relax kid, your dad ain’t dead, he’s just getting some proper rest (basically, couldn’t help it, had to draw a follow-up for this)

it never hit me how shortsighted Heaven is until i realized they put a Principality (whose entire raison d’être is to protect places and people from harm) in charge of Earth, and then were genuinely surprised when Armageddon came and said Principality went absolutely off-the-grid feral trying to stop it

Where did I read the sentence “you can’t give a Principality a territory and then act surprised when they become territorial”

Honestly, given how Heaven reacts to everything throughout Good Omens, I’m 99% sure that they meant for Aziraphale to be guarding against the humans, and Aziraphale just had one of his “I’m going to selectively hear those orders” moments, and the rest was history.

“And,” Gabriel said with a wink, “you’re going to be a guardian in the human realm.”

Aziraphale nodded and winked back.

As methods of communication go, a wink is quite versatile. You can say a lot with a wink. For example, Gabriel’s wink meant:

You’re going to go down to that earthly territory and make sure those hairless monkeys don’t do anything to get in the way of the divine plan and make sure they know what it is to fear the wrath of the Almighty and behave themselves as lesser beings should.

And as far as he was concerned, Aziraphale’s answering wink meant: I shall indeed descend to the earthly plane full of gross matter and hairless monkeys and be sure to keep them in their well-deserved place, beneath our divine heel.

Whereas Aziraphale, on the other hand, thought that Gabriel’s wink was more along the lines of: You lucky beggar Aziraphale, getting to go down there and look after God’s new humans and all the exciting things they have to make and discover. Now you go down there and experience all the humans have to offer and protect them with your life.

And therefore, his own wink had meant: Message received and understood. The humans will never have a more stalwart guardian. Looking forward to seeing what sushi is when it comes around.

It took quite some time for angels to learn the important of using words when dispatching pedantic principalities on human-sitting duty.

reblogging for the wink

kakashi plz

this is so soft

so at the bar in which I work, there’s an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with ‘doorman’, which has led to me befriending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan. 

now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the absolute love of my life. I don’t care that he’s a decade older than me and has a fiance. you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they’re simply referred to as ‘a character’? that’s Doorman Dan. now, before I get into his personality, let’s describe his appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scandinavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now, add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper.

that’s Doorman Dan. 

since meeting him last year, I’ve discovered:

I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him

Foiled!

Today I got to go on one of our runs to more rural shelters to help relieve overcrowding there. We ended up bringing back 21 kittens and 10 dogs. So fun day. But this morning, while I was getting stuff together in preparation for the 90 minute drive…. This happened.

Excuse you Tiniest Opossum, but you are NOT allowed to escape through the front bars of the cat carrier we were housing you in. I’m going to put you back.

“NO!”

I am going to catch you and put you back and you have no say in this matter.

“NO!”

Catching you and putting you back now.

“NOOOOOO!”

Aaaand back you go. Let go of the purple towel and go in the cardboard box.

“Noooooooooooo!”

This is why I’m on Tumblr. 

Thats strangely the most adorable thing I have ever seen!

ok but has anyone considered… stormtrooper memes. stormtroopers with injokes. stormtroopers quietly passing along little nudges and references while they’re standing guard or patrolling endless hallways. hux pausing halfway through a speech, suspiciously— he just heard a very tiny, staticy giggle. like,

Finn accidentally slipping into stormtrooper memes while with the Resistance and getting some odd looks.

Finn trying to explain to them why their Force-using manchild deadly enemy destroying property in a rage is funny and getting some more odd looks.

Finn feeling a little knot in his gut when he realizes he’s never going to be able to tell these jokes again. How’s he even going to connect to these people enough to make them laugh when they’re all scared shitless? How’s he going to carry his entire squad around in his head when he can’t even speak their language anymore?

Meanwhile Rey’s standing there squinting suspiciously at a pinecone.

Okay but Rebels who see Finn being upset and making a concerted effort to figure out meme culture. Rey and Jessika talking it out while Jessika is teaching Rey the cultural miscellany of Resistance and pilot culture.

Rey being the first one to get it, because she synergizes what Jessika’s telling her and what Finn’s explaining and realizes, this is all communication around communication, the key point is shared understanding, and then she starts making her own, with Jessika, and Finn picks it up, and soon the whole base is in on this bastardized mix of stormtrooper meme and purely Resistance meme and a ridiculous combination of the two.

And then they interact with stormtroopers and something goes on in the background on the First Order side and a Resistance soldier asks, “Is Kylo Ren having a moment?” and there’s muffled laughter and an absence of blasterfire from the stormtroopers.

Pretty soon there’s a whole code that stormtroopers and resistance soldiers can use to communicate. “Nothing to see here, move along” means “I’m ignoring you on purpose, don’t shoot me,” and “I’m KR’d” means “I want out, please capture me.”

From the Rebel side, “Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi” becomes “throw me a bone here” in either direction to ask for a favor; “That’s no moon” means “you’re walking into a trap here/we’ve got a secret weapon you won’t like.”

Okay, I was expecting someone to pick this up, but damn, this is even better than I hoped.

The reason I like reading a book in one day is because I love watching people look at the size of the book in pure horror and then back at me like I just became terrifying in their eyes

I had a guy in highschool look at me one day and go, “why do you have a different book every other day? Why not just read one??” I just kind of paused and said, “they’re different because I read them and get a new one?” And he made this face

these are the moments i live for

THE SECURITY GUARD AT MY JOB IS ACTUALLY SCARED OF ME BECAUSE I HAVE A DIFFERENT BOOK WITH ME EVERYDAY. HE SAYS ITS NOT NATURAL. HAHAHA GOOD

the second day after my ship’s change of command ceremony, i see the new cap come around the corner so i call attention on deck and everyone freezes and clears the way.

he walks past me and i’m about to relax but then he, stops, backs up and looks me up and down. i’m sweating bullets because we knew nothing about what kind of a cap was he going to be like was my shirt untucked or something oh god what did i do now???

and he just goes “where’s your book?”

and i blink because i am a third class petty officer but a captain is still kind of terrifying and he’s new and I DON’T KNOW WHAT BOOK HE IS TALKING ABOUT is he a stickler do i need to have a copy of the bluejacket’s manual on me at all times or what?

so i screw up my courage and ask him, “my book, sir?”

and he checks my name patch again and says, “you’re petty officer xxxx, you always have a book. where is your book? are you okay?”

like

cap has been onboard for less than 24 hours HOW DOES HE KNOW THIS?

(i mean, he’s not wrong, i got a lot of shit from other senior personnel about the pocket on my uniform being stretched out because it always had a book in it.)

but i have an answer and he’s the new cap, so i give it: “i finished my last one and haven’t had a chance to get to my bunk and grab a new one.”

and his eyes bug out

shit

i broke the new captain goddammit LT is gonna kill me

and he goes “BUT YOU JUST STARTED THAT ONE YESTERDAY!”

and i’m just staring back now like HOW DOES HE KNOW THIS OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK OUR NEW CAP IS PSYCHIC OR SOME SHIT

and because my brain has broken under the stress of this encounter i ask him

and he’s like “i saw you on the mess decks on my tour with [old cap] and you were on like page ten that book is like 400 pages how did you read it in one day?”

and i’m like SHIT he’s gonna be pissed because he thinks i was slacking because i read a bigass book in one day fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK

like this was not the first time i’d gotten in trouble for reading when i was on watch or whatever but i had maintenance watches i’m literally waiting for something to break and my chief didn’t mind

BUT THIS IS THE CAP IF HE MINDS CHIEF’S OPINION ISN’T WORTH A FISH FART IN THE OCEAN

and so i stammer, “i read a lot? so… i… i read fast?”

and he just stares and i don’t know what the expression on his face means

before i can process this though and come up with a new response, he’s grabbing my shoulder and turning me and pushing me ahead of him where little baby petty officers do not walk because CAPTAIN GOES FIRST

and i’m like “welp this is how i end up in the brig i get to be the new cap’s first captain’s mast it was nice knowing everyone”

idk that or he’s gonna throw me over the side honestly who knows my whole world was upside down at this point

and then he starts talking

he’s like “go get a new book what are you reading next did you like your last book tell your chief i sent you if he asks why you were gone what is your favorite genre and author have you ever read” and basically escorts me to my berthing grilling me about books and everywhere we go people are staring and oh god i’m going to die i am just going to die of shame and horror and this is it this is what takes me out does this count as dying for my country i don’t even know

and that’s how we learned that our new cap was married to a librarian and an avid reader and was not going to have an illiterate crew, dammit.

i never caught shit for having a book in my back pocket or reading on watch again. :D

this is so cute i love you so much im so jealous

This is the best story I have ever read, god bless

The Vanellope Von Schweetz

1 shot cream

1 shot white rum

1 shot creme de menthe

Shake with crushed ice. Strain into glass rimmed with pink icing and sprinkles. Drop in maraschino cherry.

NOPE CAN’T HANDLE THIS CANNOT HANDLE THIS AT ALL.

I AM! SO! ANNOYED! that there was never a follow-up of this scene where harold goes to the office of one of his cover-identities and everyone thinks reese is his boyfriend. I’M SORRY, I KNOW THIS MAKES ME A CLICHE AND A MORON, BUT I LOVE THIS STUPID FANFIC IDEA, AND I NEED IT TO HAPPEN.

Well like, maybe Finch decides that John Warren and Harold Wren need to have some kind of cover-identity friendship, so that if they’re ever caught together, then they can be like, our presence together here at this crime scene is in no way suspicious! Because we’re friends!

So on one of their days off when they’re hanging out at their “jobs” (because let’s be real that happens, and I really want to see John having to deal with having a corner office with windows and shit and his secretary coming in all the time without knocking and not being able to get his company email to work, I HAVE NEEDS OKAY), Harold shows up with a box of donuts and coffee at John’s workplace, and they spend an hour or so talking about, IDK, baseball or whatever, and Harold leaves and John lets slip to his co-workers (ahahahaha ok sorry just got distracted by the fact that his cover identity is probably part of a fantasy football league or something) that Harold’s his friend from… and John totally deflates because they didn’t actually discuss how they even met, but John’s co-worker is like, “Oh. Ohhh. Oh! That’s great! That’s… good for you, John,” and the co-worker doesn’t really think Harold’s a hot enough piece for John, but let’s face it everybody at John’s workplace kind of thought he was sleeping with Howard French, so this is a step in the right direction anyway.

So the next week John goes over to Harold’s office with danishes and that tea that he likes, and when Harold’s assistant comes in to drop off some papers and also to spy on the hottie boom battie that her boss has in his office, John’s busy teasing Harold about the fact that Harold specifically requested two sugars in his tea and he suspects that John deliberately put three in, just to see what would happen, and John’s all, “But what’s happening is pretty hilarious, so I don’t think you can really argue with my motivations, Harold.”

And Harold goes all pink and annoyed and is like, “Don’t you have work to do at your office, Mr. Warren,” and John bites back a smile and says, “You’re right. I’ll see you later,” and the assistant kind of smiles and nods at him on his way out and then goes to find Gretchen in Accounts because oh my God, Mr. Wren is finally getting some action.

And so this keeps up until like, the Christmas party, at which point there’s an actual fight between them in John’s office over who’s going to whose Christmas party, and Harold ends up storming out, tight-lipped and irritation rolling off him, and John’s secretary pokes his head in and is like, “Is.. everything okay, Mr. Warren?”

And John just sighs and stares out the window, all morose, and his secretary is really not paid enough to deal with this guy when he’s in one of his moods, so he sneaks out and texts his buddy who works at that insurance place, who starts a mass email chain, and Mr. French gets in on it after he finds out that nice kid he hired a couple years ago (can’t remember his job description, but he’s good people) is having some kind of romance trouble. And the end result is that Mr. French moves his Christmas party to the same place as the insurance place, (it’s at some fancy hotel in Midtown that has a few different ballrooms) so Wren and Warren don’t have to worry about who’s going to whose Christmas party.

And John and Harold show up and blink at all the people who are pointing out the strategic locations of the mistletoe.

YESSS. TOO PERFECT. idk why i’m so enraptured by the whole concept of their cover identities because ordinarily my absolute least-favourite fanfic scenario in the universe is office AUs. but i guess this isn’t an office AU because it’s legit canon?? i seriously do want to see an episode that properly involves the “life” of one of their cover identities. like, yeah, i’m sure harold hires some work-from-home folks to do him and reese’s cover ID work for them or whatever, but they definitely need to do maintenance and show up to the office occasionally, even so.

also i kind of love the idea of “normal” people observing reese and finch in their natural environment, because wow. those two. all the people who “know” finch and reese for realsies know that they’re terrifying weirdos, and all the Number-of-the-week characters only see them from a perspective of mystified terror, but people who interact with their cover identities on a semi-regular basies would definitely be in a different category entirely.

Kris Letang on Tanner Glass calling Briere the NHL’s dirtiest player (via lonelyantics)

Roberto Luongo on Cory Schneider (via melissaaa173)

A pre-launch photo of the crew. Morale is important - laughing together is essential to real success.