THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
- finding someone aesthetically pleasing
- being sexually attracted to someone
- being romantically attracted to someone
WHY IS THAT SO HARD FOR SOME PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND
It boils down to this;
Finding someone sexually attractive: I want to have sex with you.
Finding someone romantically attractive: I want to date you.
Finding someone aesthetically pleasing: I want to draw you.
If it’s all three, you’re fucked.
And then there's a "crush" which is The you/the relationship in my head is better and/or less dangerous than you in real life, so even if I project that on you a little bit and attach to you for that reason, don't take it to heart, cos it's never going anywhere.
(Kind of a mix of aesthetic attraction--a lot of wow you're pretty [think the initial response of Angela Chase to Jordan Catalano]--and an idyllic mental romantic/sexual narrative with no consequences that you never intend to capitalize upon. I know a lot of ace spectrum people who feel this, myself included, because without the sexual demands of the other person ever becoming a factor, it is much easier to indulge in the idea of sexing someone when that desire/possibility is by default hypothetical and thus without threat. [Examples of objects of said crushes usually include fictional people, famous people, or people whose relationship to you or general personality mandates a platonic-only connection, such as teachers, medical practitioners, people you barely like but don't hate, etc.])