I feel like mainstream society’s perceptions of “healthy” relationships are so dangerous, toxic, and, ultimately, responsible for many missed opportunities.
For the most part, things are pretty much grouped into three extremely rigid areas: familial relationships, which must consist of strong, timeless bonds; friendships, which are viewed as necessary yet only healthy in certain amounts and to certain degrees; and sexual-romantic relationships, which are prized above all else as the golden tickets of relationships.
Maybe I just like to throw a wrench into things, but I feel that by following these guidelines some people are missing chances for meaningful relationships.
Think about what you might miss when forced to comply to Relationship Standards and Terms of Agreement:
It’s limiting how much you can love your friends, yet demanding you love your family. Concurrently, it’s telling you that if you care too much about your friends you’re weird, but if you don’t care enough you’re emotionless. If you don’t eventually end up with a partner you’re missing out, but if you date someone on the internet you’re lacking the quintessence of a relationship. Sex* is necessary, but so is romance*, and you must get both from the same person, at the same time. (*Footnote: while absolutely necessary, both are only healthy in moderation.)
All family members are on this level, all friends are on this level, your romantic-sexual relationship at the tippy top. There is no variation. This relationship must meet this criteria. It must. No mixing and matching with other relationships. No half-way points. No passing go. Do not collect $200. No, your happiness does not matter.
Doesn’t this seem ridiculous? I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
Here’s a different way of thinking about things: If someone makes you feel fulfilled, in any way that vacillates a positive state of being, your relationship with them is good. Likewise, if someone makes you feel shitty, you are under no obligations to care for them.
You shouldn’t be worrying about whether or not you’re too close to a person, or care about them too much. Different people have different emotional and sexual needs, in different capacities, and how those needs are satisfied are equally as varied. If everyone involved is satisfied with the situation, go for it. Don’t worry if your best friend is crossing into romantic territory. Who is to say what is romantic and non-romantic territory? You wanna hold your best friend’s hand? Hold your best friend’s hand. Do it.
Don’t miss an opportunity to connect with people because of preconceived notions. Don’t feel obligated to care. Forget the hierarchy, forget the rules. It’s too exhausting to remember them all, anyway.
