I am an Angel of the Lord who probably would do well in finance, and I don't like to do what people expect.
Thirty-four. White USian. Autistic, anxious depressive (with PTSD). Nonbinary/genderqueer (demigirl). She/they pronouns. Sex-indifferent pan gay greyromantic demisexual. INFP/ISFP. Survivor. Socialist. Feminist. Relativist. Agnostic atheist. Struggling college student (yes, still).
Honest misanthrope (because humans are works of art but humanity is tainted by its hatreds, conceits, and deceits), almost never neutral (because the status quo isn't), and unapologetic slasher 'til death do I stop.
I am things, I question things, I like things, I hate things, I watch things, I read things, I writethings, I say things, I do things. Things happen on this blog.
people are calling sam demisexual ?? im confused? under a ficgifs of his episode???? but?? thats not demisexuality?
You’re right, it’s not.Demisexuals don’t really do one night stands (especially not in media, where one night stands, when consensual, are typically indicative of immediate attraction–and btw fucking someone in the car is not indicative of non-attracted ‘just having sex cos it’s a good situation’ sex-indifferent opportunism). Demis and Grey As don’t fuck someone and then flirt with someone else within hours. That’s allo behavior. Sam is and always has been straight and nothing else but straight. No ace. No aro. Just straight, but neurodivergent (post-traumatic and codependent) in a way that typically stops him pursuing things because of how it’s gone before, and because of his cowed, dependent, little brother role.
People need to fucking stop trying to shove Sam in, because he’s not a fucking demisexual and all they’re doing is muddling what demisexuals actually are to force their fave into queer discussions where he doesn’t belong, by twisting the text of his generally abstaininguntil it’s unrecognizable. I find it very offensive when people argue he does, honestly, because A) it’s bullshit and B) it’s always this really damn annoying reading of my orientation used to do it, like cos Sam is so allistic and normative in the ways he interacts with people (unlike autistic and marginally more disordered Dean) he can’t be like That Filthy Dean when it comes to to sex, he’s a Saint Who Makes Love to Loving Souls or what the fuck ever. I’m tired of it. He’s not queer, he’s never been queer, and if he were some form of ace, it wouldn’t be proof of damn innocence, contrary to popular belief.
I need asexual awareness because when I tell people anything along the lines of, “Oh, I don’t really care for sex,” “I actually wouldn’t mind at all if I went my entire life without ever having sex,” “Ohh, he/she’s really attractive to look at, I- no, I do not want to have sex with them, I didn’t say that, did I? No, I didn’t. I just think they’re nice to look at,” “I don’t even like sex that much, most of the time I’d rather not do it,” etc., etc., etc.,
I don’t want to constantly be met with responses like, “That’s impossible,” “Yeah right,” “Very funny,” “Oh don’t be so embarrassed/don’t try to hide it, I can see you obviously want to have sex with that person, it’s okay you can admit it,” “But EVERYONE loves sex! You can’t not love sex,” “Okay, suuuuure, you keep telling yourself that,” “You’re lying.”
No, I am not lying. No, I am not trying to hide some deep, burning lust that I am ashamed of admitting or something. No, I am not trying to be sarcastic or crack a joke - my sexuality is not a joke. No, my sexuality and the the way I feel because of it is not impossible.
I just wish it could be more common to accept that some people are indifferent to sex (or repulsed by it, or like it but still don’t feel sexual attraction, etc.) instead of the common ideal being that all humans just HAVE to love sex all the time. I wish I could mention my asexuality in casual conversation without receiving snide, condescending remarks in return.
I wish I wouldn’t be called a liar or fake or a prude because of my sexuality.
I wish when I said I was indifferent to sex, people could just reply with something simple like, “Oh, really? Okay,” or whatever and move on.
My sexuality is not fake, or prudish, or a way of hiding insecurities, or a lie, or a joke, or impossible. It’s real, and it’s who I am, and I deserve to be treated with respect regardless of the fact I don’t always feel like having sex. The degree to which ANYONE, asexual or allosexual, feels sexual attraction should not determine the amount of respect they receive. And no one should be made fun of or called fake and a liar for who they are and how, in turn, they feel; what they can’t help and/or the personal choices they have consciously made.
It’s almost time for Asexual Supernatural Week, where it’s time to celebrate anything of the asexual spectrum in the Supernatural fandom. Be it headcanons, meta, fanart, fanfiction, graphics, and anything else you desire! Tag your posts with #acespnweek and we’ll be sure to reblog them here!
To avoid feeling too restricting, the week’s days do not have themes. However, feel free to consider this list of ideas:
Food Analogies to Explain Asexual Attitudes Toward Sex
The Sex-Indifferent Asexual (Who Has Sex Any Number of Times):
So let’s say you go to a restaurant with your friends. Everybody orders: appetizer, soup or salad, entree. When the entrees have been eaten, your friends look at the dessert menu. You’re totally full and have no interest in dessert, so you don’t order it. Your friends do, and the dessert shows up. The person sitting next to you ordered double chocolate cheesecake, eats half or three-quarters of the piece, then says, “I’m full, and this is too rich. Here, you finish it.”
So there you are with this piece of double chocolate cheesecake. You aren’t hungry, you’re not particularly a fan of it, nor do you hate it. It looks like it probably tastes decent, if not good. So you decide, what the hell, I’ll try it. You eat the remaining chunk. It’s all right. You like it but you don’t love it. You ate it for the taste and because it was put in front of you, despite your total lack of hunger. You probably won’t order it in the future, of your own volition. If you never eat it again, you won’t give a shit. But it’s not the worst thing you’ve ever eaten. It actually wasn’t bad. You just aren’t enthusiastic about it enough to want it for its own sake. If you come back to this restaurant with your friends in the future and somebody orders the cheesecake and then offers you some again, you might eat it just because it’s offered to you or you might decline. Whatever.
Repulsed Asexual:
You go to a restaurant with friends. Somebody orders pork. You HATE pork. You can’t stand it. You absolutely refuse to touch it. Thinking about eating pork can sometimes make you nauseous. It doesn’t matter to you that your friend’s at the table eating it, you just can’t really understand how she likes it because you hate it so intensely. But as long as no one shoves it in your mouth against your will, you’re fine. You order what you like.
The Asexual Who Isn’t Quite Repulsed But Still Refuses to Have Sex for Other Reasons:
You decide to become a vegetarian because you feel strongly about animal rights, and eating meat doesn’t feel good to you, even though it tastes good. (Though it never tasted so good that you have a hard time cutting it out of your diet.) You don’t really care if your friends continue to eat meat, you don’t have any strong reaction to meat when you’re around it, you don’t hate it, you just feel better as a vegetarian. You feel better physically and emotionally. You know that it’s more difficult eating out as a vegetarian than it is as an omnivore, but you’re willing to deal with that because vegetarianism feels best to you.
Or maybe you’ve always been vegetarian. You grew up in a vegetarian home or you rejected meat as a kid for no apparent reason. You don’t know what meat even tastes like and you don’t care. You’re happy as a vegetarian. You feel no desire or curiosity to eat meat, though people tell you that it’s awesome. You figure it probably does taste awesome but you’re accustomed to your lifestyle as a vegetarian and the way you feel in your body and mind and heart based on that lifestyle choice. Being a vegetarian feels comfortable. So you stick to it.
Gray-Asexual (Who Either Occasionally Experiences Sexual Attraction or Sometimes Has a Libido):
You go to a restaurant with friends in June. On the menu, you see they have a seared tuna steak entree. You went through a phase a few years ago where you absolutely fucking loved seared tuna steak. You ate it all the time. Then you got over it and moved onto a different food. The menu description of this tuna steak sounds pretty awesome but you pick something else instead because you’re just not in the mood.
You come back to the same restaurant with friends in October. There’s that tuna steak again, and you sort of feel like eating it tonight. So you order it. It’s delicious. You enjoy it. You leave the restaurant satisfied but you don’t feel the need to eat that dish again anytime soon. You know it tastes good, but it isn’t your favorite thing. And you have to really be in the mood for it now. Doesn’t happen that often anymore but when it does, you’ll act on it if you happen to have access to a restaurant that serves seared tuna steak. If you don’t have access? Eh, no big deal. It’s not all that important to you.
Demisexual:
So you happen to really love cheeseburgers. But you’re sort of picky about it. You won’t eat them just anywhere. In fact, you have a favorite place that serves them, a place where you have a lot of cool memories because you’re a regular. You don’t want to eat burgers anywhere else, even if they taste just as good, because you really, really like the burgers at your place. And part of the reason why you like those burgers so much is because of the place itself. There’s a whole sort of personal mystique you’ve built around this restaurant. Maybe you could get a burger elsewhere that’s just as good or better, maybe there are awesome burgers out there that you don’t even know about, but it doesn’t matter to you. You’re attached to your place, so that’s where you go. You like the way you feel when you go to your place, and that’s part of what makes the experience good for you. And if you can’t go there, then you don’t feel particularly enthusiastic about eating burgers.
The Kinky Asexual Who Only Does Sexual Things in Connection to Their Kink:
You don’t like sushi except for this ONE roll, at this Japanese restaurant where you went with friends once and tried it because it looked interesting. You fucking love that roll. But just that roll. All other sushi doesn’t look very appetizing to you. So you’re not really a sushi eater, you’re someone who eats that special sushi roll when you can get it, and otherwise, you don’t give a shit about sushi.
Hi! I'm that anon about demisexuality! I'm on anon because my personal blog is kinda wonky with coding right now. Could you tell me about demisexuality? (I'll message you on my personal blog once I clean up some coding)
Hey, hi! :D
Okay, so I don’t know exactly what you want, so I think first, I’ll tell you about my own experiences (which sometimes diverge into grey A; fluidity etc.), and then I’ll link you to some stuff, cool?
First of all, you probably know asexuality is a spectrum? Well, the part of the spectrum that’s demisexuality is like asexuality most of the time, no sexual attraction at all, but then sometimes you get close to people or feel really, really strong intimacy and emotional bonding even if it’s one-sided (in my case, at least—which is why I sometimes think I vacillate into grey: more specifically situational sexual attraction when you’re rarely ever), and then sexual attraction arises, but not before.
So for instance, for me like 98.9999% of all the people I’ve ever actually wanted to bang were people I was friends with for a (very) long time first, and in most cases, the banging urge only arose when we became even better friends than just casual ones.
Additionally, there have been some really wonderful people I’ve dated whom I’ve dumped because after only a couple days of meeting in person or a month or so of being friends at all, kissing them yielded nothing of attraction for me and something for them.
I could name all the people I’ve actually thought about having sex in any legitimate way that wasn’t autochorissexual (i.e. sex where I get off but it’s not really me) or psychosomatic allosexism (as in, imagining it just because I had no idea how else to deal with my sensual attraction, my touch-starved want to cuddle and kiss and caress people who look soft and sweet and trustworthy, or romantic attraction, which usually followed those things; I’m not sure if I’m demiromantic, I think I’m definitely grey A there) with on like, two hands, and I’ve actually tried to have sex with someone whom I was attracted to before when we were super close, once we weren’t as close, and not been able to get off with him, cos the attraction just wasn’t at all as accessible.
Also, I am conventionally attractive in several ways, so I should note that I am constantly hit on by people of all genders and it’s really, really uncomfortable, and has strained many a budding relationship of any kind, and taught my autistic self quickly the social skill of friendly, subtle rejection; that’s a huge part of my demisexuailty, the fact that I can’t feel immediate sexual attraction or attraction to all people I’m close with, even to people I find startlingly pretty, and people do not accept that. I can’t really date, because people will pressure me and I will feel way too uncomfortable for the attraction to occur organically after a bond.
Now keep in mind I’m sex-indifferent, though not sex-repulsed, so I have a fairly low drive as well as low attraction; we demisexuals without sexual attraction can still enjoy or want sex for sex’s sake that isn’t with someone we’re able to feel attraction for, especially if that someone is trustworthy and respectful of our boundaries and focused on stimulating body, not mind. For the most part, sex is a fascinating but far-off concept to me, kind of like skydiving or eating really exotic food; something that other people clearly enjoy that I most of the time don’t really see the appeal in, but other times think I want to try (again) because I want the experience. But when it comes to people I can feel attraction for, all of a sudden, I want to visit every airplane and bizarre restaurant in sight, y’feel?
The biggest problem for me with being demisexual is the desperation that arises from the rarity of actual attraction, which you can manifest as a terrible, controlling person of the only people you can be attracted to so that they will respond, or which other people can respond to by using and abusing you knowing you are extremely attached and unlikely to leave because you’ll rarely find someone else. I have been abused by several of the people I was attracted to, and in some cases, the abuse was mutual (mostly when I was a kid too young to get the dynamics of abuse or realize that I was conditioned that way) because I couldn’t bear to let go of the only person I wanted.
The second biggest problem is the fact that nobody gets demisexuality. Nobody but us, anyway. Nobody gets the idea of having sex without attraction. Nobody gets the idea of being romantically or platonically or aesthetically attracted (or all three!) but not sexually. Nobody gets that demisexuals are largely ace until specific relationships have a toy surprise of attraction at the bottom.
Everybody thinks that’s just how everybody works, or that everybody wants sex all the time, and that’s what attraction means, and it makes maneuvering through life with this sexuality difficult sometimes, especially as we have like, zero representation (which is why Booky and I clash a bit, because I like Castiel as Dean-attracted demisexual demi/greyro representation though he has before performed being allo even while being assaulted, just like me, and they like him as ace/nearly aro representation who’s never needed to perform but yet romantically likes Dean and would do him as a result of that for closeness and to enjoy Dean’s pleasure).
Edits: For the record, I totally can get off on porn. I masturbate, mostly to sounds or really well written smut. I don’t give a shit about most of the actors (though I really like the aesthetic and sounds and stories of Lisa Boyle), but can do the voyeur thing, as long as it’s not too obviously faked. I also find porn fascinating in what it reveals about sexual norms, in the grossest way. I can also enjoy the aesthetic treat of pretty people dancing, such as in a strip club, but I freak when I’m alone with them and expected to enjoy it, start babbling and asking questions, trying to get to know them cos them being strangers is hard for me. The sensuality is nice, but the sexual attraction just isn’t there for them (and they find me cute for this hesitancy most of the time).
Also for the record, I have been sexually assaulted multiple times (kiss, touch, you name it), and that doesn’t invalidate my sexuality; a lot of these assaults have seemed publicly okay to other people because I have responded in a way that performed allosexuality in front of allosexuals when I was really uncomfortable and later understood that that was because I didn’t want it.
All right, so that’s me, my demisexual experience. For the record, I am currently attracted to a guy I’ve known as a casual friend since high school, and part of me wants to go for it, but the other part of me would really rather not engage with sexual politics and go through all the weirdness just to get something I’m largely indifferent to getting; part of me wants to just wait for it or him to go away (he goes to college away from here). I was startled by it and it’s not entirely comfortable because it’s not real familiar, as I usually am by attraction I could genuinely act upon.
For in general, there are several resources you could look into (I actually just did a paper on this! So you caught me at the best time):
im confused when i see people say things like "ASEXUALS CAN BE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE AND HAVE SEX AND WANT TO HAVE SEX" like?? doesnt that defeat the point of asexuality?? what is asexuality if not a lack of sexual attraction?
Alright, time for Asexuality 202 and 212 (these are arbitrary number level assignments but they’re bigger than 101 and they flow nicely in my opinion).
So, if you know Asexuality 101 (it seems that you do), then you know that Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. A+ you have passed Asexuality 101.
However, asexuality in all is a pretty complicated subject. So I am going to attempt to answer this question and then explain it to you, so that you get a deeper understanding of asexuality.
This is going to get really long and I apologize. Everything is under the cut.
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