when referring 2 sciency bullshit can we all just start using genitals to categorize things instead of “”“”sex”“”“”“”“”

please, thank

but… I think that’s sort of what sex is, when compared to gender? unless you mean in terms of literal different genitalia/medical discrepancies?

Actually the problem with “sex” is that it conflates a bunch of different bodily features that can occur in multiple combinations. So for example, people with penises can also have uteruses. This is rare, but it does occur. “Sex” conflates

The idea that there are only two naturally occurring combinations of these things is inaccurate and actually impedes the ability of doctors to give good medical care. Gender activists have argued that instead of using the broad, crude categories “male”/”female” medical practitioners should ask more specific questions such as “do you menstruate”, “do you have a penis”, etc. 

Sex, as you have been discussing it, is not so much a truth about bodies as it is a fictive, heteronormative body-ideal. The way bodies actually manifest sex is more complex than just M or F, and arguably medicine would be practiced better were it not tied down to these categories.

I also want to mention a couple of other things.

That list of body features, which is a good list, everything on that list with the exception of chromosomes can be altered or changed, accidentally, intentionally or as a result of getting older or something else. Those features are variable throughout an individuals life. They are variable among people as well (people’s hormones levels…. all can be radically different from each other and yet they could still wind up in the same sex classification).

So at which point are these features a valid indicator of ‘sex’? Because there is certainly this feeling that one is always just one ‘sex’ for their entire life, though their gender or gender labels may change (note I say label because there are def. trans* individuals who feel as if they were always their gender the label was just wrong). So if most of those features are able to be altered, are able to be changed, when are those features a valid indication of ‘sex’? Birth? Puberty? What about trans* folks who start their transitions before puberty? Or is sex maybe something that can be just as fluid as gender?

And now, as something that I feel is far, far, FAR more important when discussing actual people and their lives and their identities (the above is all relevant and interesting and good shit to talk about but just not as important as real damn people) is the note that the words we currently use to describe ‘sex’ are the same words we use to describe gender. Male/female…. those are gendered words. And it is invalidating, gross, cissexist and generally fucked up to apply those terms to people and their bodies without their consent. There is no reason at all to attach gendered words to body parts, to hormone types or hormone levels, to chromosomes, to bits our bodies have or things they can do, as broad categories, as a whole (which doesn’t mean people can’t do that individually to their own bits and functions and shit, go hog fucking wild, seriously whatever makes you comfortable or whatever, it’s your body, you can do that) except to maintain a broken as shit, oppressive, unhelpful status quo of body categorization.

My body is not female. It’s not male. My boobs, not female. My elbows, not male. The fact that I menstruate, not a ‘female thing’. And this is all personal, so individual results may vary. Other people’s boobs may totally be female parts. And that’s fine, it’s just that mine aren’t. My genitals, not male genitals, not female genitals. They’re just mine. Sometimes I’ll call them genderfucked parts because hey I can, but my feelings change on this too, I’m allowed.

So ultimately, after a long ramble, the basic point is,listen to the OP, talk about what you fucking mean. If you’re talking about x body part, say that. Don’t use male as a short hand for penis. Not every penis is on a male body or belongs to a male person. Or is found on a body with other ‘male’ things. You’ll be more accurate and you won’t be contributing to cissexism, win for everyone.

- Leon

Bless this show.

As someone who recently dealt with this...

Consent is one of the single most important aspect of any relationship, especially one that is sexual or might become sexual. The biggest thing to remember about consent is that it is not ongoing, meaning that a partner may give consent at one point, and then remove that consent at another. Consent is not given automatically simply because one has given it in previous situations, and healthy relationships utilize strong communication, both verbal and physical, when exercising consent. 

Here’s some stuff to keep in mind when it comes to proper consent:

Physical consent/body language/enthusiasm 

Things to ask yourself/look for.

Feelings that you should consider when giving consent.

Many people don’t think of body language as a form of consent, but it very much is! A person can say “yes,” but their feelings and body may be saying otherwise. Good consent requires good communication, and a part of communication is listening. You have to, essentially, “listen” to your partner’s body actively as well as the fluctuations in their voice to be really certain about whether or not they’re comfortable with what is happening. 

Verbal consent

Things to ask/say:

Answers that do not give consent/revoke consent.

Answers that do give consent/reinforce given consent. 

Ways to not pressure partners. 

Again, communication, communication, communication. Verbally establishing what is and isn’t ok while also being aware of the physical signs of consent is key. Keep in mind that you don’t just have to ask these questions during sexual activity. Talk about these kinds of things outside of the bedroom too! You can get into detailed conversations about how you want things to go, what you are and aren’t comfortable with, and if anything changes while you’re engaging in sexual activity, you have the power to change your consent. Giving, receiving, and respecting consent is an ongoing process. 

Consent while under the influence of alcohol. 

Things to ask yourself before you drink.

Things to ask others before they drink.

When consent cannot be given while drunk. 

What is NOT drunk consent, and can be considered rape.

Important things to remember about drunk consent.

Things to remember about consent.

One last thing…

Always remember that CONSENT IS SEXY. There’s nothing better then fully immersing and engaging in sex that you’re 100% enthusiastic about!

-P

fuck yeah sex education: Consent

 This is brilliant. I’d like it noted, however, that in the “Answers that do not give/revoke consent” section, any variation of those responses counts. You don’t have to form full sentences to revoke consent. Any possible variation of those statements, or “No”, counts as a lack of consent. I’d also like to add that “Can we do this later?” or any other kind lack of consent that is construed as putting the act off is not a guarantee of consent later; it is NOT consenting to the act later, it is a way of getting the act to stop NOW. It still means NO. Just thought I’d point that out.

How History Affects the Tone of Engagement with Explicit Erotica

[Trigger Warnings for historical anti-queer abuses, heterocentricity, gendered language, etc. Also, sorry it’s long.]

There’s been a bit of discussion lately about m/m versus f/f, and specifically queer women writing predominately m/m rather than f/f. There has been a lot of criticism about it that takes the view that such habits put men on a pedestal over women, and value male narratives over female narratives. I can see where that might seem to make sense on the surface, but I contest that the situation is more nuanced than that.

First, I will start by saying that I have no intentions of shaming anyone for their method of engaging with sexually explicit material of any ilk (that does not harm or harmfully portray anyone). Your kink may not be my kink but your kink is valid and perfectly fine for you.

This is specifically to address my own issues as a queer female-leaning genderqueer person who is predominately emotionally and sexually attracted to women but who predominately enjoys m/m for explicit fiction, and to explain (and thereby defend) this preference and why it does not make me self-hating or misogynistic.

I love ladies, and I love ladyships, but in fiction, explicit f/f makes me distinctly uncomfortable. Part of it is a personal issue; I have hang-ups with regards to sex, and reading about people with similar body parts to mine having sex makes me feel vulnerable in very uncomfortable ways. (This is obviously not always true; not everyone in m/m or f/f is cisgender, but it’s a dominant enough trend that I feel comfortable generalizing. My issues shift somewhat if the people involved are transgender, but that opens up an entirely new can of worms that isn’t really relevant to my current point.)

Also, while I am uncomfortable reading explicit f/f in written fiction, I love lesbian romance movies. Saving Face and I Can’t Think Straight and even Kissing Jessica Stein bring me such joy. autumnyte helped me articulate why this is: A lot of the language used to refer to women’s sexuality or sexual body parts can get very uncomfortable for some people, possibly because a great many of them are used as pejoratives (with a different weight than, say, “cock” or “dick,” because of the way male privilege interacts with language).

But this is widespread enough that I’m not confident assigning broad strokes of blame to everyone having similar sexual hang-ups to me. There must be a greater common denominator. I also know it’s not because these people are misogynistic or do not value female narratives or female relationships. (In fact, like me, many of them deeply enjoy lady genfic or non-explicit f/f.) I think this has to do with the difference in how queer male sexuality and queer female sexuality has been treated throughout history.

Queer male sexuality has traditionally been shamed, hidden, cut off, and destroyed. The dominant, hegemonic male gaze of culture is so threatened by this that the only way gay men have been acceptable is if they abstain from sexuality and, indeed, are seen as desexed. (This is not to devalue people who are asexual, but refers to sexuality being coercively removed or destroyed.) In fact, many gay men who were punished for their “crimes” were chemically castrated (possibly also physically, although I can’t name any instances off the top of my head) to remove the possibility of them having sex. It was so important to the dominant gaze of culture that these people not be allowed to have sex even if no one knew it was happening. Even if they kept it a secret, only met behind closed doors, never had public displays of affection — no. That was too much. They had to remove the very possibility of it happening at all, ever.

On the other hand, queer women have had their sexuality devalued and attacked in a completely different way. We have been exploited for the male gaze, fetishized and exoticized. We have had our relationships stripped of all that makes them full and personal and for our own pleasure, and reduced to pornography suited to the male gaze. We have had our relationships and our sexuality turned into sex toys for someone else’s pleasure, not our own. Queer women are a threat when our emotions choose a woman for commitment over a man; our sex is not a threat. Our sex is a toy.

With that in mind, it is a completely different beast to celebrate explicit m/m sex than it is explicit f/f sex. One has been shut up in the dark for so many years that being put in the light is an empowerment. The other has been chained in the spotlight with nowhere to hide, so demanding it step into the light has very different implications.

This is not to say that anyone celebrating f/f sexuality in explicit material is doing it for those reasons, but is meant to say this is why some women may not feel comfortable with it. People react to empowerment differently. Some queer men may prefer non-explicit m/m as a form of empowerment; some queer women may prefer explicit f/f for the same reason. But the different histories of the way each of those sexualities has been treated by an abusive heterocentric, male-gaze culture is significant and shouldn’t be ignored.

Sasha Grey has a lot of guts.

And I don’t know how she does it sometimes. If you see just 1/100th of the press that’s done on her, you’ll see that most of it is her defending herself from journalists/moms/talking heads. And seeing this video makes me realize two things: 

1. Whoopi Goldberg is the only one there that gets it.  2. As a culture we actively work to dehumanize and oppress people (mostly women) who work in the adult entertainment industry.  

This is sexism against women in its most clever and deceptive form—one that is championed by women in supposed support of women. In other words, our culture has pitted women against each other and the net effect is that women continue to stay small in rigid stereotypes while sexism goes unchecked. It’s too hard to think that women and porn can peacefully co-exist. It’s too hard to think that there is the idea of choice in porn or that one can view porn as a host for many complicated issues (both good and bad). 

This was an ambush on The View. Instead of talking about the real issue here (why are people so upset about Sasha reading to kids and what does this say about our society?) they made the issue a personal one (not in a good way) under the guise of being a moral one. They made it personal in several ways: 

1. Sheri Shepherd, probably the least intelligent person to be a member of The View, asking how she’s going to explain to her son what a pornstar is. If you as a parent can’t create a sensitive and age-appropriate answer, you are unfit to be a parent. Any parent with any parenting ability should be able to explain what a dentist does, what a pornstar does, or what a police-officer does. 

2. Barbara Walters questioning why Sasha would even want to do this in the first place? Why not? What’s wrong with volunteering for a local school? If you understand the simple concept that says: more affluent the area=the more parental involvement and volunteering where the less affluent the area=the less parental involvement and volunteering, you should thank her for wanting to donate her time. What’s more upsetting is that the question suggests that someone like her shouldn’t want to volunteer. It’s much easier to stereotype a pornstar or former pornstar as some vapid, wretch of a person with no sense of community or moral compass. But if you’re a good parent or a good educator, you show your kids honesty and integrity. You don’t have to play a DVD of Sasha Grey’s adult films but you can (if it comes up) have a conversation that is fitting: “Sasha is a TV actress but she’s also acted in adult movies where you have to be 18 or sometimes 21 and older to watch. These movies are for adults only.” What’s an adult movie? A kid might ask. “An adult movie is a movie made for adults by adults. You know how there are cartoons and shows where it’s for kids and adults really don’t watch those? There are adult movies where some adults watch those and kids don’t watch those.” It’s not that hard and that took all of 2 minutes to think of. 

3. Barbara saying that “being a pornstar isn’t something you hope your children aspire to be.” Sasha wasn’t forced into sex-trafficking at the age of 5. That’s something you don’t hope for your children. Someone choosing to be an adult entertainer is, to make this exhausted argument again, a choice. A lot of parents don’t want their kids to be in the military fighting a war that they don’t believe in or is possibly breaking international law. If a school wanted to have a soldier come in to read to the kids, what’s the harm? They’re not there to talk about covert operations in Kabul or the overspending of the military or the killing of innocent Iraqi civilians. The point of having people of all walks come in to read is to show that everyone loves to read. Reading is important. No matter what job you have, you will read. As the NBA used to say, “Reading is Fundamental.”

4. Whoopi shares a personal story about raising her child across the street from pornstars. This is perhaps the only sane moment in the interview because instead of heaping on women who do porn=evil garbage, she made it personal. Whoopi is saying these people are people. What a concept. 

5. And finally, Barbara chiming in as the old grandmother asking “what’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like that?” Before this, she questions why Sasha even entered the business if she believes in education and likes working with kid. I can’t believe this came out of Barbara’s mouth. We’re talking about a woman who pioneered the news industry for women. This question isn’t really a question. It’s more of a setup to try and get Sasha to break down and repent for all of her supposed faults. Actually, the entire interview has this tone. It’s difficult for society to accept that a woman might be in the industry and simultaneously be a good, clear thinking person. It’s easier to demonize someone and say that, eventually, they’ll wake up and realize how wrong their actions were. It’s a bully tactic that is based on the oppression of women: you don’t know what you were doing and you don’t have a mind of your own. It’s like an episode of Mad Men all over again. It just looks like it’s not oppression because it’s women doing it. It’s obvious that Barbara and co. don’t like the porn industry (that’s fine, not everyone has to) but their attitude informs their criticism of Sasha. You can criticize the industry, fine. But when you fail to see the person, the woman, behind it what you really do is create distance and isolation between people. Like Whoopi said, she lived next to and got to know pornstars when she was a kid. When you do that and have actual conversations with them, then you can create closeness and understanding.  

Sasha has a lot of guts. It’s just unfortunate that one has to have so much guts and take so much shit to be truly heard as a person. 

mynameisnotkayla:

Gender Biased Sexual 'Education' is failing everyone.

tumblinfeminist:

Things boys are taught in Sexual Education: -Anatomy of male genitalia -Basic terminology of female genitals and reproductive system -Wet dreams -Why sex, masturbation and ejaculation feel good. -Hormones, pleasure and why they will crave sex  -Oral sex (fellatio)  -How Pregnancy happens -Myths about Hymens and ‘virginity’ -STDs  -Abstinence is better 

Why aren’t girls taught about the clitoris, apart from the word being on an unrealistic diagram? Why are girls not taught sex can feel good, and about masturbation? Therefor not teaching girls it’s ok to be aroused, how arousal works, that it’s normal and healthy to want sex and to enjoy it? Therefor continuing to make womens sexual pleasure weird, shameful, perverted, dirty, uncommon or non-existent?  Why are they taught to be the moral and responsible gatekeepers of sex?  Why are we teaching girls more about how sex works for boys than for themselves? Why aren’t we teaching girls what their genitals actually look like, how they can differ and that they aren’t all flat, white and have the clitoral hood tucked in- and that thats ok? Why are we making girls responsible alone for pregnancy? Why are we not teaching girls about consent, peer pressure and about how to communicate their needs? Why aren’t boys taught about proper female anatomy, and that the in-out-in-out that feels great for them isn’t so good for women as there are almost no nerve endings inside the vagina? Why aren’t we teaching them about the clitoris and other sensitive parts of women when its ok to go into full detail about their own pleasure? Why aren’t they being taught respect and consent, and how to negotiate their needs? Why aren’t they taught about other methods of sex which aren’t penetrative that women can enjoy like mutual oral sex? Why aren’t they taught about menstruation, when women often get educated about everything sexually that happens to men? 

Why isn’t anyone taught about non-hetero normative sex? Sexual problems and other health issues such as dysphoria, vaginismus? Why aren’t people taught about asexuality? 

The average age to experience hardcore pornography is 11. The average age for first sexual education is 13. If you can’t see how that, plus an incredibly sexist, hetero-normative scare campaign of ‘sexual education’ is failing everyone- I think perhaps you need some education on a thing called reality. //Edit: While I know this isn’t the reality for all children and all education classes: Please have a look at the majority of schools curriculum in the USA and Australia at least and it’s pretty obvious that the above is EXACTLY what is taught for the majority; in some states in the USA a lot less it taught (those things being pregnancy, stds and abstinence!) If you would like to check or debate those facts google is at your finger tips folks//