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#incredible – @scrubdowner on Tumblr
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ace hardware futch

@scrubdowner

disaster lesbian that likes reptiles and bugs - nonbinary trans girl - ask to tag - 28 - she/it - girl (keter) - 🔞
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I had a dream that I started seeing posts on tumblr about the "the pool water update." It was some new change to the site, being rolled out gradually, that people mostly didn't like.

When I got the pool water update, it turned out that when you opened up tumblr it would fill the room you were in with chlorinated water, up to the level of half an inch below your power outlets.

So to use tumblr you had to hold still, because too much movement would cause ripples that would rise to the outlets and electrify the water and kill you.

I had mixed feelings about the update. I got some pool noodles and it was nice to float around my bedroom whenever I checked tumblr. There was a trend called 'tranquilityposting' that I enjoyed. So not all bad.

There were a lot of blaze posts on dream-tumblr selling amulets that nullify electricity damage. Also, @max1461 claimed to have developed a 'posting technique that causes uncontrollable thrashing in 60% of tumblr users,' and was demanding a cash ransom to not use it

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reblogged

i made a grindr and in under 24 hours i got the most insane unsolicited nude to ever exist. hes fully nude on the beach and in his right hand is a black tipped reef shark i could not make this shit up if i tried

artistic rendition

i fucking wish i had a way to prove this but a) passing around nudes is wrong even when its a 40 year old nudist shark freak and b) he unsent the messages bc my silence made him nervous ig. wish he was instead nervous about sharks around his panenis but im not his dad

btw another pic in the set he sent me was essentially the same photo but the shark was a fishing spear and his penis was erect this time. do you think he meant it as a metaphor thats kind of poignant symbolism

he looked almost regal in a florida man way

actually fuck do you guys think i ghosted Poseidon on grindr be honest its hurricane season and im on the gulf i mean did you SEE what that guy did to odysseus

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smoqueen

one of the aqua teen dvds had a "Play all" button which, if youre too young to remember dvds, would typically play every episode in order, but here it played them all at the same time. having that dvd changed me as a child

The best part of it is the Easter egg revealed by the "play all" option, every episode in the season has one of their signature explosion animations play at the exact same timestamp so for a second the entire screen is obscured by fireballs

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vicholas

I don't really go in the lost media and lostwave communities but I'm reading about how they found today a song they've been searching for years (Everyone Knows That aka. EKT) and turns out it originated from an 80s porno. The whole deal is so funny help.

The background sounds truly add to the charm

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in 2015 I needed a job really bad for reasons not worth getting into. i was living in ohio for like 6 months & i just applied at every place within a 30 minute drive from me and i got a call from the local Game Stop mere minutes after submitting the online app, which was obviously a red flag but I wasn’t in the position to be picky.

so they tell me when to show up for orientation & I get there the day-of but the store is closed & locked. i text the manager & he says back “oh yeah. i manage two Game Stops and open them alternate days.”

apparently the Game Stop I originally applied to is open Mondays Wednesdays Fridays and the other one is open Sundays Tuesdays Thursdays Saturdays.

They’re 15 minutes apart. I don’t ask whether it would make sense to just have one store locally that is open daily, bc maybe the guy knows something I don’t.

So I get to the other Game Stop and walk in and it seems like there’s no one working there. There’s just a single woman in there wearing an ankle length leather trench coat. She didn’t greet me when I came in & she’s just browsing.

After ten minutes I ask her if she’s seen any employees and she’s like “oh I’m an employee.” She’s not wearing a name tag on the trench coat.

I tell her I’m here for training and she tells me the manager hasn’t come in yet. “he falls asleep playing xbox all the time but if he’s on live we can try pinging him to wake him up.”

I play Xbox and that absolutely doesn’t sound like a thing you can do in the way she’s describing it but once again maybe she knows something I don’t.

I ask if we have an Xbox that we can use to “ping” him and she says “yeah the one in the back we play on.”

She has an English accent by the way, a very specific & posh one which usually wouldn’t be relevant but we’ll get there.

So before she leads me to the Xbox-in-the-back she goes “oh damn. our internet has actually been down all morning, I forgot. We need to call the provider and have them come out and fix it. Can you do that?”

Can I call an unnamed internet provider and schedule them to come do service at a business where I don’t even technically work yet? Idk. She gives me their number and I call them and they put me on hold.

People are walking in and she’s not greeting them. She keeps browsing and people assume like I did that she’s another customer so they’re coming up to the counter where I’m on hold to ask me for help, and then I have to say I can’t help them and to ask the woman in the trenchcoat, and then she says “we can’t sell you anything. internet’s down.”

this goes on for 30 minutes and every time the store is empty she’s chatting at me and I’m on hold and then a man walks in the door and he says “sorry I fell asleep on live again haahaahaa” so this is the manager and the minute she starts speaking to him she no longer has an English accent which has me confused because it did not sound fake.

It was regionally specific and very natural.

the manager asks what I’m doing and I say I’m on hold with the internet provider and he gives me a thumbs up and walks to the back.

so I ask how long she’s lived in the U.S. and say I’m always interested in the way people can sometimes go in and out of accents and she says “oh I’m American. he asked me to stop doing the accent so I only do it when he’s not here.”

Suddenly I wonder what I’m doing here and I tell her I need to leave and I give no excuse but at this point I didn’t feel like I needed one? She said okay! See you later.

The manager didn’t contact me and that night I got offered some other retail job I jumped on.

Three months later the Game Stop manager texts me and asks if I can cover a shift in an hour and I said “I don’t think I work there? I left an hour into my training. And we never spoke again.” And he texted back “haahahaba right on.”

And you may think wow, what a strange experience that all was but recently I have spoken to friends who did work at Game Stop and when I tell them this story they don’t even blink. Nothing I say surprises them. I was at the average Game Stop

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We didn't win, but so long as at least one person took psychic damage it was all worth it.

On the one hand, Goncharov has been consistently robbed of awards, so it’s almost to be expected;

On the other, what better expression of the complex themes of masculinity presented by Goncharov than this magnificent leggy man

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