The thing that really drives me crazy about all this does Ed like CJ, does CJ like Ed, does CJ bully Stede, did Ed enjoy being around CJ, is that…CJ treats Ed like shit and Stede doesn’t. If they fucked, CJ thinks it’s funny and fun to talk about that using degrading language. If they didn’t, CJ thinks it’s fun to make up lies to hurt Ed. The whole damn episode is how much CJ treats Ed like shit, and how much Stede doesn’t treat Ed like shit.

I'm sorry, man, I just can't see nostalgic longing in this episode. Not when Ed leaves the ship and sits there longing to be back on it, and not when Stede watches everything he wants just sliding away from him like it did in his childhood.

One tiny thing that I feel like has been getting lost in these conversations is that Ed's mood changes over the course of the episode. The first time we see him with CJ they're having stupid harmful fun, even if it starts to sour by the time Jack calls Stede a girl and gets worse at breakfast. Ed's definitely not feeling good by the time they're in that dingy of course, but before that there's...something.

If not nostalgia then at least a kind of comfort with something familiar, even when that something is unequivocally bad for him and the people around him. Seeking and/or tolerating familiar (if harmful) things is a big part of Ed's whole arc, and all of his daddy and self-esteem issues. Even if he's not having some objectively measurable level of fun (which isn't a thing), even if him and Jack never fucked, the important thing is that he has always struggled to believe he deserves better, and in moments of insecurity/feeling unsafe like after "I don't like who you are around this guy" he retreats to what's familiar.

That's an extremely common behavior for abused people, and there can even be a maladaptive kind of solace in what's familiar because you know how it works. In that mindset, being treated like shit is the least of your concerns and not an obstacle to finding brief moments of things that might resemble enjoyment from the outside. Because even in the worst circumstances humans will find occasional moments that we can develop positive associations toward. Even if they're bad for us.

there can even be a maladaptive kind of solace in what's familiar because you know how it works

(which you see from Stede in this episode too, most notably when he returns to the turquoise suit and quasi-paternalism towards the crew)

Jack is a fantastic foil for Stede because together they show Ed two paths: one downhill towards a shitty past and one uphill towards a better future. Stede leaves, and Ed still tries to claw his way up that now very uncertain path towards the future until Izzy fucking donkey kicks him all the way back down the mountain.

There's an interesting parallel between the Ed and Jack dynamic compared to the Ed and Mary/Anne dynamic.

Initially, he's fully delighted to see them and he reverts to matching their tone and pattern of behaviour because, as mentioned above, comfortingly familiar and - to a degree - safe because of it. He knows how to behave with/around them.

They all encourage him to bask in tales of chaos and carnage. Even when they bring up stuff that makes him uncomfortable, he tries to act like he's totally fine with it (the burning ship, the shaving of his beard). He never lets them see his vulnerabilities. You can see him shoring himself up when he's feeling brittle.

It speaks measures for their common background, where letting your guard down and being sincere about your emotions meant people would laugh at you.

This is what makes his relationship with Stede so different - he's actually in a place and a space where he can be vulnerable and honest and it terrifies him, especially given the depths of his self-loathing and belief he doesn't deserve it. "Do you see me now? You were always going to see what I am"

When you're vulnerable, you can be hurt much more easily, so slipping back into a more familiar (albeit harmful and limiting) relationship feels safer.

This is why 2x04 is such a big change - he recognises the pattern of behaviour this time, realises what's going on and immediately recalibrates and decides no, not this time. He calls out their behaviour and sides with Stede for it, because while Stede has hurt him in the past, he's come back and he's doing the work to make things right.

I was rethinking the bookshop meta I wrote a while ago and realized I was not thinking big enough.

The bookshop has always been Aziraphale's version of Crowley's plants (his trauma reenactment), but also, absolutely everything Aziraphale does in Season 2 is a re-creation of Heaven's role. Crowley's behavior also encompasses everything, not just his plants.

I've seen it suggested that centering Aziraphale and Crowley's trauma histories is reducing their characters to behaving like just reactive victims instead of survivors with agency. Or worse, it's "excusing bad behavior." I don't agree with either of these, because I feel that part of Good Omens is about how large, powerful systems affect individuals, and so the context of every character's decisions matters a lot to the overall themes of the story. Everyone starts out working within a system they believe to reflect reality and then has to learn how to break free of it. You cannot really illustrate that without having the characters start out being genuinely trapped with different ways of coping with their reality.

This is an attempt at a pretty big-picture meta. Although it isn't a plot prediction, it's how I think some of the series' themes are going to progress. It starts out perhaps a little grim, but in the long run, it's how Aziraphale's character growth and relationship with Crowley can simultaneously be massive for them as individuals, a crucial part of the overarching narrative message of the series, and symbolic of a change in all of Heaven and Hell, all while allowing the themes to continue to prioritize human free will.

In short, it's about Aziraphale's problems, but it's also meant to be an Aziraphale love post.

All of the below exists in tandem with Good Omens as a comedy of errors. Just because there are heavy ideas does not mean they will not also be funny. Look back on how much of Season 2 seemed silly until we started to pick it apart! One of the amazing things about Good Omens is how it manages to do both silly and serious at once! (I feel like that's maybe a little Terry Pratchett DNA showing through. "Laughter can get through the keyhole while seriousness is still hammering on the door," as Terry himself said.)

Aziraphale and Trauma

[Just a note that I initially wrote this in response to this post: https://www.tumblr.com/theangelyouknew/732357015604756480?source=share&ref=_tumblr which is full of insightful info. I'm reposting my response here with some minor edits so it's easier to find in tags.]

This is something I actually find interesting within the fandom, because there seems to be this weird divide in fandom when it comes to Aziraphale.

See, I love Aziraphale. I think he's an amazing and well nuanced character, but a lot of the time fandom boils him down into this really simple version of himself. This happens both with people who dislike him and claim he's a bad person as well as with those who want to soften him up and make him more palatable. Aziraphale isn't the only one who has trouble with black and white thinking here!

Things like Coffee Theory remove Aziraphale's agency because the thought of Aziraphale doing something to hurt Crowley deliberately is something they can't stomach. If Aziraphale is acting under some kind of major magical influence, it means that it's possible to brush over the fact that he can - and has - hurt Crowley in the past and it certainly hasn't always been accidental.

There's a lot of Psychology I could touch on here, but it's honestly such a complicated topic that I don't really feel I can do it justice attached to a completely different topic.

But one thing I do want to touch on a bit is how Aziraphale asserts control in his own life via his connection with Crowley, and that touches on something equally complicated, which is something that's probably hard to understand.

Abuse victims are often manipulative.

I don't mean this at all as some kind of slight or insult. I've been an abuse victim myself and it's one reason I know it's true.

Fandom talks a lot about Crowley's trauma and he's got loads, to be sure. I think of that meme about "this bad boy can fit a lot of trauma" and it's very true. I've even seen people mention that Aziraphale has a different kind of Trauma than Crowley, which is also true.

What I haven't seen is someone addressing that the type of religious trauma is a form of CPTSD. CPTSD or "Complex PTSD" is a very specific form of PTSD. PTSD is characterized as being the result of a traumatic event - Crowley's fall, for example, is a good example of PTSD and I can go into that at some point. CPTSD is different because it's not a singular event, it's the result of being in a constant high stress situation. A lot of abuse victims - especially those abused by parental figures or significant others - have this form of PTSD.

A good way to see the difference is in comparing how they relate to their trauma. When Crowley thinks he's lost Aziraphale in S1, it sends him into a spiral. But importantly we see that this traumatic event is causing Crowley to go back to another traumatic event in time, triggering his memories of his fall. This emphasizes how much Crowley's fall defines his trauma. We rarely see him experiencing trauma at the hands of Hell, as he's mostly allowed freedom to handle his job on earth the way he wants.

https://cptsdfoundation.org/ defines CPTSD as "the results of ongoing, inescapable, relational trauma. Unlike Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Complex PTSD typically involves being hurt by another person. These hurts are ongoing, repeated, and often involving a betrayal and loss of safety."

In humans, this is caused by having no sense of safety in key moments of development. It strips away sense of self, sense of worth and really any agency. We even see the angels using direct gaslighting tactics on Aziraphale in S2, which I'm surprised doesn't get mentioned more often: When they come to the bookshop looking for Gabriel, they mention Gabriel and then almost immediately when Aziraphale asks "you were looking for Gabriel", Uriel outright says a line that goes something like "Did we say we were looking for Gabriel?", leading Aziraphale to fumble and try to remember if they did, in fact, say that at some point (they did).

So, one big thing to know about CPTSD and this kind of abuse related trauma is that learning to lie and be manipulative is often what people have to do to survive. Children with abusive parents will learn how to be manipulative in order to get what they need or avoid losing things they need.

We see this with Aziraphale, time and time again. He could just ASK Crowley for things he wants. A lot of people point out that he could ask and that Crowley would probably give in to him most of the time anyway. But that's not how it works in an abusive home. Instead, Aziraphale maneuvers Crowley into situations where Crowley is forced to give him what he needs or wants.

His lack of agency, as a result of his CPTSD, is also why he needs to be worked into making decisions that he already knows - or at least suspects - are right. That's why they have their little dance every time Crowley has to talk Aziraphale into something by finding the right way to frame it so it makes sense with Aziraphale's strict rule structure. These rules exist as a defensive mechanism too. Having rules makes it easier to figure out how to avoid being hurt and Aziraphale cannot simply step outside the rules because it's Not Safe. Not even with someone he trusts as much as Crowley.

The entire apology dance scene stands out for a few reasons. Everything Aziraphale does in the entire scene is an act that allows him to take control of the situation. He's already won, so to speak, because Crowley is back and Crowley is going to do what he wants. The apology is unnecessary on every level.

This post talks about how uncomfortable Crowley has to be sharing a space with Gabriel. Gabriel is with the abusive team, whether or not he was directly involved with Crowley's fall. Crowley also harbors a severe distress and mistrust of Gabriel because of Gabriel's attempts to destroy Aziraphale, the most important person to Crowley. But it's worth noting that Aziraphale is uncomfortable too.

Another good indicator of how stressed Aziraphale is with all this is that he doesn't eat ANYTHING when Gabriel is in the shop. The only food he consumes in modern era is when he's in the Bentley which is a "safe" space. Gabriel constantly hounded Aziraphale over eating and despite offering Gabriel hot chocolate, we don't see him partaking himself. He does briefly drink to demonstrate how "drinking tea" works for Muriel, but he doesn't seem to drink from his cup at all after demonstrating.

The bookshop is also Aziraphale's safe space, his ONLY safe space - Crowley still technically has the Bentley, and honestly I feel like Aziraphale wanting to borrow the Bentley is actually partially because he needs to get away from Gabriel and the Bentley is the only place that feels safe for him at the moment. Shax ruins any illusion of safety for him, but Aziraphale is much more enthused for his trip in ep3 and a fair amount of it is because he's not trapped with Gabriel.

A small note here, as a thought occurs to me. Aziraphale asserting that the Bentley is "our car" is probably mostly for himself. He's trying to realign his thinking to make the Bentley an acceptable "safe space" for himself prior to the trip.

There is a very different relationship dynamic when it comes to Gabriel and Aziraphale because Gabriel is the constant source of Aziraphale's trauma. He's Aziraphale's superior, the one he has to report to, the one who passes down his missions and his punishments. When Aziraphale takes Gabriel in, he's just invited his former abuser of over 6000 years into his safe haven. This is a hugely uncomfortable thing for an abuse survivor.

Worst of all, because Jim is, for all intents and purposes, NOT Gabriel, Aziraphale can't bring himself to lash out at his former abuser the way he wants to.

That brings us back to this apology scene.

There are two major things going on here and both of them are bad and hurtful toward Crowley. They're also both intensely unfair. I love Aziraphale but this was definitely a dick move.

Firstly: Aziraphale is using Crowley to reassert a sense of control over the situation because he is spiraling. He can't assert control over his life and his shop, which is one thing that he falls back on heavily, and that leaves him scrambling to find somewhere where he can control his situation. He makes Crowley go through this whole unnecessary apology and dance routine because it makes him feel like he has control over SOMETHING in his life right now.

Secondly: Aziraphale is also enacting his own trauma on Crowley. He's treating Crowley the way Heaven treats him. This is a direct parallel to the way Crowley terrorizes his house plants because he can't do anything to the people who actually caused his trauma. This is, obviously, wildly unfair of Aziraphale to do - and I'm fairly sure there are other small moments where Aziraphale does this in a mild way, I'd have to rewatch again.

These are both behaviors common in CPTSD caused by environments that apply this constant state of stress.

I'm not going to say it's right, or that Aziraphale isn't being a bit of a bastard in this moment - he absolutely is - but this behavior does have some obvious triggers that might be easy to overlook. It's just important to understand that Aziraphale is falling into self-preservation habits that are actively detrimental to his relationship with Crowley. It's not just the manipulation, he's also hiding things and lying to Crowley when he really shouldn't be - both things often necessary in abusive environments - but he's doing it because that's the method that he's created that works with his abusive relationship in Heaven and he's falling back on it because he feels unsafe. The trouble is, this survival tactic does not work with Crowley and actively makes things worse because it shuts down open communication entirely.

This makes me think, once again, about the Ball.

Aziraphale starts season 2 under high stress. He and Crowley have had four years since Armageddon, but they’ve spent those for years tentatively working on this life together while also waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s a really fragile situation and Gabriel’s arrival shatters it.

OP’s point about Aziraphale inviting Gabriel into his safe space — that’s characteristic of this whole season. Everything safe, everything sacred to Aziraphale, the bookshop, the Bentley, food and other earthly pleasures, Heaven/Hell encroaches on. So Aziraphale’s story over this season is him trying to reassert control over his situation, getting increasingly desperate for control. His stubborn insistence that everything’s going to be fine, everything’s going to work out.

The Ball is the culmination of that arc for Aziraphale. He comes back to Soho reeling from Shax’s invasion of the Bentley and immediately throws himself into planning the perfect Ball, the perfect love story for Nina and Maggie (and for him and Crowley). Literally orchestrating the entire thing, literally controlling the outfits, the dialogue, the music and the dancing. The vibe is very ‘This has to go exactly the way he’s envisioning it or he will fall to pieces’ throughout that whole scene. OP makes me think of how he shuts down Crowley’s warnings to his face, pulls him onto the dance floor.

And then Hell storms the bookshop, and Aziraphale does the most drastic thing to regain control of the situation: he throws his Halo. The only thing he can think to do that will make everything just stop.

So thinking of Aziraphale this way, looking at his arc throughout the second season in this light, his reaction to the Metatron’s offer and the way he presents it to Crowley makes more sense. A lot of y’all have pointed out that he never actually verbally accepts the Metatron’s offer. He says “I don’t know what to say” and the Metatron says “go tell Crowley the good news.”

Aziraphale is trapped again, feels powerless again. He doesn’t actually get to make a choice here. That’s clear to him. What he can do, though, during the walk across the street, is convince himself that this is a Good Thing, Actually. They can remake Heaven together, won’t it be wonderful?

The only thing Aziraphale can control in this situation is his own mindset, his own mental framing of what’s happening. I’ve seen people theorize that his enthusiasm in the bookshop is an act, and I sort of agree? But it’s not an act he’s deliberately putting on to hint to Crowley that something’s wrong. It’s an act he’s putting on for himself, that he needs to put on for himself, convincing himself that everything has worked out for the best and he’ll have Crowley and it’s all going to be great.

And then Crowley’s refusal to come with him shatters him. Crowley’s kiss hurts him. And so he hurts him back. “I forgive you.” Fine, go then. I release you. I said “I need you” but I don’t need you after all. And his smile in the elevator, once again, everything is fine, and I don’t need Crowley, and I can do this on my own. Everything has worked out for the best.