round and round the winchesters go

“I couldn’t take it anymore. The blood and the death, the sounds of their screams. I just… I can’t do it anymore.” [requested by queercommanders​]

Claire isn’t sure about living with Jody. On the one hand, Jody’s pretty cool, and she doesn’t try to sugarcoat anything like a lot of adults would. On the other, Jody’s trying to make her go to school for the rest of her eighteenth year, which is pretty much the last thing Claire wants to do.

And then there’s Alex to contend with; Alex, who’s surly and looks at Claire with suspicious eyes, and acts as though Claire couldn’t possibly know what it means to have a rough life. Sparks fly between them and not in a good way–until one day Claire runs into Alex smoking up under the bleachers and winds up telling her everything.

Turns out she and Alex have more in common then they thought, and they bond over their shared loss and fucked-up supernatural surrogate families, becoming friends somewhere along the way. They get into all sorts of trouble together and Jody complains that they’re giving her grey hairs, but when Alex wakes up from a nightmare, it’s Claire that comforts her, lying side by side, fully clothed, in the same bed until Alex drifts back to sleep.

They fall so easily into something more than friendship, and by the time she’s ready to strike out on her own again, Claire decides not to. She finally has something–someone–to stick around for again, and she’s not going to give that up without a fight.

alex/claire parallels

2014!Dean + Cain!Dean parallels~

The pleasure of killing - 4x11 | 9x19

I wonder if either brother have ever considered that perhaps Dean is misreading his own perceptions…that he is looking what he did and seeing pleasure in the act of killing as proof he is corrupt, when in fact the pleasure is not in the death itself, but in the claiming of power he so rarely had both on earth and in hell, and in the chance to release his internalized grief and rage.

Or that the ‘pleasure’ was simply relief at not being tortured anymore. And that every instance of ‘pleasure’ in killing/torture following his return to Earth was simply carryover, the learned behavior of an abuse victim. And got horribly melded with the normal reaction of being happy/relived that you won, that you beat the monster, that you survived.

 yes exactly, this distinction requires examination of traumatic events, which dean prefers to avoid, though proper processing is a required part of healthy recovery from terrible trauma, lets face it dean is basically trying to live, with a massive case of untreated ptsd. (via 4persephone)

I can not even begin to emphasize the import of this…the ties between Dean’s violent side and his repressed emotions and past traumatic experiences, though I think most therapists would draw that connection in a heartbeat. Anger and depression and grief don’t just cease to go someplace..they will make their way out one way or another. The problem is Dean has enough trouble recognizing and admitting to his feelings as it is without him also being able to tie those emotions to their affects unassisted. He just knows violence and torture seem to feel good..and that good people don’t approve of or enjoy those activities, so if he does he must be poisonous, broken, a bad person. No one has ever told him if he einates cause he’ll eliminate effect to a large degree.

Yes to all of the above, and as I mentioned in a recent meta, this control and lack thereof is why I believe the effects of the blade are so powerful for certain people. It makes him feel in control for once, and it fills a void where he has denied himself so much. He has denied himself love, he has denied himself recovery. He hasn’t been allowed to deal with his grief, and like Jody he has buried it under everything he could imagine and it’s still there.

So I imagine feeling so out of control, so incapable of dealing with past traumas and completely denying yourself the things you need inside would make feeling that powerful, and that in control, pretty damn good.

I was really excited to see Katherine in tonight’s episode (I may have even squealed when she came in kicking and screaming into her first scene)! She was amazing, totally hit it out of the park. I really hope Supernatural finds an excuse to bring her back. (feel free to delete this) 

{x} {x}

———

Did the planet just backflip off its axis? Are pigs doing cartwheels across the sky? Did Michael Jackson moonwalk out of his grave and buy a ticket to Shrek 5? Because something impossible just happened: Supernatural based a whole episode around female characters. Three-dimensional ones, even! None of them love interests. And with a recurring character to boot. What show was this? I know, I know, by now all complaints about Supernatural’s casual misogyny — whether by omitting multi-dimensional females or simply fridging them — are admittedly tired by now. But “Alex Annie Alexis Ann” proved that perhaps the complainers were right all along. This was a heavy, thoughtful, and tremendously well-written episode of television, and it couldn’t have been possible without strong female characters. Who knew! Oh, right. We all did.

[read more]

#”If you want.”#Gahhhhh such a profound focus on consent and allowing someone else their own personhood.#Even though Jodi really wants to be the one to help pick Alex back up again#she’s still willing to let Alex decide if she wants that too#and is ready to respect whatever choice Alex makes. (via dustline)