hey, I was wondering if you could tell me anything or extrapolate on the difference between libido/sex drive and sexual attraction? I wasn't aware that there was one but it could clear up a few things for confused lil' ol me :)
Sure!
A short intro before I start; in regards to the asexuality-related portion of this, I speak from my own experience of asexuality and from some online accounts of other asexual spectrum peoples’ experiences but I’m not involved with asexuality online community websites like AVEN (a big asexuality forum) so some of things I might say might not correlate with what the big names have to say. (This is largely because I find their definitions of the asexual spectrum limited and outdated and occasionally elitist.)
Okay here we go:
- Libido/Sex drive basically = your body’s biological need to work off sexual energy whether the rest of you likes it or not
- Sexual attraction basically = actually wanting to engage in sexual activities with other people
So for a quick example a lot of allosexual and asexual people masturbate to work off that sexual energy but that doesn’t mean that they’re sexually attracted to themselves. Conversely you might engage in sexual activity with other people and in the process satisfy your libido/sex drive. Libido is “hhh I need to get off sometime soon” and sexual attraction is “I would very much like engage in some sexual conduct with that fine specimen of humanity”. Perhaps another way of putting it is that sexual attraction is directed externally, it’s about being drawn towards other people, but libido is more internal and just about what you need to get done for your body, although it can tie into sexual acts with other people because you’re fulfilling that need while also fulfilling the external attraction to another person - and sexual attraction to another person can also heighten or bring out your libido which is what leads to Tumblr-famed sexual frustration.
As far as I know, not everyone has a super strong libido, it varies from person to person and some may feel the need to get sexual energy out more often than others will - plus it also changes with mood and health and life periods. A common myth is that all asexual people lack a libido or have a low libido. While this is certainly true for some, other people may never or very rarely experience sexual attraction to other people but have strong libidos that they still feel the need to satisfy. Unfortunately asexual people who have libidos and work that energy out either through sex with a partner/s or masturbation are often shamed by some of the asexual community who see it as allosexual people “pretending” to be asexual to invade their space, which is, of course, a crock of shit.
Also note on this topic that asexual people may be repulsed by sex: I find I’m usually like this, it has nothing to do with hating or shaming people who have sex (go you get some), I just get nausea myself unless in specific circumstances in which I can become, like some asexual people, indifferent to sex. Asexual people who are indifferent to sex aren’t necessarily squicked by it or uncomfortable with it and in some cases enjoy sex with their partner/s even though they themselves might not feel sexual attraction. The repulsed/indifferent thing isn’t always an either/or, you can vary between degrees of both or find you’re just one. And of course, you can be utterly repulsed by sex and masturbation and still have a libido, (yeah it’s not the most fun situation to be in).
If you want to know more about how the whole repulsed/indifferent thing can work in relationships between asexual and allosexual people feel free to ask, or indeed ask anything else about asexuality or something you need explained. I’ll stop here now before I give you the full lecture on how asexual people relate to libidos and sexual attraction.
