I see light at the end of this tunnel

the parallels between dean killing amy in front of her son’s eyes and azazel killing mary in front of sam (and john and dean) physically pain me.

amy and mary both did what they had to to save their sons, then both mary’s sons grew up hunting the thing that killed their mother, while amy’s son told dean, “the only person I’m gonna kill is you” setting him on the same path of revenge that destroyed the winchester family.

1x01 Pilot

Sam stood up to Dean for Jack. 

Sam defended Jack and called Dean out for that conversation at the end of 13x02.

Sam bringing up his powers, his destiny (boyking!sam), and how Dean protected/didn’t give up completely/didn’t put down Sam. 

That scene happened tonight. 

Those last five minutes watered my crops and tiled the soil. I’m living. 

The harsh truth, though, is that Sam has NOT been the exception to Dean’s emotional and physical violence. He’s been the focus of it. And Dean, Sam, and canon have never dealt with that. And they need to. 

Or rather, they’ve dealt with it by lying about it. Dean, and Sam, and canon.

That won’t change, of course. But that’s going to leave what they do with Sam and Dean’s relationship, and with the other relationships built in tandem or parallel to it, fundamentally dishonest.

Until Sam and Dean both have an utterly horrified realization that Sam being grateful to Dean for not murdering him is FUCKED THE FUCKING HELL UP, progress is not going to happen.

And until the show stops treating it as OK for Dean to be judge, jury, and executioner as long as he’s a merciful judge and jury and an executioner who stays his hand, the show’s vision is still going to be horrific to me. They’ve got Dean lodged in a position of power in such fundamental, invisible ways that I don’t think they know how to think outside that box. 

Sam telling Jack that he’s not evil, and that his powers are not evil (not just because they can be used for good, but because he is good) is so incredibly upsetting when you consider that Sam always considered a part of himself evil, that he considered his powers evil, even when he said he’s using them for good.

I wish Sam could believe in himself the way he believes in other people.

like what possible interpretation of events could lead one to believe that sam (or anyone other than cas) let lucifer out of the cage? like pls tell me i can not figure it out. it’s unquestionably false to lay any, ANY, of the blame or responsibility on sam winchester.

The same interpretation that said that in season 5 it was only Sam who was responsible fir letting Lucifer out while Dean broke the first seal, Castiel let Sam out of the panic room and all angels and demons helped breaking the seals.

Not it’s all of them who broke him out as Castiel said yes and Sam was down for being tortured for eternity AGAIN before letting Lucifer out again.

Sam releases Lucifer by mistake thinking that he was killing a powerful demon in season 4. Gets blamed for it even in season 9.

Cas releases Lucifer knowing that it’s a bad idea, but thinking of it as a last resort. Is told that he did the right thing.

??????

— John Winchester’s Journal

14x01 - Stranger in a Strange Land

4.10 - Heaven and Hell

Three times Sam saved the world with his faith.