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#humansofnewyork – @scriptshrink on Tumblr

Script Shrink

@scriptshrink / scriptshrink.tumblr.com

Writing about mental illness? Ask ScriptShrink!
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“I’m pretty sure I’m a sociopath. Or something close to it. My parents were pilots, so I spent most of my early childhood on a small island in Tunisia. The only other kids were the children of a local hotelkeeper. I was so isolated that I even invented my own words. By the time I got to high school, I was a monster. I only cared about being the best. I was a bully. I’d argue just for the sake of arguing. I would destroy any belief, just to be right. My behavior is different now. But I think I’m still a sociopath. I’m not sure I feel empathy. But I do always try to make the empathetic choice. It’s an intellectual thing for me. I’m intellectually convinced of the need for empathy. I choose to help other people. I choose to be a reliable friend. I have a wonderful wife who judges me by my actions, and not my reasons for them. Sometimes I feel like Pinocchio. Was he a real boy? Yes, because that’s what he always strived to be.”

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“There were early signs. I used to have this feeling that I could manipulate the future. I got lucky at casinos, and I thought it was because I had the power to control events. I was a biology teacher back then. I was married with four kids. I read three books per week. I was only getting a few hours of sleep every night. Then one morning on the bus I had a break from reality. I was speaking to a friend, and I started to understand her in a completely different way. And the things I understood were evil. It was like my entire mental structure had changed. I began to frighten people. I lost all filters. I would say all of the strange things that I was thinking. People thought I was on drugs. I lost my job. My wife went to her mother’s place with the kids. I ended up sleeping on the streets. It took me years to realize I had schizophrenia. I was put in a psychiatric ward for two months. Now I’m taking three different medications. I’m reading books again. I’ve got some self-esteem back. I’m building a relationship with my kids. But I’m still fighting it. It’s always there. It doesn’t come and go. It’s a continuous way of looking at the world that I must keep pushing back against.” (Cordoba, Argentina)

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scriptshrink

This is only tangentially related to this blog, but it’s a powerful story.

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