And..... and..... and you know what *else*? About the Mickey Dean thing? (🎵 ba-da-ba-ba-bah, I’m fixin’ it🎵)

Lookit, I’ve talked about band-aids for the finale HERE and HERE and HERE, but now lemme have a crack at just flipping it. Let’s just flip it entirely, see if it pumps up the volume, as it were, and I’ll even keep the Mickey Dean  possessing somebody* [ed: because wine, carry on] thing in there even though it was predictable. Because I’m a-feared this is shaping up to be Demon Dean, Part Two: The Wank Beneath My Wings (alt title - Redneck Neo: Twilight, Part Snooze), ‘cause it’s Dean’s body with some suspect issues brewin’, again. And he’s done run off. Again. Leaving Sam and Cas to (undoubtedly) go looking for him. Again.

So, picture it: Sicily, 1922. A young Sophia Petrillo walks in---- No, that’s... sorry, wrong story. But 1922, hey, sure. Picture it: Jersey, USA, looking suspiciously like Vancouver, 1922: Mickey Dean’s all up in some Prohibition nonsense, he’s rum running out of this swank bar called “Sammy’s”, he’s dressed to the nines, and Tom Hardy and Steve Buscemi walk in, and-----

Ha. Nah.

Here it is: We’ve done the whole Dean is an actual demon thing, so wouldn’t it have been a nice role-reversal to have Sam be the one to have the whole “you’re the engine, but I’m the driver” scenario? So let’s have Dean be the one that ends up with Jack-in-the-Blecchh and Lu-Lu at yon chapel, it follows since he’s the one who had the moment with the kid post-naptime. 

Back at bunktown, Sam’s all “Check it, Mickey: I know I’m not the ideal vessel, that Dean is, but I’m a hot second ‘cause DNA and shit. It’ll take. Trust. It’s also possible that I wanna stick it to Luci even more than you do. At minimum, we can agree he’s a garbage roommate.

Bonus? What I *am *is *his* ideal vessel - he only got to hitch a ride in me this one time because of coercion. Can you imagine how much it’s gonna throw him off his game to have me - not you, but me, with your mojo - bopping up in there, droppin’ serious wangs, and him knowing it’s because I chose to do it? I am MOTIVATED TO HAND HIM HIS ASS, you have NO IDEA.

Plus, here’s my resume, I’ve played host to an angel who needed some time to get his groove back before, though you may wanna know that I drove the motherfucker out when he didn’t pay his rent. I was also able to push through Luci’s control, and I tell you this because the whole puppy dog thing’s just my shtick, I’m a beast, I put demon blood in my smoothies and can mainline grace like rehab veteran. We’ll pick up on this whole apocalypto hard-on you’ve got later. Right now, let’s roll.”

Yes, that’s the exact dialogue. [whispers: I’m kidding]

We then get to see the Sam version of Demon Dean, is what I’m getting at. Let him do the leaving, after having Michael, as he starts to get his sea legs (wangs, gracejuice, whatevs) back, start being this insidious parasite, creeping into Sam over a handful of eps, being brutally honest a la Soulless Sam, particularly ripping Mary a new one over WHY THE FUCK WHEN YOU KNEW WHAT WAS COMING AND HAD A HUNTER’S KNOWLEDGE NOT WARD THE SHIT OUT OF THE HOUSE AND TATTOO DEMON REPELLENT THINGIES ON MINE AND DEAN’S ASSES AND AT LEAST *TRY* TO WASTE OL’ PISS EYES

[Yes, it is the hill I continue to die on, it is my Golgotha, I have *reams* of notes for my big dog story to deal with it, I’m right and you know it, come at me brah]

Is it re-hashing to a degree? Totes. But parallels blah blah biscuits and all that literary jazz. But it would’ve been sooooo satisfying, even though Luci ain’t dead - oh yeah, I had a thought on that, too - to have seen them battle royale it, and JP does a fine job in his role, but that sumbitch *shines* when he plays nasty assholes, I find his acting skills rise exponentially when they don’t have him being all sad sack puss-puss aw shucks. Let the man stretch his wings. LITERALLY.

They gotta scrub the writing outhouse and get the stink off the show but, as always, Dabb?

This post was sponsored by wine in a solo cup #not a sponsor     

#I fix scripts #Nash Plots don’t jam #Mickey Dean #there’s so many Happy Meal jokes #and so little time #I’ve already written y’all a season #I’m writing you another one #I’ll pimp it soon #gettin’ my marketing together #you’ll dig it