SarahTheCoat

Ok. You know how when Mary died John had an imaginary Mary for a while? What if he had an imaginary Sherlock? (I’m guessing he did). But what if imaginary Sherlock never leaves? What if Sherlock really did jump and die and seasons 3 and four are all in John’s head? I know it’s a really big stretch, but it just occurred to me. And all the ‘cases’ he’s going on? Mycroft? Idk it’s literally something that popped into my head.

Hi Nonny!

I’ve actually talked briefly about this before! I do believe John had an imaginary Sherlock; there’s evidence of this in TEH when he looks to Mary at the restaurant to make sure she is seeing Sherlock standing there as well. And further evidenced when he sees “Ghost Mary”, who they purposely made look like Sherlock for the first few minutes. So yeah, I really do believe that John had been walking around all those years with an invisible Sherlock.

And yeah, anyway, I have also thought about this painful headcanon myself for a long while, and it hurts every single time I think about it D: Because of my own depression issues, my brain goes to very dark places when I think about what John might do should Sherlock never ever return. On the “least destructive” path, probably hallucinations and he goes to therapy to learn how to move on. But I’m one who looks at evidence within canon:

I think 2 years was nearing the limit for John. He wasn’t happy with Mary, I don’t care what anyone says. The only reason she was in his life was because I feel like she was placed there by someone (another reason “””Mary’s””” backstory makes no sense because she just… showed up out of the blue, coincidentally around the time of TGG and inserted herself into John’s life?? What a fucking coincidence) because someone noticed he was falling deep. Honestly, Nonny, while I do think John is a very strong person, sometimes mental illness can overwhelm anyone. It was already hinted at in ASIP that John was suicidal just before he met Sherlock, so yeah, that just doesn’t “disappear” like magic. It comes and goes. Sherlock made John feel like he had a purpose, and without that purpose…. well.

Sorry, Nonny, I didn’t mean for this to go so dark. Anyway, John is a terribly complicated character with more layers than an onion, but he loves Sherlock so fiercely that he, I think, would try his hardest to move on, and live the life he knows Sherlock would want him to live. It’s hard when John is blaming himself for Sherlock’s death (John believes he’s not enough for Sherlock) for two years straight, and I feel like he saw very little of his therapist after that one visit. Poor John.