Did I ever tell you guys about the tortoise guy?

So, I used to be a volunteer in the insect zoo at a popular museum. While I was there, I heard a fantastic anecdote from another volunteer who had previously volunteered at the reptile house at a nearby zoo.

Apparently, while he was there, there was a man who would come to visit the reptiles fairly regularly, and he always wore a long raincoat, even when it was hot and sunny out. He seemed a little weird, but nobody really thought much of it. 

Until the day that someone realized that his visits co-incided with the mating season of the giant tortoises.

The staff started subtly passing through the tortoise area, and sure enough, he would show up, stand there in front of the tortoises, and subtly pleasure himself under the raincoat to the sight of wrinkly giant Aldabra tortoises getting it on.

He was arrested, and it turned out he was wearing nothing under the raincoat. After hearing that story, nothing that happened at the insect zoo could ever startle me.

I used to work with a guy who also volunteered at the National Zoo, and apparently there was a strange guy who used to come in and hang out at the reptile house for a long time every day wearing a raincoat, even when it was sunny. Nobody thought that much of it, until someone realized that he was actually masturbating to the giant tortoises during their mating season. Now that's all I think about when I see tortoises.