Friendly demisexual reminder:

Sex without sexual attraction is a thing. It happens every day, if it must be said, whether by people who’re allo or people who’re on the ace spectrum.

Sex-inclined people of any orientation are the most likely to have sex just to feel good and get off, and it doesn’t affect their orientation. (See: Dean Winchester.)

Sex-indifferent people are less likely but still might (usually when the opportunity arises that someone wants to fuck us, and more rarely, we might maybe try). It doesn’t affect theirs either. (See: Sam Winchester.)

Sex-averse/sex-repulsed people are super less likely to have sex for any reason, sexual attraction or not, because aversion/repulsion. But it doesn’t affect theirs either, if it’s for instance, posturing or experimenting or whatever.

Waiting to have sex with someone you don’t know until you feel more emotionally connected and/or trust them more, but still wanting to with them specifically, initially and up until you actually do it, is not demisexuality. (Drooling over someone’s looks in a sexual manner [like “I’d like to see what he could do with this hands” or whatever--as opposed to just noting they’re aesthetically pleasing and/or other non-sexual remarks on their beauty] and the like should not be part of a romantic meetcute from a demisexual’s POV.)

Demisexuality is specifically two things*:

1) An asexual orientation wherein you do not feel sexual attraction to anyone, without a strong emotional connection/bond first, regardless of however many/few (usually few) you can be attracted to when that parameter is met. 2) Alternately, an asexual orientation wherein you do not enjoy sex with anyone because of your type of asexuality but you develop a version of sexual attraction based upon prolonged sexual contact that’s gone well with someone you are somehow connected to, and are that manner of attracted only to them.

*In my experience with many demis, intimacy is key in both of these two things. Real intimacy, more often than not, must be present, or at least feel like it is.

Some things to know about this are: that emotional connection/bond doesn’t have to be romantic, but it is usually fairly strong and generally develops over a decent amount of time, as some romances can. Additionally, you can feel something as strong as romantic things can be for someone and still not be sexually attracted to them when you’re a demisexual, and then feel a non-romantic strong bond with someone else and be sexually attracted to them. Some/many demisexuals require this bond to feel this because of something that means they must really trust someone in order to have sex with them at all, to the point where attraction cannot even arise unless that trust happens, so the passionate whirlwind infatuated romance might not actually induce sexual attraction but the long-term friendship might instead do so.

Also, generally, demisexuals are usually ace 99% of the time and sexual attraction is usually a shock that happens as part of a relationship as a result of this? I admit, some demis feel it arise gradually, but usually, what you’re really describing is a sex-indifferent allosexual or Grey Asexual who is feeling sexual attraction increase over time to the point that it’s becoming undeniably strong and too hard to ignore. I know very few demis who would describe their own awareness of their sexual attraction as a person “gradually becoming sexier” and much more who would describe it instead as “startling” or “sudden” after a while of being around someone somehow and connecting to/with them. Many I have met have said that demisexuality doesn’t feel at all gradual: one week you feel no sexual want for this person, the next week y’do, is very common.

Sex-indifferent (sometimes sex-averse) demisexuality can mean that the demi person fucks them before they’re sexually attracted to them and then maybe later wants them specifically, or it can mean that they never are sexually attracted but later almost feel like they are, start to want them specifically in an almost-attraction manner, because they’re conditioned to associate good things with this particular person’s sex acts in a way that cultivates an inclination rather than an indifferent enjoyment or an averse exceptional pleasure.

What people need to learn to interrogate so as to communicate when they’re explaining or writing demisexuality (among other acespec sexualities) is a) is the specific demisexual person inclined, indifferent, averse, or repulsed?**

**(It also is important to figure out how touch-averse they are and what their romantic orientation and/or level of romantic inclination is. Greyromantic demisexual Castiel might wanna kiss and hold Dean right away, but not based upon sexualized ogling and still might not want to do anything sexual at all with him, ever, or at least not until the bond--as in canon--triggers sexual attraction, at which point he might, unlikely to pursue it as he is being sex-indifferent.)

And then, b) from there, how can you, the writer, express that this person might still want to fuck a person repeatedly without sexual attraction to them, and/or might want to fuck in general regardless of sexual attraction to any people at all, and how can you write to differentiate between that and orientation-affecting sexual attraction?

Example: how can you express that in canon Castiel is arguably sex-indifferent enough that he probably won’t fuck anyone unless they (metaphorically) drop it in his lap AND he’s in the mood that day AND it’s an auspicious situation, without portraying him as your standard allosexual playboy if that’s happened a few times? Without erasing his demisexuality and the fact that he’s only thus far attracted to Dean (unless you come up with an original character he’s known for a long time and whom he trusts) in canon and that itself took a while to arise?

How can you express that without we, the sex-indifferent demisexuals exactly like Castiel who are reading this, feeling like you either don’t understand us enough to write us well or are intent on correcting us to make us seem more allosexual/sex-inclined somehow if you can?

***Additional similar examples: how can you express that Castiel is asexual (less canon and please don’t erase queer-read attraction okay) but sex-indifferent so he’s not bothered by having sex but he doesn’t want anyone specifically? How can you express that Castiel is grey A (less canon and please don’t erase the parameters of his sexual attraction to Dean to do the “easier” acespec orientation where you can more often get away without talking about the lack of attraction bit--though Grey A is more understandable provided it’s still noted Castiel has only thus far been attracted to Dean in canon) and maybe sometimes is more sex-inclined, sometimes is more sex-indifferent?

selfihateyouithink reblogged

afannishknitter

elizabethrobertajones

Anonymous asked:

I almost agree with the dudebro anon but every time I get negative, I remember the burger date and that look that Dean gives Cas after Dean tells him he's great and Cas replies that he isn't. Jensen is a good actor. That look was not platonic. But of course, I could be wrong.

elizabethrobertajones answered:

This is making me really sad that we only have two scenes that really do anything for reassuring us in season 10, since this whole topic constantly and consistently comes down to these two scenes.

I think there’s a significant chunk of the fandom that would be much happier with early Destiel seasons kind of interaction - Cas always reliably around and when he’s around it’s with Dean, and when it’s with Dean it’s weird and they stare a lot and Dean gets confused and says something accidentally flirty as hell, and Cas does the confused squint.

Which like, yeah, I love that shit. :P

But it also wasn’t going anywhere. Dean could accidentally check out Cas’s mouth 10 times a conversation but at the end of the day Cas’s role in the plot was utilitarian and his relationship with Dean was a fascinating combination of personal and cosmic crisis of faith for the both of them, but in the end of both Kripke era and season 6 and 7, they never really… found a place together? In season 6 up to the betrayal, okay, probably prompted by how weird Cas was all season, this was when Dean exclusively used him for help, and all the emotional stuff between them was a simmering lead up to how Cas had changed and how the “profound bond” the Apocalypse built between them ended up being as much a liability as anything and just made it all extremely painful when things didn’t work out. Season 7 worked just to repair that damage but never really looked at what Cas wanted or how the repair would work long-term. Every possibility that they’d actually be able to find a way to belong together properly as suggested by the main plot has been since Purgatory. Perhaps built up by their very last conversations in season 7, but no really any further back than that.

But yeah, what happened from season 8 onwards? Cas always gets dragged away from Dean, constantly and consistently. and it gets worse and worse as Carver Era continues, but the pattern starts there. The emotional work is all showing for the first time Dean wanting/needing Cas there with him; giving Dean a home so there’s somewhere we could wish they were together; poking Cas to ask what he wants to be and where he wants to be; going through Dean’s necessary character development to understand what he wants/needs; going through the loose ends of Cas’s story to make his journey even clearer…

Like, ugh, I’d kill for a few episodes of Dean and Cas bickering and staring like the old days, but there’s also a really interesting story going on with them, and I have trust in it at least playing out with some intent to move them together in the end (because of all the times they haven’t been put together, and how the focus of their story these last few seasons has been more and more on how they aren’t allowed to come together) and… okay this is all stuff I tell myself to make it feel better when they don’t spend so much time together…

But on the other hand the little moments we do get are really great with the heart eyes and the angsty miscommunication and sad staring and so on and so forth… They’re at a calmer, less fraught position with each other, and these moments show us how things are before they’re taken away from each other again, as helpful reminders/building blocks to the bigger story which has them a million miles apart but being given the development they need to hopefully come together eventually…

Augh, I dunno, I’m just trying to say I’m not mad at the show for not giving us so much time with them, even if I can be bitter at the same time they’re missing out on their most interesting dynamic between characters. I think given episodes together and writing that supports it, Jensen and Misha would absolutely act out old school Destiel stuff, but Destiel itself is in a totally different school right now, so… *shrugs*

cupidsbower

yarnyfan

:

The “calmer, less fraught position with each other” is one of those things that sometimes makes me think they absolutely slept together during the fanfiction gap (or other off-screen opportunity, but really that’s the prime suspect). The UST seemed to have vanished in a puff of smoke, to be replaced by simply being casually comfortable together… and resolved ST kind of looks like that.

The only problem there is: given everything that having sex would represent for both Dean and Cas, I would feel absolutely cheated if their first time together happened offscreen. I’m not asking for a scene even as explicit as the M/F scenes in the Kripke era got… just… something, you know?

I have been thinking about this a fair bit in the last few weeks, because I’ve noticed the pattern too, and have been wondering about it.

The thing is, I’ve just come out of Teen Wolf fandom, where a very similar pattern was evident in the later seasons of the show. Sterek continued to be built and progressed in the subtext, but the actors got fewer and fewer scenes, and those scenes they were in generally had less substance. It’s pretty clear now that the ship is not going canon, despite the subtext and the way it was used in PR early in the show’s run. Honestly, it’s one of the most perfect examples of queerbaiting I’ve ever been witness to, and I almost have to admire it for how well it was done (except I don’t , obvs).

So to see that ~~same~~ kind of pattern between Dean and Castiel does give me pause. I don’t trust the Supernatural PTB not to be generally skeevy about queer subtext; in fact, one of the reasons I stepped back from Supernatural back in s6 was because I could tell by the toxic queer-coding they were giving Castiel in the subtext that they were going to a) make him evil, and b) kill him. I wrote meta about it at the time, and people called me delusional, as usual. (I’m so glad I listened to the subtext and stopped watching, tbh.)

Anyway, Supernatural and I have a history, and it’s not one built on 100% trust, lets put it that way. So far, I’ve been willing to give Carver some rope, because the subtext feels different – none of that toxic homophobia has been present in s8 or s10 so far (I skipped over s9 because of the rape ~~non-con~~).

I’ve given all that context above to make it quite clear that I’m cautious about Supernatural as a queer text, and one of the reasons I’m so cautious is because the Carver-era subtext is saying pretty clearly, “We’re taking Destiel canon.”

I don’t trust it!

But that’s what it’s saying!

So, it’s either another ~~Teen Wolf~~ situation, and I’m going to be completely ropeable at the end of Carver’s arc (which will probably be s11), or we’re going to get one of two things:

Dean and Castiel will remain subtextual, but will pay off at the subtextual level, and likely get their happy ending. <– I think this is more likely.
Dean and Castiel go canon as a romantic relationship in some way, and may even get a happy ending after they’ve suffered enough. <– This is what the subtext is saying.

Lets assume for the sake of argument that I do trust the subtext (but I don’t!). How then do I explain the patterns discussed by elizabethrobertajones and yarnyfan above?

I agree with elizabethrobertajones‘s assessment that the pre-Carver Destiel wasn’t going anywhere, ~~except when it was used to tell us that Castiel was evil.~~

The Carver era has a completely different feel – it’s purposeful. And one of the ways that is playing out (if I trust the subtext, which nope, still don’t), is in having both Castiel and Dean take care of their business so that they are both in a place where they actually can get to a realistic starting line for a canon romance.

There were quite a few things they each needed to do.

Dean needed to start to deal with the trauma of his childhood, in order to be able to feel, recognise and articulate actual adult needs of his own, and be in a place where he thought it might be reasonable to actually try and fulfill them. That is a pretty big ask, and not something he could do while constantly under the supervision of people who already have a set idea about who he is. He needed time (we’re three seasons in), he needed space (Purgatory and the Bunker), and he needed a kick in the pants to actually do the work (the Mark of Cain). But more than that… he needed to try some shit out without being judged, and get it wrong, so that he could figure out what he really wanted, and what “right” might be. ~~And he’s done that too – it was his big queer lovefest with Crowley. (It’s so ironic that Dean’s queer thing with Crowley makes Destiel more likely. I’ll never be over that. LOL.)~~

See how many of those boxes have been ticked?

Dean is nearly at the starting line for an actual adult, healthy romance that’s not codependent or toxic or built on a foundation of trauma. He just thinks Castiel isn’t interested right now, because he’s “got a thing with Hannah”. There’s also Sam to consider, because Sam and Dean’s relationship and Sam’s mental health are the two remaining legacies of their traumatic childhood that haven’t been resolved (and will likely screw everything up at least once more).

Castiel needed to deal with his own traumatic baggage, from all that programming in Heaven, and also his own bad choices when he was grappling with free will and how to be a person. He also needed to know what it was like to be human, the bad stuff and the good stuff. Hunger and fear and what ~~“sex”~~ was like, and if he might want that kind of life, or if he preferred being an angel. And again, he needed to do it out from under the constant monitoring of those with a preconceived idea of who he was; he needed to feel the difference between not-what-I-want, and this-feels-good. He needed to know himself.

See how many of those boxes have been ticked?

Castiel is at the starting line, and has been for a while. There’s a strong implication that the only reason he is an angel right now is because he thinks Dean only values him as an angel. And again, Castiel’s relationship with Sam is still problematic and needs work, given that it’s creating friction and dishonesty with Dean.

Furthermore, this explains why the UST has changed between them. Before, it was underpinned by feelings neither of them could articulate and both were probably afraid of. Dean was mired in his machismo and denial and codependency with Sam. Castiel was being berated by the other angels for his perverse emotions and didn’t understand sex and “~~human”~~ desire even though he clearly felt them. It was this deep, messy, un-nameable yearning on both sides, but walled off from any possibility of being acted on, and therefore somewhat toxic as well.

It isn’t that anymore. ~~They’ve both had their flings and figured out that physical gratification is only part of it, and not even the main part.~~ They want more. The desire is still there, but burning in a different register now, because the frenetic denial has been transformed into self-awareness. This is a love story, yo.

The point is, if the subtext really can be trusted (don’t do it!), and this really is a romance playing out, keeping them apart has an important purpose. It plays into the common romance trope of lovers separated, for a start, which cues us in to what we’re seeing, but more than that, it’s got both of them to the starting line for an actual relationship that could work.

I mean, who knew that was even a thing that could happen realistically with these two characters? And in a healthy rather than self-destructive way?

The separation has yet another purpose, too. At this point in the season, we’re in the ramping-up-tension stage. We’re meant to wonder: What will happen when they are finally together again? Dean and Castiel should have scenes together soon, so that all this work can pay off.

Given the genre we’re in, and the subtext, we’ll probably get some scenes that get our hopes up, and then probably a tragic pay off in the s10 finale.

This reading isn’t a stretch, and if Dean and Castiel were a het pairing, I don’t think anyone would miss the arc they’re on. But they are not a het pairing, and that’s the issue.

My problem is one of faith. I’m not going to believe they are going there until they actually go there on my screen in undeniable text.

It’s like the movie Fever Pitch. I know they aren’t going to make Destiel canon… but obviously it’s more likely they will make it canon if they have all the story pieces in place to do so. And right now? Destiel is in the semi-final, and still kicking goals.

#I had to reblog this because it's fantastic but fuck the Sterek comparison and fuck the 'flings' and fuck calling one-sided a 'lovefest'#(Or a 'thing' without scare quotes for that matter cos wow this entire meta is SUPER allonormative and presumptuous about one-sided=mutual)#Meta #Same #Canonization #This is NEARLY how I feel. But like. I'd prefer if someone pointed out that rape is not sex and that the 'sex' bit was the BAD.#S10 spoilers #S10 spec #Dean.Cas #Dean Winchester #Dean as Cain #Castiel #Crowley x Dean cw #One sided Hannah x Cas that is #THE CODEPENDENCY CONVERSATION IS COMING #IT HAS. BEGUN.#Edits: mine #SPN rape tag #April x Cas cw #Demi erasure cw #Rape culture #I won't let the text rape Castiel into being allosexual sorry #Castiel is a sex indifferent greyromantic demipansexual #Dean is Cas's sex donut #Dean is so bi #Queerbaiting cw #S9 spoilers #(Also I blacked out the whole 'human' desire thing cos fuck that dehumanizing aces nonsense and also the Evil!Cas was an afterthought so...)#Supernatural #Fandom

selfihateyouithink

Pausing in Buffy blogging cos this is important:

PSA: Literally every prompt that says "Castiel didn't realize he was into x romantically or sexually until he became human" dehumanizes and erases aro and ace spectrum humans who actually exist by naturalizing the idea of developing humanity involving arisen attraction (as well as drive--and I'm not talking about marginally increased drive--I'm talking about sudden drives Cas never experienced ever!) and making the idea of not feeling it or not feeling it enough to know it's there inhuman by default.

This goes for literally every single one of you who write the fic itself, with or without a prompt, including "Cas discovers these new human feelings aka wanting romance/sex and/or feeling those attractions that automatically come when he becomes human".

The difference between angelic ability to want (in this case paired w/ being s/r-indifferent and ace/aro spectrum, so not really needing to pursue) and human inability not to need (because being attached to a human body changes his access to a soul and to nerve endings and the like--and a s/r-indifferent ace/aro spectrum person still doesn't feel the sex-inclined allo painful need) in response to the same level of emotions aside, Castiel would still be aware of the fact that he can want those things before he becomes human unless he is ace/aro in the total sense instead of on the spectrum, in which case he still wouldn't.

Becoming marginally less indifferent--because his own human body, or his connection to a human soul being closer, as opposed to his wavelength, lets him know more immediately and it's harder to sideline (because minor human emotions and desires to stop the discomforts of needing still knock humans on their asses, while angels have to feel things in a much more extreme sense in their True Forms to be hugely affected)--does not mean he developed human attractions; please be your fucking real, human selves and be better than Hannah in knowing this.

#P.S. I see your shit amyrat and I'm coming for you later: get your heterosexual 'by default' ass out of my ace spectrum Cas discussions #Wank for TS #Demisexual Cas #Asexual Castiel #Ace spectrum Cas #Castiel is a sex indifferent greyromantic demipansexual #I won't let the text rape Castiel into being allosexual sorry #Human does not equal sexual and I will stomp on your fucking foot if you argue otherwise #Gabriel and Balthazar are sex inclined allosexual angels #Anna is a sex inclined possibly grey A angel?#I'll kick your fucking ass don't you DARE suggest to me that because ALL angels aren't asexual that CAS can't be ace spectrum #ALSO STOP CALLING ROMANCE AND SEXUAL DESIRE/ATTRACTION 'HUMAN FEELINGS' WITHOUT QUALIFIERS #Castiel #S9 spoilers #S10 spoilers #(This is a huge part of why once the high faded I disliked Hannah again)#Angels #Demi erasure cw #(to be exact because Castiel is fucking demisexual)#My SPN meta #Meta.me #Acephobia cw #Lol Destiel fandom #Lol SPN writing #Lol SPN fandom #An increase in sex drive because of being beholden to a body or exposed more immediately to a soul #is NOT AT ALL a NATURAL DEVELOPMENT OF HUMAN FEELINGS BECAUSE HUMANS WANT SEX AND LOVE #Allosexism cw #Supernatural #Fandom

selfihateyouithink

Anonymous asked:

Why do you treat Cas' demisexuality like it was his canonical sexual orientation? I generally agree with your metas but how they're worded is kinda absolutist. Demi!Cas is an interpretation with good basis but still just an interpretation, not different from ace!Cas or even het!Cas. Seeing him as something different from demi is nothing like bi!Charlie, 'cause she's a canon lesbian while Cas is not a canon demi. Your reading of characters may be valid, and it is, but it's not the only valid one.

selfihateyouithink

goyour-own-way asked:

Hi! It's me, Sierranic, I changed my blog :) I'm a little confused by the conversation you sort of had with soullessbrothers... are you saying that it's wrong for someone to see Castiel as heterosexual, and attracted to Meg, April, etc., based on what we saw on the show? I think that's what the writers were trying to portray. Or are you saying it's wrong to rule out any other viewing of Castiel?

selfihateyouithink

Anonymous asked:

If people only read you they'd think that being a demisexual only makes you sad. I hate that. I hate it because it's not true. You can be healthy and emotionally happy and secure in yourself. I hate that you use a shared sexuality to explain away your personal issues. I hate that you took something that isn't yours to push out your feelings at other's instead of looking in. best of luck to you - last i'll say on this.

selfihateyouithink reblogged

selfihateyouithink

Sorry for anybody who has to see this unless you agree with her.

Here’s the deal, Supernatural fandom:

If you are reading 9x03, (8x17, 5x03, 6x10), etc. as

anything but “Castiel is arguably not touch- and/or sex-repulsed—he has a sex/sensual drive that can be manipulated by predators and is at least possibly amenable to some acts, but we still don’t know anything about his sexual orientation yet”…

You are being allosexist and allonormative.

If you are reading 9x03 (and 9x09) as “establishing Cas as a sexual creature so attraction is a thing now” “definitely into April”, “thinking with his dick” “he’s hetero now” etc. when Castiel himself exhibited signs of knowing he was raped and pointed out the “sex” was part of “hedonism” and “educational” with absolutely no indication of “I wanted her so much” etc., for anything except to point out the representational slights against ace spectrum or allo queers, you are being allosexist and allonormative.

And if you’re using stuff with Meg, April, Daphne, Chastity, Nora, etc. all situations in which Castiel could not freely consent, to define him as hetero or allo, you are being allosexist and allo-/heteronormative.

The only bit of evidence we have from Castiel himself of anything beyond ace/aro is Dean. Freely chosen stuff like Male Gaze, constant touching, staring, etc. are all arguable with Dean and nobody else.

P.S. If you do so while acting like Castiel’s orientation changed when he became human, you are essentially admitting you believe ace!/demi!Cas is not believable when he’s human, which dehumanizes us.

Social Justice manifesto to snap at other ships: Check!

Okay, so now that that’s out of the way, the show indicated that Castiel enjoyed physical sex with April and he agreed to playing the Pizza Man with Meg. That’s canon material, right there, not fandom presumption, like Destiel or Sastiel. What is Castiel’s orientation? We objectively don’t know. Some asexuals can enjoy sex, some never want it. I think that since you’ve decided to ignore that part of asexuality to try and drive a wedge through particularly Megstiel shippers, the only one with problems understanding the spectrum of asexuality is you.

The thing is, Castiel was an angel, and it’s shown on the show that he can’t taste or feel physical sensations the way that humans can. He wasn’t aware of cold until he was human, so was he truly aware of sensuality before he became human? Logic dictates: probably not. What is his orientation? Is he ace, is he aro? Who knows? I prefer to wait until a character tells us their orientation outright before I make a judgement. Outside of that? If shippers want to stick Castiel with Sam, Dean, Meg, Abaddon or Crowley because they like the dynamics, that’s up to them, whether others ship it or not. Like you have the freedom not to ship or believe those things. I love believing in a bisexual, grey-romantic Dean, but he’s heterosexual in canon. That’s just how it is.

Kudos for trying to use the Social Justice bingo card to try and subtly point to Destiel and shame other shippers, though. Telling others not to like something because you’ve imagined some slight against your personal sexuality from a bunch of people who want to read and imagine some characters having sex is downright bizarre. That doesn’t make you a social justice warrior. That makes you both entitled and rude.

You tried, you failed, move on.

gambitgrl

bold is mine b/c i agree so fucking hard i almost high fived the screen

selfihateyouithink

Exhibits A-H: soullessbrothers (Hmmmmm I wonder what they ship and whether they care about rep???? Oh, of course not, they just care about dark stuff like that shit exists in a vacuum), nazard, dykeadellic (MY UTTER APOLOGIES), legendarybitca, talkmagically, lovingsmutandfluff, velocipastor, frankierostattooedhands, and of course, this ass I'm reblogging from, gambitgirl...of the very heterosexist allosexist rape apologist bullshit I was pointing out, with bonus "Social Justice means nothing about shipping cos I like the abuse/rape culture we live in and the social order is important to me so quiet down, Social Justice Warrior. I don't care so you shouldn't care."

Shocking, that they try to battle their own self-examination or self-improvement for the sake of empathy for people who aren't like them, to change jack shit in this deeply toxic fandom, by pointing out their assholery is socially sanctioned and then find lots of agreement cos duh.

I've already destroyed these arguments multiple times (though clearly you read none of it or at least retained nil), but you can keep coming at me, dick army, giving me an effective list of people who are definitely unsalvageable.

I have nothing to prove to you. I've already done it. I'm just making factual statements and you're chasing your kyriarchist tails to retaliate cos Heaven forbid your het isn't canon and you can't have just one more dark!ship created by our culture (as opposed to, oh, your indoctrinated rape apologist imaginations). Enjoy your echo chamber of erasure!

#Reply #Shitbags come at me all the time cos it's more important to them that everybody's 'nice'#than it is that people actually fucking have consideration for other people #Maintain the social order assimilate into abuse culture and STOP CALLING OUT THE THINGS I LIKE #Fuck you. No.#My SPN meta #Meta.me #Lol Megstiel #April x Cas cw #SPN rape tag #Castiel is a sex indifferent greyromantic demipansexual #I won't let the text rape Castiel into being allosexual sorry #Lol SPN fandom #Rape culture #Abuse culture #Humanity fail #Justified misanthropy #Cas x other cw #Demi erasure cw #Lmfao. Yeah. Okay. I'm definitely the one who doesn't get the spectrum.#You're not at all the person presuming consent after rejection. Or conflating enjoymnt with desire or attraction.#Sure.#Casual ableism cw #Sorry about the dehumanization of ace people you're reading here Followers #Apparently having a body means wanting sex cos this dark!shipping dick says so #QUIT IT FANDOM #Supernatural #Fandom is #Fandom

selfihateyouithink

Anonymous asked:

your a very angry person and really one of the loneliest. All those isms you box yourself in who are you without them? My sexual preference doesn't define me isn't really even in the top five things that are interesting about me. Perhaps I'll never share my bed with anyone but I don't need a tv ship to fulfill me emotionally or connect to myself through tv characters. I'm sorry if I made it worse but no one makes you as unhappy as you make yourself do they?

Gain a fucking conscience, assbag.

selfihateyouithink

Anonymous asked:

I'm a demisexual and no I'm not like you. I get you ship it but don't use something that's really confusing to push your ship. It makes it even more complicated! No way do I believe a Dean that once said no one cares if your broken is a demi. And if he was he'd be bi not queer. Just don't ok. I'm not sad about who I am and a ship doesn't explain it - it's just is. I like that I'm unique that when I love it's at level people wish they knew. It's not such a bad thing to stand among so few.

It's a shitty and unpleasant day when you find a hipster queer. Warning: beyond the cut is not "nice".

selfihateyouithink

Anonymous asked:

Maybe I am misunderstanding, but are you saying that anyone who doesn't agree with your exact interpretation of these characters is an asshole?

I’m saying every individual who is part of/aligns with these people, who erase queerness in general, and demisexuality as part of the queer representation in question, to maintain these characters are unequivocally straight (I don’t care what you do with Irene for the most part because she’s already queer and lesbians could do with fewer ‘but she likes this guy cos he’s special’ assertions and queer people in general could do with a lot less bisexual erasure, but much rather demi than ‘exception’) is an asshole, yes. Yes, they are. Every single one.

I’m saying every single person who normalizes socially sanctioned heterosexist heteronormative bullshit by acting like one instance of non-heterosexual attraction is never enough to make you queer, erasing demihomosexuality, is. an. asshole.

And no, I don’t care how that makes those people feel, I really fucking don’t. I don’t care. I’m very tired of parts of fandom erasing my sexuality so they can push straightness into/onto fucking everything and perpetuate heteronormativity and allonormativity.

You can come at me, if you want, telling me ‘x’ person is the exception or what-the-fuck-ever, and I will ignore and/or hit back at you. I’m at the point of “fuck allosexist heterosexist assholes who want to erase me, all of them”.

Every person who hits back at “Dean is bi(romantic bisexual, cos that’s mostly what we tend to mean)” with “Dean is straight but [x dude]sexual” as opposed to “Dean is demihomo hetero” and the like in other fandoms, etc. is an asshole, and I don’t care who knows it until they care enough to stop being asses and erasing my orientation everywhere to protect straightness.

selfihateyouithink reblogged

sawsdoe

*straight fandom blogger voice* hey ive got a good idea how about instead of making that character bisexual we make them “straight with an exception” thats so romantic

dubiousculturalartifact

Also.. Quick Hint: When a person is not attracted to somebody unless they have formed an emotional bond with them? THERE IS A WORD FOR THAT.

"Insert-person’s-name-here-sexual?"

NO.

"Demisexual".

Use your words, fandoms.

selfihateyouithink

What Dubious said and furthermore.

selfihateyouithink reblogged

feelingsandfeminism

adventures-in-asexuality

Demisexuals are real.

Demisexual experiences are valid.

Demisexuals are not special snowflakes.

Demisexuality is not slut-shaming: the orientation.

Demisexuals are part of the asexual community.

Demisexuals don’t deserve hate, derision, or contempt for their identity.

#Same #Demisexuality #I am a sex indifferent greyromantic demipansexual with a low drive #Castiel is a sex indifferent greyromantic demipansexual #Allosexism cw #Allonormativity cw #Ace erasure cw #Demi erasure cw #Hi yes this is me #Ace spectrum #Human sexuality #GSRD #Life philosophy #Random

selfihateyouithink

Anonymous asked:

About that "queer ship shaming + ship consent issues" post. You finally made me realize why I have an underlying dislike of megstiel(no ship-shaming coming from me, this is only a personal opinion) even though I believe Jimmy has been gone since s5 and I'm a multishipper. I get easily triggered by noncon shown in a positive light, and when I see megstiel stuff on my dash, the reaction is kind of similar, and only now I realized it's because of Meg's vessel. So thank you for reminding me of it :)

I do admit I rarely before considered the metaphysical possibilities of sex with them, but I have met few people who actually ship it that way, and not as hot vessel x hot vessel (cos they kissed once and the viewer felt a thing in their pants, so it’s hot), because human perception doesn’t typically automatically jump to “puff of smoke x multidimensional intent” when it comes to sexual congress. Unfortunately the one person I know of who does pay attention to the former does little except philosophize to justify Megstiel in general, so, I hadn’t actually read his bit until last night.

(I’m ship-shaming and I don’t give a fuck. Destiel shippers get brutally ship-shamed no matter how consensual and positive we make sure our ship is, no matter how we go through and talk about the issues and how to repair them, cos it’s queer, not canon, and non-Wincest, so yeah, I’m ship-shaming the fuck out of things with inherent consent issues that are perceived canon by heterosexist society for the literal flimsiest reasons ever while the former gets swept back into subtext. The time for me giving a shit about people’s feelings when it comes to justifying rape because the dickbag writers say so [and uh, they kind of don’t? They make it clear Cas felt nothing from that kiss, they make it clear his relationship to her is Stockholm Syndrome-induced fondness, but cos they touched once and he didn’t smite her on the spot, he’s attracted, obviously, cough what’s rape what’s ace erasure what’s a platonic crush cough /rolls eyes] has passed, and if y’all are content to erase my sexuality so you can ship it, I’m content to dump a shitload of shaming on your ship. Turnabout is fair play, fuckers.)

You can be a multishipper and not ship rape ships. You can be a multishipper and ship rape ships responsibly, paying attention to the effect they have on other people instead of just blanket forgiving them for everything and considering them canon at the slightest provocation. You can be a multishipper and ship whatever the fuck you want, as long as it fulfills the requirements of “I ship more than one pairing for this person”. Multishipping doesn’t include a checklist of what you have to ship.

I get triggered by that too, not to mention by ace erasure—particularly demisexual erasure—and the way people approach Megstiel triggers the actual shit out of me. When I wrote earlier that I can’t stop crying, I wasn’t kidding.

As for this ask? Yes, this is why I do this. Because it’s not important to me that I’m right, it’s important to me that people pay attention and at least entertain a more inclusive, less harmful interpretation. And it’s important to me that people who are triggered by rape no longer have to feel shitty about what they don’t ship as a result of that. You’re welcome, and I’m sorry I talked so long before you got to this part. Thank you!

selfihateyouithink reblogged

actuallycastiel-deactivated2014

Source: casteals

selfihateyouithink reblogged

actuallycastiel-deactivated2014

ravenno

Some more “Trueform Castiel.” May have overdone it with the textured brushes, but regardless I like this thumb a bit more than the others on which I was working.

flutiebear

“Lost. Again.” Dean let out a frustrated sigh and holstered his gun. “Too bad one of us isn’t the size of the Chrysler Building. Maybe then he could see where we were going.”

Cas didn’t answer. Instead, he sagged to the ground, impossibly quick, his massive torso curling behind him like a snake’s. His mask face slowly drooped onto one forearm.

Dean made a rude noise and threw up his hands.

“C’mon, man. We already took a break, like, two hours ago.” But Cas did not get up. No, the angel did the exact opposite, of course, shifting his weight and pawing at the dirt until he carved out some measure of comfort. For all his size and power, thought Dean, the angel really was nothing more than an overgrown puppy—especially when he glared up at Dean with those big moon-eyes. “Cas. We gotta keep moving.”

“Blow me,” replied the angel, without so much as lifting his head.

“Well, when you say it like that.” Dean slowly dragged one hand over his face, as if he could physically tug the irritation out through his cheeks. Then he fell unceremoniously to the ground next to the angel. “So. You ever gonna tell me what’s eating you?”

Cas averted his gaze to somewhere far off in the underbrush. “I am finding it difficult,” he said eventually, “to remember.”

“Ah. Heaven stuff.” Dean grimaced. “Clouds ‘n shit, right?”

“Rain,” Cas said quietly.

“Rain?” Dean snuck a quick glance at his friend. Lines, like little furtive cracks, had recently begun to form on the mask face, under Cas’s eyes and around his chin, and Dean noticed a new one now, a hairline fracture right between the brows. He had the sudden urge to hurl himself at the mask and hold it together, with his arms and legs, if he had to. “Seriously?”

“Yes.” One long finger idly toyed with Jimmy’s tie in the dirt. “Being wet, generally. But I especially liked the rain. All those little drops, in random patterns. Well, not random, you know.” He looked over at Dean and frowned. “Well, I guess you don’t.”

Dean rolled his eyes, but said nothing.

“In this form,” sighed Cas, his finger falling still, “it is easier for me to grasp the greater pattern of the forest, yet harder to still see the weeds.”

“The trees, you mean,” said Dean. Cas stared at him blankly. “Hard to see the forest for the trees. That’s how the saying goes.”

“I know what I said,” Cas mumbled irritably.

Dean thought for a moment, forcing himself to remember the feel of cool droplets as they slid down his skin; the smell of ozone hanging heavy and electric in the air; the soft, soothing patter of rain against the Impala’s roof. No matter how loud it ever got, it could never completely cover up Sam’s heavy snore.

Sighing, Dean kicked out his feet and leaned back against the angel’s forearm.

“For me, it’s whiskey,” he said softly. He lifted his hand and held it there, unwavering, a few inches above his knee. The shakes had long ago stopped, along with the nightmares, but Dean knew right now it was the principle of the thing that mattered, and not the reality. He chuckled to himself sadly. “Man, I used to drink like a fish. Now I can barely remember the taste.”

Cas’s gaze lingered on Dean’s hand before moving back to the underbrush. “I’ve forgotten how a bee’s legs tickle when she tells a dirty joke,” he said. “Only that they do.”

“You got me there.” Dean smirked and folded his hands behind his head. “Remember the smell of the Impala?”

Cas nodded. “Or how it felt to go over a pothole. Like flying, but not.”

“Cheeseburgers. All that grease and ketchup.” Dean smiled wistfully. “Hell, road food in general, am I right?”

“Sex,” Cas offered.

Dean’s half-smile evaporated. He sat up, shaking his head as if dispel a bad dream. Then he noticed Jimmy’s tie, dirty and still flattened under one long, claw-like finger. He reached for it. “Can I?”

Cas hesitated before nodding.

“Here.” Dean picked up the tie and carefully wrapped it around the angel’s wrist, double-knotting it. He patted Cas’s arm once, briefly. “So you don’t forget.”

Cas stared at him as if he were stupid. “I hardly think—“

“Just,” Dean inhaled sharply, catching himself and restarting in a softer tone. “Just do it. It’ll help. I promise.”

He didn’t add that this was something his mom used to do, that it was one of the only things he could still remember about her, even though he could no longer remember her actually ever doing it for him—just a memory of a memory, really, an impression long since faded.

But the way Cas looked at him then, Dean suspected the angel already knew.

Dean cleared his throat.

“Do bees really tell dirty jokes?” he asked eventually.

Cas smiled down at the tie on his wrist.

“Oh yes,” he replied with a chuckle. “Filthy little hedonists. It’s all sex and road trips with them.”

“Sounds like my kind of species,” laughed Dean.

“Why do you think I like them so much?” Cas agreed.

Holy shmow zow, golly that’s wonderful <3