, even if that passion is set aside. You’re here and you’re growing and you can make the choice to turn these changes for the better.
Grieve for that portion of your life. Cry, get mad about it, experience dejection, and know that it still doesn’t change your worth. Grief is a critical step, otherwise you’ll be carrying that weight into every new thing you try and it will keep dragging you down.
While you’re coming to terms with it, pay attention to new things that come your way. See if any of them make you feel a similar (or an entirely fresh) kind of spark. And be patient with yourself. This may take a while, but you’re not just sitting around doing nothing. You’re on the lookout. Something will come.
And know that you’re not alone. Approximately every three years, I go through a crisis of my passions and interests. It’s just how my brain is wired. It means leaving behind or at least shelving what’s defined me for those past three years, but every single time there’s been something new waiting for me to dive in.
Me: Good Asian representation feels lacking. There’s rarely ever any decent mainstream asexual representation. And don’t even get me started on disabled representation! *ranting noises*
My mom: Wow.
Me: Sorry, I don’t know why I get so passionate about these things.
Since Jack posed the question of what the viewer’s nine favorite video games would be, I decided to give it a shot! Narrowing it down was actually a lot harder than I expected but if I kept fussing with it, it would never get done ^^”
Some honorable mentions: Little Nightmares, Presentable Liberty, The Beginner’s Guide, Simulacra, Until Dawn, Mario Kart, Transformers Devastation, Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Since Pride stuff is already in my inbox, it’s probably time to re-explain something that I’ve said before. It’s a disclaimer for me and my preferences alone, so don’t go thinking that I’m gatekeeping anyone else. Just for me:
I personally don’t consider myself a part of an LGBT community. Others on the ace-aro spectrums can be a part of it to the moon and back, but I’ve seen a lot of unfortunate things that make me feel disinclined to immerse myself in that community, regardless of the fact that I’m aspec. I’m content to be what I am on my own, even if I’m not considered a part of that broad community.
Again, I’m not telling anyone else what communities they’re “allowed” to consider themselves a part of. That’s entirely for them to decide and fight for. But Tumblr can be a dumpster fire of discourse and I prefer to sit quietly in my corner. I personally don’t feel a need to “win” a place in an LGBT community. I don’t feel as much of a need to partake in Pride because in real life, I’m more of a private person. I know what I am, how, when, and where I choose to show it, and I’m okay with keeping personal business mostly to myself. So I guess my form of Pride(?) Contentment will basically just be doing my own thing ^^”
Whats the craziest thing you and your brother ever did together?
I’m not really sure! We’ve done a lot of cool things together but I don’t know if they’re very “crazy”. I do remember the time we were messing around with one of my dad’s antique Lord of the Rings swords: this one to be precise. He had it at the time, I was standing by and I said, “Hey, maybe you shouldn’t swing --” And as if on cue, he sliced open one of the couch cushions XD I’m sure the looks on our faces were priceless.
Important reminder brought about by something I’ve seen too often:
Random nosy people on the internet are not entitled to information about your personal life.
YOU get to choose how much of your off-internet life you share with people online and you have the right to refuse giving information to them (even people you consider your friends.)
My mom is my best friend! She’s joyful, thoughtful, patient, coordinated, and does so much that I don’t know if I can live up to it. My dad is cool. He’s smart, sly, creative, witty, and may seem unassuming until he menaces people into submission with a stare :3
Hey I hope this isn't personal but I was wanting to ask how you came about finding out/realizing your chronically ill? And how did you first react/feel to finding out/getting the diagnosis? I'm sorry if I'm asking the wrong questions I'm just curious due to my personal experience. Feel free to ignore. Thanks in advance for running your amazing blog! 💕
It’s okay, it’s good for people to take an interest in this kind of thing to spread awareness.
POTS patients can end up waiting years for a diagnosis – anywhere from three to ten years, usually. I was one of the fortunate ones who got it after three. Over the course of those years, symptoms kept cropping up one after the other, forcing me to drop out of more and more extracurricular activities. I just didn’t have the energy and strength to keep up with them anymore. Constantly tired, weak, shaky, dizzy, my feet burning when I walk…It was all just too much.
Test after test after test, doctors kept saying “It’s not this, it’s not this, maybe this? Nope, not that either.” My condition was relatively unknown back then, but even these days it’s easy for POTS to be mistaken/misdiagnosed for other illnesses because it shares so many symptoms with other things.
As for the diagnosis itself, that’s something I’ll always roll my eyes about. One of my mom’s friend had another friend whose son has POTS. She suggested it to my mom’s friend when she heard about me. My mom looked up the symptoms and read them off to me. I had nineteen out of twenty.
So the next time I go to my cardiologist, my mom says, “So we looked up these symptoms and we think it might be POTS.”
You know what he says? He has the audacity to shrug and say, “Oh, yeah, that’s exactly what she has. I told you that last time.”
I think after three years of looking for an answer, we would have remembered if he told us. He was just covering his a** because he wasn’t about to be shown up by two moms and Google.
So how did I feel when I got the diagnosis? Kind of numb. Tired. Confused, resigned and angry. But at least I had an official name for it, and I never had to see that doctor again.
And today, five years later, I learned that diagnosis doesn’t “count” for my new cardiologist so I’ve got to get tested and diagnosed again. That’s gonna be fun :/
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