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#queer nerd bros for always – @selfihateyouithink on Tumblr
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round and round the winchesters go

@selfihateyouithink / selfihateyouithink.tumblr.com

I am an Angel of the Lord who probably would do well in finance, and I don't like to do what people expect. Thirty-four. White USian. Autistic, anxious depressive (with PTSD). Nonbinary/genderqueer (demigirl). She/they pronouns. Sex-indifferent pan gay greyromantic demisexual. INFP/ISFP. Survivor. Socialist. Feminist. Relativist. Agnostic atheist. Struggling college student (yes, still). Honest misanthrope (because humans are works of art but humanity is tainted by its hatreds, conceits, and deceits), almost never neutral (because the status quo isn't), and unapologetic slasher 'til death do I stop. I am things, I question things, I like things, I hate things, I watch things, I read things, I write things, I say things, I do things. Things happen on this blog.
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Anonymous asked:

So I realized the only queer representation the show has had is Charlie (unless you count that gay couple who cosplayed Sam and Dean). And it's totally fine for Charlie, a white, feminine, lesbian to kiss a girl but queer representation for males??? Bi Dean????? Something that isn't sexualized exclusively for the male gaze???? Whaaattt. Impossible. Fucking queerbaiting man. Like can someone just tweet the writers or something and be like yo guys wtf.

actually my issue with charlie isn’t that she’s sexualized for the male gaze bc literally there was only one time where she made out with a hot chick for like two seconds (and one time i watched an episode with my roommate’s boyfriend and he kept going on and on about how hot charlie is and when i said something about her being a lesbian he laughed and was like “i totally forgot she was gay” but i digress).

no, setting aside the fact that bob singer brutally murdered her for no reason, my main issue with charlie is that she’s a male nerd’s fantasy (sorry, robbie thompson). she’s gorgeous and socially competent and smart and funny and tech savvy, and she enjoys things like video games and lord of the rings and LARPing….which are all sanctioned by male nerd culture. charlie’s like an “approved” nerd by male nerd standards, and her geekiness is particularly “cool.” i’m basically just quoting this article right here that everyone should definitely read.

this is why i will not be counted among the queer fans who claim “charlie is me.” charlie is pointedly not me. i dress in ratty clothes and write fan fiction and run a blog about dudes making out with each other. i stay in more often than i go out, i go on an angry feminist rant at least once a day, sometimes i watch golf or upholster furniture. male nerd culture would probably reject me pretty fast tbh.

don’t get me wrong, i love charlie bradbury. it’s not necessarily ~bad~ that she’s the stuff of joss whedon’s wet dreams. but i am /not/ charlie bradbury. so the fact that she was soopernatraul’s only queer representation left me feeling a bit lonely. having ONE queer person represent ALL queer people on your show is….unrealistic. 

charlie bradbury is not me. she’s not some pinnacle of all of us fans combined or some representation of all queer lady fans. we deserve more than just charlie bradbury, and frankly, charlie bradbury deserved a whole lot more herself. that’s my issue with charlie.

(and, u know, there IS a character on soopernutritional who is me, but the chances of him ever coming out as bi are looking slimmer and slimmer by the minute.)

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#Long post.

First: No, anon, Demian and Barnes don’t count. Charlie is the only recurring queer character in the series.

Second:

All I’m hearing is ‘blah blah egocentrism blah blah internalized misogyny blah blah I didn’t actually watch Charlie’s episodes’. And if the ‘character who is you’ is Dean, then the leg you have to stand on here just crumpled to dust, because there are few people who are more of a male nerd fantasy than Dean ‘Pit Stop at Mount Doom?’ Winchester.

(Disclaimer: Charlie could have been several things to break the mold more, like less conventionally attractive, marginally lazier? idk, even more overtly feminist in a way that interrogated SPN a bit more, a woman of color.)

But uh, this is a mountain of wow. Cos like.

Yeah, Charlie enjoys some things dudes notoriously enjoy, and some dudes like that (as opposed to using it as just another manner of sexist gatekeeping).

She also enjoys things like Robyn. And reproductive rights functions. And Harry Potter (and ships Hermione with someone who’s not Ron). SHE READS FAN FIC. She sings when she’s nervous, and…socially competent? Really? She babbles when she tries to flirt with the security guard, who she can barely flirt with at all, because he’s “not a girl”, and she just goes “But…~FBI~” when their plan starts to fail because the lady coroner’s the monster. She says things like, “That’s what they get for the sexist name.” and “Hey, [Nice Guy]? I’m the one who saves damsels in distress around here.” (ala Storyteller, from Buffy S7). Her hero is Hermione Granger, not any of the dudes from the dude-approved stuff you so revile her liking. She got on a watchlist for illegally open-sourcing a video game: bet #GG would love that, right.

(If that article is rehashing your points here, then fuck that article. Sexist bull.) So Charlie’s not you cos Dean’s you, whatthefuckever. She’s still a lot of nerdy (autistic) queer women, like my babe dubiousculturalartifact for instance, and you’re kinda being a selfish ass by acting like cos some dudes do like her, she’s made for dudes. Who are you to get on a soapbox of internalized ‘not like other girls’ crap and say “she’s not at all us cos she’s not me“ and then turn around and say her much more masculinist literal male fantasy counterpart is you.

I won’t disagree with you, by a longshot, when it comes to “she made me feel lonely” and “one queer character is unrealistic”. That’s extremely accurate and part of why people thirst so much for Dean and Cas to be textualized. QUEER PEOPLE WITH ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS AND ALSO QUEER FRIENDS!!

But if your thoughts on Charlie before 10x21 amount to “We deserved better than this Male Fantasy®” then you really have another, less sexist, think coming.

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laurxnts

I love the fact that Dean Winchester is this super macho manly man who likes muscle cars and leather and classic rock and porn but aCtuALLY he’s just a bisexual puppy who watches doctor sexy and listens to Taylor swift and loves to cosplay and watches Oprah and is a total fucking nERD who’s in love with one of his best friends and his other best friend is a nerdy lesbian

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in which Charlie meets Cas (and maybe Chuck isn't as dead as we thought)

Charlie shows up two weeks after the angels fall, parking her car in the woods behind the bunker and walking three miles because, apparently, that’s how you handle secret bunkers on TV.  Dean wants to roll his eyes, but if he’s honest with himself he’s glad for the company: Sam’s healing, but it’s slow, and he spends most of his time asleep, or staring blankly at walls while Dean tries alternately to cajole him into eating, or annoy him into it, swallowing down broth resentfully just to get Dean to stop hovering.  The rest of the bunker isn’t a hell of a lot better: Kevin’s locked himself in the library with the angel tablet and all the junk food on earth, there’s a broken-down demon crying to chick flicks in their dungeon, and Castiel, once they finally found him just south of Topeka, hasn’t been awake for more than three hours in one shot, burrowed underneath all of the bedding they could spare and some of Dean’s that he probably couldn’t.  It took six comforters alone to get him to stop shivering; Dean’s getting tired of being the most stable person in the Batcave.  It’s freaking unnatural.

The knock on the door nearly gives Dean (another) heart attack; he’s got his gun out of his pant pocket and trained on impenetrable steel even before his phone buzzes, Charlie’s number and a r u guys home? leaving him feeling slightly ridiculous, despite himself.  He tucks the glock back into a drawer and pulls open the door, is promptly sent staggering backwards by a hug that shouldn’t be able to involve that much force, given the size of its instigator.

“Jesus Christ, you scared me.”  Dean breathes into her hair.  She smells like overpriced shampoo and incense sticks, and Dean’s eyes prickle.  He didn’t realize how much he missed her.  “I’m glad you’re okay, kiddo.”

“Me? I’m not the one out chasing all the—” she makes a whistling sound that probably translates roughly into either ‘comets’ or ‘falling angels;’ Dean isn’t entirely sure how much she knows about what happened, doesn’t entirely want to ask.  In the end he doesn’t have to, because Charlie pushes past him, looking around the bunker.  “It’s freaking crazy out there, I had to off-road it just to get up here.  Where’s Sam, is he okay?  What happened with the trials?”  Her voice drops with worry.  “Castiel wasn’t one of those fiery ball things, was he?”

Dean is swept up in a wave of rapid-fire questions; he raises a hand to his head, trying to figure out what statement he should go at first.  He settles for a broad, “wait, how did you—”

And apparently absolutely no one is on Dean’s side today, because it’s at this moment, after a good three days of refusing to leave his bed and the massive pile of blankets and pillows he’s been burrowed underneath, that Castiel finally chooses to drag his ass out of the spare room he’s claimed as his own, hair sticking up at all angles and three days’ worth of stubble shading his jaw.  He’s wearing Dean’s boxers and an old concert t-shirt, scratching at his skin where the elastic rides too-low on his hip bones, and Dean spares a look over at Charlie, suddenly aware exactly what this looks like.  He looks….well, he looks fucked.

Is fucked, if Dean’s feeling cynical.  They all are.  But definitely not in the way Charlie’s expression suggests she’s assuming.

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