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Script Shrink

@scriptshrink / scriptshrink.tumblr.com

Writing about mental illness? Ask ScriptShrink!
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Personal Experience: Generalized Anxiety Disorder

I have been living with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) for quite some time and wanted to share my experiences here.

For me, it’s an almost constant worry about everything. It varies in intensity. Sometimes it is just a small thought at the back of your mind telling you “Things are going to go wrong”; but it is small and can be forgotten without much difficulty. Other times, it cannot be forgotten with ease; you keep thinking about it and it makes you feel tired and restless at the same time. And on the worst case, that thought telling you “things will go wrong” becomes an ocean of worst case scenarios, one worse than the other, consuming your mind and not disappearing, no matter how much you try to forget, to think positive things, to distract yourself. It stays there and makes you distressed, terrified, restless; makes you want to run away from everything. Sometimes, it isn’t even an ocean of worst case scenarios; your mind simply enters a fight or flee state because of a peak of adrenaline in your brain and you feel like something is deeply wrong and you’re in danger. That worst case tends to come in the form of anxiety/panic attacks and can be quite terrifying. For me it also makes it harder to trust people, to talk about feelings, because i fear i will say something wrong and create a disastrous situation. It makes me cautious of everything. If you want your characters with GAD to be more realistic, make them worry about little things. It doesn’t need to(and and probably shouldnt) be a full blown panic attack at every second. Make them hold their keys with an iron grip to make sure they dont lose them. Make them try to speak in the least offensive and clearest way they can (and make them fail at it and have someone misinterpret what they said for some conflict if you want :3 )

But most importantly; make your characters people. Don’t let their mental illness define them. Don’t make their entire identity revolve around GAD. And now i conclude my text. Goodbye.

[Thank you for sharing your personal experiences! -Shrink]

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Personal Experience / Response: Bipolar disorder and meds

Hello! I wanted to react to this post about a shapeshifter with BP. While it’s definitely not the same to use your powers or to use meds to “stay in the neutral zone”, here are a few things to consider nonetheless. For a quick background : I started to develop the symptoms when I was around 15/16 yo even if I wasn’t diagnosed as Bipolar type II until I reached 22. It’s been five years since I began taking my medication (Lamictal) but I can’t talk for anybody else in a similar situation. That’s my experience and mine only. That being said… 1/ It doesn’t disappear. Even with your medication working, you can still feel the episodes. Sure, it’s a lot softer and sometimes you don’t realize what kind of episode you’re having if you don’t pay attention, but it’s still there. And honestly, it’s better this way because… 2/ … if she’s a bit heavy on her use of her powers, it might have the same effect on her than it had on me when my dose was too strong. Life. become. incredibly. flat. It almost “erased” my episodes, and sure in that state you still have normal moods (happy if someone does something that pleases you, pissed if your neighbor’s music is too loud to sleep, etc.) but it’s boring. I chose to go back to my old dose for that reason. Perhaps it’s how most people live, I don’t know, but if that’s the case I don’t envy them. 3/ While I’m at it, it took me a whole year to get used to the loss of intensity due to the meds and then some more months to realize that I can’t live decently without them. That’s how I understood that BP truly is a disability: not because of how it affected my life before but because I have to rely on meds to keep my mind on the right path. Even worse: unless somebody find a cure, I’m stuck with BP for the rest of my life. There is a good chance that your character will come to that realization too at some point (which is a good thing for character development though).

4/ She’ll be exhausted. I was so, so tired before I started taking my medication because I had to control myself all the time: don’t start drinking/smoking/getting addict to drugs, don’t kill yourself, don’t run away, don’t buy that very expensive (but useless) thing, etc. And I didn’t… at the cost of not doing anything instead except spending my days on the Internet. Then I started taking my meds and I felt a lot less tired because I didn’t need to maintain that level of self-control anymore. Your character doesn’t have that luxury: she’s her own medication.

Two other things worth taking in account:

- The asymptomatic episodes felt to me like I was slightly depressed because what seemed to be my “normal” state was my hypomanic phases. Obviously it wasn’t but still…

- Episodes mainly change the way you react to things happening, not who you are. For example: my parents were abusive and I wanted nothing more than living elsewhere. Hypomanic episodes: I wanted to run away. No money? I’ll find a job. Nowhere to go? I’ll find a place. No degree? I’m awesome, why people wouldn’t want to hire me? etc. Depressive episodes: I stayed in my room all day long except when I truly needed to get out (to eat, shower, etc.).

(I’ll stop there to stay on topic. I hope it’ll help some of my fellow writers! And thanks for the blog, it’s really helpful :D)

[Glad I could help! Thanks for sharing your experiences! - Shrink]

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Personal Experience - Dissociation

Hi there, I'm V, and I have bpd. I have frequent dissociative episodes, usually immediately following a particularly intense emotion/stress. (Especially anxiety woah) it's like it all builds and builds and builds and then suddenly

Nothing is real. It's like I blinked and I melted into an alternate dimension where I'm watching everything behind a glass. Everything looks wrong. Suddenly I don't feel any emotion there's just this knot of wrong inside my chest because I know there's something very very wrong with my world. But even that can't pierce the cloud of numbness buzzing around my skull, if anything it's a background discomfort, like the only feeling I can find to cling to other than numb. I know I should have feelings but they're not there. I know that should scare me but it doesn't.

I feel foreign in my own skin. I try to move and my body moves too late. It's not my body. I don't know where I am or how to get out of here. I briefly wonder if I have to die here to get back to the real world.

It comes on suddenly but wears off gradually. I don't notice I've come out of it at first, sometimes it takes a while to wear off, I'm not really sure how long usually because I have no concept of time during, it all just feels like now. I can't remember it at all, the best I can get is brief images and I'm not sure they're real.

I've had enough of these episodes now that I can handle them. Instead of doing anything rash, I lay down for a while and try to feel something. I try to avoid talking to people if I can remember to as I've been told I can be quite unnerving when dissociating and I tend to say things I don't really mean because I can't feel anything and have trouble remembering that actions have consequences when my world doesn't feel real.

[Thank you for sharing your experiences. -Shrink]

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Borderline Personality Disorder: Intense/Fluctuating emotions, personal experience

Hey there. I have borderline personality disorder, depression and bulimia. Figured I’d put all that time I’ve spent analysing my emotions and thinking patterns to good use and write up how I experience BPD. This relates to how I experience the intense and fluctuating emotions.

Reminder that this is all my personal experiences. They’re not universal amongst people with BPD. 

TW for cutting, suicidal thoughts, violent thoughts, violence, eating disorder, depression.

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Hellgarite: Personal Experience with ASD

Okay okay so you were asking about lived experiences of people with ASD? I can totally do that, as an autistic creative writing psych student lol Hopefully this makes sense but I’ve had a touch too much caffeine

First thing to keep in mind when writing an autistic character is that autism is a spectrum. Not just a spectrum going from MILD to SEVERE but a spectrum of abilities that are different for everyone. ie someone considered “low functioning” could have better social skills than a “high functioning” autistic person, so there is no such thing as a universal Low or High functioning autistic, everyone is affected differently and its not a binary thing. Basically autistic people = unique individuals

Secondly, a person’s skills and abilities can vary wildly from day to day, or even within the moment. A good example is that when I go into sensory overload, that doesn’t just affect my sensory integration, but also my verbal skills (I can go nonverbal), my cognition, my motor skills… Literally anything.

[Continued after the jump]

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scriptshrink

I'm not sure if I should ask you or scriptmedic about this, but what are the do's and don't's of calming someone who's having a panic/anxiety attack?

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Courtesy of @scriptautistic:

Things not to do:

  • Don’t : Yell at them. Especially not to calm down. This is the exact opposite of helpful. 
  •  Don’t : Tell them to stop crying/shaking/hyperventilating. They can’t help it. 
  • Don’t : Start panicking as well (if possible). 
  • Don’t : Touch them or move them without permission. 
  • Don’t : Ask too many questions without giving them time to answer. Ask open questions which require lot of reflection or open answers.
  • Don’t: Force them to do anything they don’t want to do.
  • Don’t : Leave them alone before they have calmed down completely and told you so. If it’s not their first attack, they probably know how they behave. 

Things to do:

  • Do: Speak as calmly as possible. Have calm gestures. Try to appear as non-threatening, calm, collected and reassuring as possible.  
  • Do : Ask if you can do anything specific to help. Ask if they have medication and if they want to take it. Ask if they want help getting away from a stressor. Once these basics are covered, you can offer them something cold/warm to drink and a hug if you’re comfortable with giving them one. 
  • Do : Try and help them breathe more regularly if they are hyperventilating. You can help them by saying “breathe in…breathe out” in a regular, slow rhythm, or, while hugging them or with their hand on your chest, by telling them to follow your rhythm. 
  • Do : Reassure them if they apologize, feel guilty or are ashamed to be seen like this. 
  • Do: Gently but firmly keep them from hurting themselves. 
  • Do : Once they have calmed down a bit, try to distract them to stop them from getting back into the attack or having another one. You can chat with them, tell them about your day, offer them to play a game, have a walk together, or do anything nice, soothing, and that they like. Comfort food is nice. Warm blankets are nice. 
  • Do: Give them a way to keep in touch with you if you have to go shortly afterwards, or a way to contact someone else/ a hotline which can help. 

Followers who’ve had panic attacks - what helps you calm down? What doesn’t help?

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@pomrania added:

SO TRUE.
Telling someone “calm down” is pretty much NEVER a good idea. If they’re able to, they’ll do it anyways (unless you’ve annoyed them too much by saying stupid things like that); if they’re not, it’s pointless.
I’d add the advice of “stay out of arm’s reach”, because when I’m freaking the hell out, I might mindlessly strike out at anyone who gets too close; and then someone calls security and/or the police and the whole day is ruined. (True story.) 
Also, it really does not feel good having people talk about me like I’m not there, even if I’m too busy crying to respond. To me, if you have to call for assistance, move out of earshot. Don’t stop to gawk. I understand curiosity – it’s one of my driving forces – but be discreet about it. 
I think of myself as essentially a frightened animal when I’m freaking out that badly, although other people have said that’s not a good comparison to ever say. (Joke’s on you, I’m posting it anyways.) 
To me, only time can help; even if the original thing is no longer a problem, everything needs to work its way out of my system. Absolute best-case scenario for me has no unpleasant distractions, and a big fuzzy dog to hug; the more reasonable best-case scenario would be no idiots nearby, and a rhythmic sound to help with my breathing. 
Personally one of the big things for me when I have a panic attack is finding or being handed my inhaler. I also have asthma and when I panic I hyperventilate, which can cause me to breathe in dust or pollen or something else that triggers my asthma, which just makes me panic more. Being given my inhaler and using it forces me to have to focus on something familiar (the steps to using it). 
Another thing that helps me is if my teddy bear is around, being handed it can help. I have a strong attachment to the bear, more than some of my human friends, and as long as I have the bear I know even when I panic that nothing imagined/in my head/not physical can hurt me. That calms me a lot. Having my phone helps too, even if i can’t use it, my phone being there gives me the sense that my (long distance) friends are there too.
The only thing (other than the ones already said) that’s ever made it worse for me/not helped me, was people trying to talk to me. To be clear I mean multiple people. If there’s more than one person when someone is panicking, try to remember that for some characters multiple people talking will just make it worse. Try to only have one character talk to the panicked character at a time, preferentially a character they trust. 

An Anon added:

You asked for some advice to calm down from panic attacks so here’s a few of my tips. If a person is in a group when they have a panic attack then see if they want to be away from the group (personally I like to be completely alone during an attack and need comfort afterwards bc even one person stresses me out) Also there’s one breathing technique I have is where I tap my finger and count like “1 2 3 4” each gets a tap and that’s when I inhale and the 5,6,7,8 is when I exhale (like dance counts)

Thanks to all three of you for adding to this post! - Shrink

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What I'd like to see in an autistic character

The main thing that gets me about the way ASD is portrayed is that it’s always boys and always younger characters. The kid who likes trains or planes too much and has outbursts that no one seems to understand. As a 23 year old woman living with ASD, that just doesn’t cut it for me. Not all ASD individuals are emotionless. In fact, I experience emotions at a much stronger level than most people. Not all of our special interests are related to bugs or transportation. Sure, some of them are, but I’ve seen that so many times that I want more. Show me the autistic adult whose special interest is a tv show or a historical period. Show me an autistic individual whose meltdowns are explained. Hell, for that matter, show me a self-aware autistic individual, who knows they’re having a meltdown, like I do, but they can’t stop it. Give me casual stimming, gentle swaying back and forth rather than violently rocking back and forth in a corner. Show me fidget toys being used and the shaking of the leg. But mostly, and above all else, show me an autistic character who isn’t ostracised. I know that happens a lot in real life, I know it, but that doesn’t mean autistic people have no friends. Most of my friends are others with aspergers. We form groups. The narrative that this autistic person has no friends because they’re “weird” while it may be true in some cases, it quite harmful for two reasons: 1. It paints a false narrative and 2. For those who really don’t have friends, it shows that this is what life is going to be like forever when that’s just not the case. 

[Thank you for your contribution! -Shrink]

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My experience with psychosis

Hello, I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar Type I with psychotic features and rapid cycling and I’m willing to share my experiences with psychosis in regards to your post, hope it helps! I experience psychotic breaks in both manic and depressive episodes. When manic, I generally overestimate my abilities and for instance, I’d be convinced I cannot die. For example, once I was sure of my immortality and I wanted to prove it to my friend who I felt didn’t believe me (you don’t say, but I felt so hurt by this) by driving my car against a wall. Usually I don’t remember most of these kind of blackouts.

It’s even more dangerous when I’m depressed though, since I get very paranoid and I’d feel like everyone and everything is against me, I always push people away and blame them but mostly myself. Sometimes I hear voices telling me this (well, not exactly voices but rather noises that I somehow perceive as words… they don’t sound like real voices, but I know what they mean. It’s difficult to explain). It’s very hard to convince me I’m not in the right mind. Often I have this urge to do something (even trivial things) to prevent something terrible from happening. For example, I lost some unimportant piece of paper one day and I was distraught, because I felt that if I don’t find it, something will happen. I don’t even know what would happen, I was simply so scared. I didn’t find it of course, and I felt like the biggest freaking failure, it just destroyed me. Psychosis is one of the scariest parts of bipolar.. at least for me. It scares me so much that it can literally take over your mind and you believe the most insane things, but it’s even scarier when you snap out of it and realize you’ve lost it once again, the defenselessness is terrifying. Thankfully I’m undergoing therapy and taking medication and I’ve been rather stable for quite a long time.

(Hope this helped somehow… feel free to message me in case you have any questions :) Love your blog!)

[Thanks! And thank you for submitting your experiences. - Shrink]

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personal experience with bpd

it lies mostly in the constant underlying guilt i have for purely being alive, being born, taking up space, making me feel undeserving of anything including basic things like people’s time, money, love, and anything or anyone healthy or positive. Including the belief that i deserve pain, hurt, to be abused physically and emotionally, etc. because of this i have a subconscious desire to self destruct, which isn’t only self harm but also purposely ruining friendships and relationships, shoplifting, doing hard drugs, risky sex, etcetc. My thought process always resorts back to suicide. For example: i fucked up the thing. i fuck up everything. everyone hates me because i cant stop fucking up. no one will ever love me. im a horrible human. i need to get high/get drunk/cut/lash out at a loved one/kill myself. i have an extremely hard time maintaining any friendships due mainly to the fact that after being called clingy and annoying for so long i’ve become incredibly distant in order to not seem clingy even tho i so desperately wanna be!! if that makes sense. Like ill want so badly to message someone 500 times but instead ill ignore their text because “they probably wont respond anyway”. I also fall in love incredibly fast and can also lose feelings just as fast. Black and white thinking is the only way i think. Example: in 2nd grade i stopped drawing because my friends picture was better. in elementary school and 5+6 grade i was in all the gifted and talented programs and got straight A’s, in 7th grade i was put in a lower math class and decided to completely give up on school and from then on my grades were shit. if i cannot be the best then i will be the worst. in every sense. My moods are rapid and fast but that doesn’t mean they aren’t intense. compare it to someone dumping a bucket of water on your head randomly. no its not raining but wtf man?! Mood swings are typically triggered by feeling abandoned/rejected or guilty. It also feels like there are two people in my brain, one desperately trying to smash everything with a hammer and another trying to glue everything back together. Most times the hammer smasher is much bigger and faster and stronger than the glue dude. Example: acting as glue dude and making a long list of coping skills and framing it. triggered, and im hammer smasher and burn the list. back to glue dude i sit over the ashes and cry.

[Thank you for sharing your experiences. -Shrink]

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General Anxiety Disorder and Anxiety Attacks: What They Feel Like and How I Deal

So, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder at the age of 17. I won’t go into how that happened, because it’s a story that probably violates the submission rules, and it’s not really important to the content of the submission, anyway. What this submission is about is what an anxiety attack associated with my GAD feels like, and how I handle one when it happens.

It’s important to note that no two people are the same when it comes to anxiety. What sets me off or triggers an anxiety attack may be just another Tuesday to someone else, and vice versa. For me, major anxiety triggers are clutter, small spaces, crowded/noisy rooms, unclear directions or lack of directions in a task with some amount of pressure (like schoolwork), and multiple tasks at once with limited time to complete all of them. Basically, I don’t like having my space or my free time compromised. It makes me feel powerless. To try to avoid an attack, I do plenty of things; I organize my space, I politely decline to be squeezed into tiny areas, I avoid rooms full of loud people packed closely together, and I prioritize tasks in order of most to least important and get them done one at a time. I make it sound simple, I know, but bear in mind that I’m 20 years old now and this is a system that’s taken three years of hard work to build.

Sometimes, though, my safeguards don’t work. Sometimes, I still have anxiety attacks. This is just what it feels like for me, but I’m sure a few people have similar experiences.

I can feel an attack coming on when the room I’m in starts to feel suddenly smaller. I’m not talking a walls-closing-in feeling, not exactly, just a shift in perception. It literally feels as though the room shrunk by about two feet on every side, even though I can see with my own two eyes that the walls are in exactly the same place they were before. I don’t lose awareness of my surroundings entirely, but my mind goes into a kind of white noise mode. If you could see inside my head during an anxiety attack, you’d see nothing but empty space for miles. Sound starts to blur by, like it’s on fast-forward. I’ll know you’re talking to me, I’ll understand and respond, but later, I may not remember what you said. Then comes the hyperventilation, which…is admittedly scary because I’m also asthmatic. This makes me feel rather lightheaded and faint and a little dizzy. Occasionally, not always, my hands shake.

So you’re probably wondering, “Cr1m, how do you deal with that? It sounds awful!” Well, it is awful. And the way that I deal with it depends partly on me and partly on someone I trust.

If I feel an attack coming on and I’m safe and clear to do so, the first thing I do is remove myself from whatever situation I’m in. Excuse myself from class, go to the back room at work, run to the bathroom at home–anything to get out. Once I’m out of the immediate situation causing the attack, I can work to clear my head. I can do it alone, with deep breathing and repeated reassuring phrases like “I can do this” or “I’m okay, everything’s okay”, but it’s even better if there’s someone with me whom I trust and rely on. Now, I personally don’t like to be touched when I’m having an anxiety attack, so I like to have someone there to just help me count out my breathing and assure me that I can stay where I’m at as long as I need to, and to talk out the reasons behind the attack after it’s over.

Immediately after an anxiety attack, I’m really exhausted. But I still make an effort to try and talk out why the attack happened, or why I think it happened, because then I can work on possible solutions to the root problem. Say, for instance, we’re moving to a new house and I’m struggling to stay calm while packing because I don’t have clear directions from my mom on what she wants packed up and how she wants it packed. Once I know that much, I know that I can solve that by asking my mom to clarify her instructions.

Anyway, this got long, but I just wanted to contribute to your lovely work!

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A Day in The Life of My ADHD Brain

LOL. J/K Let me tell you one thing about having a non-linear neuro-type. Every day is different. Some days, you’re on top of the world, ma! You have superpowers! Legit. And other days those same functions that made you feel so AMAZING yesterday, have turned on you and you feel so incapacitated you might as well be hooked up to a ventilator. My brain moves hella fast so sometimes I seem like I’m rambling, but truth is I’ve skipped a few steps in the physical world, so bear with me. You’ll probably notice this post jumps around- and I’ve left it a bit like that to show you what my brain is like. Enjoy. (I have edited it to make it slightly more readable.)

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Hello, and thanks so much for this blog and offering such help!

A bit of basic background on me - 35 years old, bisexual biracial cis female, married to a straight cis man. I was diagnosed with clinical depression about 15 years ago in college; I was diagnosed with GAD and panic disorder with agoraphobia about 3 years ago, though the symptoms were there for many years before that.

My father died suddenly of a heart attack when I was 17. I, and the rest of my family (mother and older brother), did not handle it well - no grief counseling, never asking for help, and focusing on “being strong” for each other. Unsurprisingly, I had what I called a nervous breakdown, and attempted suicide.

In college, the combination of changing environments, stress, and nascent physical illnesses led to my initial panic attacks, which scared the life out of me. Everything piled on, and my depression came crashing down again. I had a plan, but I did not attempt suicide again.

I’ve found myself cycling through times of deep depression and anxiety over the years, though lately I’ve been doing a lot better due to some better therapy and medication. I have a career that I love, and a manager who is extremely understanding of my issues. I’m happy to help out with any questions anyone may have!

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Living with BPD

For me, it manifests itself in never trusting when anyone says anything positive about me. I hear them and I’ll believe it then, but I will soon begin to doubt it. Emotional permanece is not a thing I fully have. I get very envious when I’m not included and I tend to get paranoid that everyone is going to leave me. This stems from being the victim of child abuse. When you can’t trust your parental figures, it’s a lot harder to trust anyone at all.

[Thank you for submitting your experience. -Shrink]

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Medical emergency-caused PTSD

Okay, so, I read the other person’s account of their PTSD, and it made me want to talk about my own experiences with it. My PTSD wasn’t caused by anything another person did to me - it was a fuck up of my own body, which has made it really hard to get over and live with. Given that, I’ll be talking in some detail about the medical aspects of what happened, because I think if you want to write about PTSD from some medical emergency it’s important to know how the emergency influences the symptoms.

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Clinical Judgement, Diagnosis, and Announcement RE: Submissions

Okay, so.  A lot of the upcoming disorders in the Demystifying the DSM-V series can be misinterpreted or applied when someone doesn’t actually fulfill the criteria. So we need to have a quick discussion about what the criteria of a diagnosis are really looking at.

To do this, we gotta look at something called a ‘normal curve’.  

Let’s pretend we took a survey of everyone in the world, asking them to rate their overall levels of happiness or sadness for the last month.  We take every person’s happiness/sadness score and put it on a graph.  It’d look something like this.  (note - I’m highly, highly simplifying things)

It looks like this because, you know, most people aren’t super happy or super sad.  For most people, the amount of happiness they feel is kinda balanced out by how much sadness they can also feel.  That’s why there’s a big hump in the middle – this shows what is considered a normal range of happiness and sadness.  Most people in the world fall inside that hump somewhere.

But even though there aren’t many people at the edges of the curve, there are still people who are extremely depressed, or happy to the point of manic.  They are far enough to either extreme that they rarely, if ever, feel the opposite emotion.

Obviously, someone who’s just really happy doesn’t need to be hospitalized.  But someone who’s manic can often be dangerous to themselves or others, and may require it.  Someone who’s a little unhappy isn’t an emergency (though it sucks).  Someone who’s extremely depressed, to the point that they are actively self-harming and about to attempt suicide, is an emergency.

Diagnosis is about finding the line between what’s within the normal range and what is considered extremely outside of the norm.

Some disorders are easier to see and diagnose than others - the lines between what is normal and extreme are very thick, metaphorically.  It’s clear when someone is past the line, and thus diagnosible with a disorder.

For some disorders, a simple medical test virtually guarantees you a diagnosis, like certain sleep disorders.  There are numbers on a page, generated while you sleep, and if you reach a certain number, you get diagnosed with a sleep disorder.  The only clinical judgement made is knowing which number is the important one to look at.

Some disorders are essentially diagnosed via a survey, like depression.  There’s almost no clinical judgement needed there.  It’s pretty clear when someone’s struggling, and there aren’t lifelong consequences to being given a diagnosis. It’s not a complicated process, and it’s fairly easy to do.

But when you get to the disorders that have extreme, life-long consequences (and often carry a great deal of stigma), you need to make absolutely sure that you fulfill the criteria. For these disorders, you can’t always rely on your own interpretation of what checks the boxes in the DSM-V. You need to have someone objective, who knows what to look for, to make the call for sure. Most people don’t have the clinical judgement needed to make that call.   It takes a lot of training and experience to get to that point. Hell, even the Shrink herself isn’t qualified to diagnose ANYONE with those kinds of disorders yet.

Please understand, I am not trying to invalidate people’s feelings or struggles here. I am not anti-self-diagnosis. I think self-diagnosis is a great starting point for recognizing one’s problems, and often the first step to getting much-needed treatment. You can absolutely accurately recognize traits of yourself that seem to fulfill the criteria, and these traits can absolutely cause you distress and make your life more difficult. I believe that you are suffering, and that you deserve to be taken seriously and given treatment. In fact, I believe that most of the time, your self diagnosis is likely correct.

I fully recognize that diagnosis is incredibly expensive, and full of hurdles that many people aren’t able to navigate their way through. We have an absolutely shitty, classist, ableist system in America, and it is the fucking worst. I also recognize that sometimes doctors or therapists are fucking idiots. If you are unhappy with what they say, try to get a second opinion if you can. I acknowledge that this is not possible for all people, even though in a perfect world, it would be.

I know this post is going to be controversial. I don’t want it to be. I repeat, I AM NOT AGAINST SELF-DIAGNOSIS.

But this blog is about helping people accurately portray mental illness in writing. I need to make sure that what I post will promote the accurate understanding of people with mental illness. Even if, out of 100 people, there’s 99 people who submit whose self-diagnosis is absolutely and completely true, if the remaining 1 person has inaccurately diagnosed themself, it would add to the misconceptions surrounding the mental illness in question.

I would prefer not to take that chance.

As such, I am going to request that in the future, people who submit their experiences have a professional diagnosis.

Thank you for understanding.

- Shrink

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Personal Experience: TBI

Hopefully everyone knows that a TBI is brain damage. It happens because the brain gets smushed against the skull that should be protecting it.

Most of the TBIs people hear about are the severe ones, with a coma of more than a day. I was only out for about an hour, making mine fit into either the minor or mild category. This means mine is not representative of all experiences, however people who have had a concussion may find similarities, as that is in the same type of TBI. One fact that gets overlooked is that even minor ones can have pretty huge impacts on daily life.

I will be using the terms mostly as they were explained to me, so I apologize if there is any confusion.

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First diagnosis was Tourette’s Syndrome, then ADHD, both in grade school. OCD tendencies, but not enough for a full diagnosis. Diagnosed with Asperger’s in high school. Because I answered some questions oddly, I’ve also been checked for schizophrenia and manic-depressive, and I can officially say that as of then, I do NOT have either of those.

Unless I’m having a specific type of really bad day, I don’t feel disabled. I feel like the world is wrong. People don’t state things clearly, and they expect me to read their mind on what they want me to do. There are so many arbitrary rules that you’re expected to intuitively know, and not only are those rules silly, some I feel are actively dumb or even morally wrong. Like, not talking to strangers because it’s “weird”. There is only one person in the entire universe who was NEVER a stranger to you, and that’s the woman who conceived you; everyone else was once a stranger.

Throughout grade school and high school, I didn’t like taking my medication (for the ADHD, I think). Part of it was how it was first given to me: they’d crush the pill, mix it with those little packets of jam, and have me eat that (to this day, I still can’t stand strawberry jam because it reminds me of that disgusting taste). The more important reason, though, was that the medication felt imposed on me. Like they were trying to make me “normal”, and I react quite negatively to that. My grade 8 teacher told me that her husband needed to take heart medication, and he’d end up in a lot of trouble if he didn’t, but I could see enough differences between those situations, and I didn’t buy it. I still think that was a horrible reason to give someone.

In university, I eventually stopped taking my meds. Nobody could force me to, so I didn’t. Things didn’t work out so well with all of that: second semester of second year, I failed every single course, and I’d already been on academic probation, so I was out. Not much relevant for this blog to say about the next few years.

I started taking my meds again when I was going for my full driver’s license. It was my choice, and even if I hadn’t been able to experience a difference, I could see from its effects: with my meds, I had a hard time concentrating on boring things, but without them, I literally could not concentrate on anything I found boring.

My tics bother me sometimes, but almost never more than “having the hiccups” would bother me. Sometimes they affect my breathing rhythms so I can’t speak, and that’s annoying, but it isn’t common. When I get really stressed, I’ve had it that I start ticcing up so hard I literally can’t get up, and the muscle contractions are painful, but when I’m in a situation where that’s happening, my emotional suffering has most of my attention.

If there’s anything else that’d be useful or what, just ask me. Hope that might be helpful to someone.

[Thank you so much for sharing! - Shrink]

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