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#don't forget that when you're thinking of her sad scared conventionally pretty face because they didn't trust her. – @selfihateyouithink on Tumblr
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round and round the winchesters go

@selfihateyouithink / selfihateyouithink.tumblr.com

I am an Angel of the Lord who probably would do well in finance, and I don't like to do what people expect. Thirty-four. White USian. Autistic, anxious depressive (with PTSD). Nonbinary/genderqueer (demigirl). She/they pronouns. Sex-indifferent pan gay greyromantic demisexual. INFP/ISFP. Survivor. Socialist. Feminist. Relativist. Agnostic atheist. Struggling college student (yes, still). Honest misanthrope (because humans are works of art but humanity is tainted by its hatreds, conceits, and deceits), almost never neutral (because the status quo isn't), and unapologetic slasher 'til death do I stop. I am things, I question things, I like things, I hate things, I watch things, I read things, I write things, I say things, I do things. Things happen on this blog.
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A brief explanation of Meg's character development

Season 1-2 Meg: Works for Azazel, who she's extremely devoted to (though more so to his cause--the winning formula). She's one of the most powerful demons topside, and can cause as much chaos and mayhem as she wants without facing any significant threats.
Season 5 Meg: No longer has Azazel, but lives in the age of wonder and demon dreams. She can act as cocky as she wants without risking her neck, because she's still significantly powerful and fighting for the winning cause. (EDIT: The cause being that she gets to be an imperialist tyrant enjoying what she perceives as divine right.)
Season 6 Meg: Has lost her cause and is wanted dead by the new King of Hell. She still has a few henchmen, but she's in danger and has to act with extreme caution, taking friends (EDIT: allies she calls friends without earning friendship) wherever she can get them.
Season 7 Meg: Has nobody. She's completely friendless (EDIT: without allies*, even hated ones) and on the run, so desperate that she begs to team up with the Winchesters and volunteers to look after a mentally ill* Castiel to get on their good side. (Important note: At this point Pacifist!Cas was the only one who treated her with [EDIT: barely any but more than anyone else] affection, and was about the only person she could trust not to kill her [EDIT: because she manipulated a disabled, isolated, Castiel into that, attempting to make him her pet] without her having to EARN any of his or anybody else's respect or trust.)
Season 8 Meg: ...Has been tortured by Crowley over a year, with no hope of rescue and nobody to care. She finds herself working for people who don't care about her [including Castiel, apart from the dregs of his 'owing'], against people who want to torture and kill her, and opts to die for the faintest semblance of a cause rather than struggle on. That's why blonde Meg seems so different; she's been through a different sort of hell, and she's probably tired. (EDIT: Also primarily written with pure heterosexist, heteronormative fan service in mind.)
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