Cups & Dreams...

me, a different fanfic writer: *pets my fave character’s hair* *whispers* I’m gonna emotionally, maybe also physically, torture you

@fredsythe is like

A huge and ancient dragon loses her clutch of eggs.  She decides to adopt an office building full of employees as her children.  But to keep them safe, she doesn’t want to let any of them leave.

“Mighty Opiess, Destroyer of Kingdoms, pl-”

“Mom.”

“Uhh…..right. Mom. Um, so I have to get back home. I’ve got three kids who need dinner and I really think I should..go….back………why are you crying?”

“Grandbabies!!”

Suddenly, every school holiday is Bring Your Spawn To Work Day.

She’s working on getting a school in the building.

Right, this is everyone’s fault.

Grandmother

The Vermillion Life & Casualty building housed other businesses than the insurance company that built it, but they still held the majority of the floors. The economic divisions did not matter to the ancient one; she had adopted all in the building. A tense week of negotiations after her arrival meant everyone could go home after their shifts, but they still needed to check in with her on a regular basis. IT had set up a speakerphone in her aerie for emergencies, and it chirped for her attention in the early afternoon.

“Yes, dear?” she rumbled.

“I’m sorry Ma, I have to leave early,” Karen’s usually clear voice was thin with stress.

“What is it?” Opiess asked in alarm, “Are you sick?”

“No, ma’am. I just got a call from the school about Rachel getting into a fight.”

“Come up. I will take you there.”

“Maaaa… “

“No. If one of our clan is threatened, we will answer the threat. If one of our clan has become a threat, we will correct them.” The dragon’s firm tone brooked no argument. “Come up.”

Karen had to admit that arriving in the school parking lot on a dragon did give her a slight edge to her presence when she came into the office. “What is the problem?”

The vice principal in charge of discipline shook her head, “Rachel punched another student, and will have to be suspended for three days.”

“He wouldn’t leave me alone!” the girl said, glaring at the middle-aged administrator. “He keeps poking me and pulling my hair-ties out!”

Karen turned to the school official, barely containing her anger, “This other kid get suspended for bullying her?”

“That is none of your concern,” she started, and was interrupted by a deep growl outside the office window.

“Injury to my clan is my concern,” Opiess rumbled. “I am told I am not allowed to eat those who abuse my children and their children. I am told we can, however, sue for damages.”

“Damages? He was only flirting,” the vice principal sputtered.

“THAT IS NOT FLIRTING!” Karen’s temper broke. “That is ABUSE, and you are teaching that kid that tormenting someone is okay!” She held her hand out for Rachel, “You will be hearing from our lawyer.”

When she and the child were outside, Rachel ran to hug the dragon.

“Thanks, grandma!”

This is everyone’s fault and the previous poster’s fault. I couldn’t resist.

-Mum Knows Best-

Perhaps, in the aftermath of the loving takeover of Vermillion Life and Casualty by a centuries old dragoness, things could have been worse. As far as Luke was concerned, all his major limbs were still intact and the monsterous entity that was currently sunning itself-er, herself-on nearby sun racks hadn’t reportedly eaten anyone yet.

At least that’s what he assumed. Turn over rates aside, Carpal Tunnel could be just as dangerous as a giant mouth full of carnivorous teeth for a paperweight warrior like him. But it honestly seemed like the dragon meant no harm.

Maybe she had been a little…suffocating at first, her giant, leathery wings spread wide behind her as she stood on her hind legs, easily staring into the 3rd story windows. She had proclaimed to all that been present inside as her newly adopted offspring, her great, booming voice softened by the telepathy she used to contact them all at once. Yeah, telepathy. It sounds cool but it’s still scary as fuck when you’re trying to get business done on the porcelain throne and a mysterious voice abruptly enters your head.

A week of terse talks and compromises had ultimately allowed everyone to leave, with the promise that everyone would return to “Mum” to check in every so often. Maybe some more than others.

Like right then, for example. Lucy the intern did not need to go find Mum every morning to say hi, update her on the schedules for the company that day-because all had learned very early on Mum will make her opinions known about insurance rates and no, there’s no employee in the whole space-time continuem who wouldn’t use that excuse to derail an otherwise boring meeting. She did not need to offer Mum coffee (did dragons even drink it?) or throw a couple of muffins into her gullet when there was extra to go around. Goodness, she didn’t have to do anything!

Yet there she was, walking over to Mum with purpose, the ancient reptile cracking open an eyelid to watch the girl’s fast approach. Luke was only nearby because damn him for being a good citizen that actually respects the Do Not Smoke sign but needs his fix: smoking by Mum at the sun racks was the best option then, as she never complained. Maybe because she breathes fire, who knows. But Lucy strode over to them, only losing the rigidity in her stance when she was a foot away.

Mum was up in an instant.

“Lucy, what is wrong?” Asked the old dragoness. Lucy only shook her head, her soft brown curls sticking to her tear-streaked face.

“I need a hug,” she whispered, so quickly that Luke barely understood her. But Mum did, she always understood.

Without a word she lifted her scaly head, gently nosing her beak against her “daughter’s” torso, the air she exhaled from her nostrils loosening more stray curls from Lucy’s scrunchie. The intern wasted no time in wrapping her thin arms around the proffered snout, burying her face against Mum to muffled the broken hiccups and sobs.

It was all a rather strange display for Luke who had already dropped his burnt out cigarette on the asphalt when he had seen the tears rolling down Lucy’s face. But there was no time to wonder why as the old, authorative voice entered his mind.

“Luke, be a dear and run down to the markets, get something sweet like chocolates for your sister. She is sad and suffering and we must ease her pain.” Luke gawked.

“Wha- wait, what?” He shook his head. “That’s too much, Ma, can’t I get her a candy bar from the vending machine?”

The golden, serpentine eye that narrowed at him instantly caused rocks to form in his bowels. “Nothing is too much for my children!” She replied. “You deserve the best. Now don’t be cruel, son, do as I ask.”

He still had objections. “My shift is nearly over, Ma. I have to go back in soon.”

She only snorted back, “I will talk to Richard, he will understand.” That was true, if only because the assistant supervisor was too focused on getting work done that he’d rather not waste time arguing with a sentient old dragon.

But Luke still pushed back. “I don’t have much money though Ma, it’s still two days before payday-“ The loud thud of something heavy and big answered him. He looked down at his feet where the object had come to rest.

Opiess, Destroyer Of Kingdoms and Office Bordem, had given him a gold ingot.

“…Christ, Ma.”

“That ought to cover expenses,” she sniffed, focusing her attention back on Lucy. “Take that and go on, use the change to get whatever else you think is necessary. Come on Luke, don’t drag your feet.”

The paperweight warrior sighed.

Opiess was appalled one day when one of her sons came to her, reeking of distress. Formerly a daughter, he had been thrilled when she celebrated his transition (evolution, she called it!) by insisting that whomever did not acknowledge it would answer to his Mama.

“What is it?” She inquired into Davis’ head as he approached her, shaking and shattered.

“Mama, could I… could I just hang out with you for a bit? Life is kind of sucking right now and I just need a friend.”

“Of course, my son.” She responded, knowing how happy it usually made him when she acknowledged his gender. Today though, his face seemed to crumble further and he brought his face against her foreleg, weeping.

“Thank you, Mama!” He mumbled, and she crooned the songs of the Ancients, of stars blazing in the night sky and the mysterious dwarves who mined for treasure in the most hidden depths of the earth. And she waited, knowing when he was ready that he would talk.

Finally, his tears expended, he released a shuddery breath and said, “My new boss told me that he would only let me keep my job if I agreed to meet him after work. That he… doesn’t accept me as a man and wants to teach me how to be a woman. If I lose this job, I lose my home. I can’t afford my apartment and there isn’t room for my dog and cat in the car…”

A hiss finally caught his attention, and Davis looked up to discover a fiery gaze focused on him.

“Bring me the newest member of the clutch. You boss, as you call him.”

“Mama, no. It’s bad to eat him- the police might have a problem with it. He might give you indigestion. Bad things could happen.” Davis pleaded, and Opiess listened intently.

“I will not eat him, if only because I can tell it would distress you.” He was reassured, before her voice rose. “Bring me Eric of the floor referred to as accounting.”

Soon, a very snide human stood before her, arms defiantly crossed as he scowled. “Had to tell the attack dragon did you, Miss Davis?” He sneered, barely offering any attention to the large angry face before him. “I swear, some monsters need to just disappear. I don’t know what /she/ told you—“

“/HE/ told me nothing that was not verified in that nasty little pea brain of yours, Eric, and if not for Davis’ consideration you would be well on your way to my second stomach right now. You are unwelcome in my nest.” She blew a carefully aimed stream of smoke to scorch the zipper of his pants, and he yelped in protest as the heated metal of the zipper burned him where he felt most sensitive.

“YOU CAN’T FIRE ME! YOU’LL HEAR FROM MY ATTORNEY! I’LL OWN THIS COMPANY AND EVERYONE IN IT! You- YOU MONSTER!”

A whisper soft hiss sounded in his brain. “You threaten to take my children away? I devour threats to my children!” Her mouth opened and swung towards him, and Davis jumped in the way.

“It’s just temper talking. He’s not a threat to be eaten,” Davis pleaded, and she paused.

“You defend him when he threatened you?” Opiess asked in bewilderment, and Davis nodded.

“He has a wife at home and a child on the way. He’s not a good man, but it would be hard for her if he didn’t come home,” Davis tried, and interest lit the angry face.

“You are out of the clutch, Eric. Davis is a better man than you, and that is why you shall live to see your hatchling. Your mate- wife, as Davis calls her, is welcome here. You may not approach my children again.”

With that, Eric turned and fled.

Davis wanted to point out that they didn’t know what qualifications Eric’s wife had, but Opiess murmured, “She shall keep me company. I can protect her from him, for I saw in his head that he hurts her. After the hatchling is born, I shall eat him so she is not stressed. Stress is hard for a brooding mother.”

Hearing that he hurt his wife, Davis grew silent, some monsters needed to just disappear.

Back at it again with the B99 quotes.

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