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#anael x ruby cw – @selfihateyouithink on Tumblr
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round and round the winchesters go

@selfihateyouithink / selfihateyouithink.tumblr.com

I am an Angel of the Lord who probably would do well in finance, and I don't like to do what people expect. Thirty-four. White USian. Autistic, anxious depressive (with PTSD). Nonbinary/genderqueer (demigirl). She/they pronouns. Sex-indifferent pan gay greyromantic demisexual. INFP/ISFP. Survivor. Socialist. Feminist. Relativist. Agnostic atheist. Struggling college student (yes, still). Honest misanthrope (because humans are works of art but humanity is tainted by its hatreds, conceits, and deceits), almost never neutral (because the status quo isn't), and unapologetic slasher 'til death do I stop. I am things, I question things, I like things, I hate things, I watch things, I read things, I write things, I say things, I do things. Things happen on this blog.
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omg, your sarcastic comments in tags are so good. please continue calling people the fuck out on their bullshit :)

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Why thank you, Iris dear.

I will do so. I mean, it’s really ridiculous that I even have to, tbh, but homophobia will out, and people will continue to argue that homophobia isn’t that bad or, hell, doesn’t exist cos it’s not worse.

People like CKOH will say things like “they complained cos they weren’t queer women instead of queer men” and not get the fact that THERE COULD HAVE BEEN BOTH.

People like that person will say things like “but Lily wasn’t sexualized!” without understanding that hypersexualization is NOT the only problem queer women face; our stories ending tragically every single time is another huge one.

People like that person will ignore the fact that:

  • Lily, Corbett, and Susan all existed to be tragic and queer and die. 
  • Demian/Barnes and Kristen/Siobhan existed purely to make a point about the fans and secondhand via costuming/cosplay, the straight protagonists, NOT to normalize or legitimize queerness (and the latter, the queer women fans CKOH talks about fans requesting, were given few lines and no opportunity, unlike presumedly straight multishipper!Marie, to actually talk about how they feel about the story or Destiel. They pretty much only existed to make a Destiel [queerbait?] point to Dean. So, uh. Yeah.).
  • The Chief, the “twinks”, Aaron Bass, and Dwight/Rod, were all played for “straight” boy reactions and/or for laughs.
  • My sweet baby girl, Charlie, never had one single love relationship with a recurring female character (or more than one one-ep)–which is part of why she’s a token, and is dead by a Nazi’s hand.
  • Dean and Cas and Destiel are legendary queerbaiting that will go down in media history–the same way Xena/Gabi and Kirk/Spock did, in a modern time that should be way more progressive–particularly if they’re kept in queerbaiting.
  • Many people think Meg, a straight rapist, was more “human” because she had straight-read obsessive, hyper-sexual romantic love for Castiel, when Ruby and Anna, who actually formed a connection not based upon weaponized sexuality and abusive manipulation, ended up alone, straight-read, “evil” and dead, and when Crowley, a subtextually queer rapist, was given the same treatment without near the textuality or the borderline glorification or the selective ambiguity of the protagonist rejecting them.
  • Crowley, Demon Dean, Godstiel, Lilith, Astaroth, Ruby, the siren, Jeffrey/his demon…among others, are all queercoded, aka “evil” characters being given queer subtext or more enhanced subtext, when they’re “evil” or originating in “evil”.
  • Sam and Kevin have literally made a joke out of the possibility of Kevin being queer using a campaign started because of queer #suicide rates.

…And all of these are facets of homophobic erasure and devaluation.

There is no good representation in Supernatural, thus far, now that Charlie has epitomized Kill Your Gays. None. Not unless they actually textualize Dean/Cas in a “they get a happy, hopeful ending” way. Which, tbh, I’m still not actually entirely convinced they won’t, but yeah. That’s the only way I see it happening.

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mp3sea

long damn roads

a tiny redemption arc for the most loyal for selfihauntyouithink​ (as a companion piece to this lil bub because you will pry kurdish!ruby out of my dead skinless claws)

She chokes out sulfur like it’s going out of fashion and it feels. Fuck, she can feel the burn again. She hasn’t felt anything but cold since she died. Even shoving fries down her throat to feel a licking burn of sodium hadn’t done more than hurt. Then again, pain had become all she could feel for so long, she’d stopped caring.

So this sensation, this… feeling. Feeling. That romantic notion, that memory she’d clung onto for so long… it was no longer a memory. Nostalgia bends to the rush of reality and it’s so much better than she ever imagined. She can breathe, real oxygen, into her lungs (these are her’s right? not like she can give ‘em back. Finders keepers). She touches, feels the give of her leather jacket, gently skates her fingers over the smokey smell of her cauterised stab wound (fuckin’ Winchester, typical), picks bits of rubble from her face and let’s herself fall back onto her back.

The roof’s been blown the fuck out, which is nice because it’s a beautiful dusk. It’s been a while since she found anything beautiful. It used to be clouded and monochrome and jagged. Now the clouds are cotton candy and the peachy skyline doesn’t make her think of hell. Like her mind is full of fluff. It’s kinda gross. She likes it.

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