WIP Whenever

Tagged by @changelingsandothernonsense! Forwarding to @paraparadigm, @dirty-bosmer, @archangelsunited, @mareenavee, and @gilgamish. And of course, anyone else who wants to chip in :)

Working on a BIG scene this week, so this time we're gonna go for something shorter and a little different from the usual - with a side of slight psychological horror.

Thalmor Dossier: Saya Indoril

Thalmor Dossier: The Dragonborn

Soulstober, Day 16: Strategy

...depicting the climactic battle at the Summit of Apocrypha :)

Because fuck it, it's the 16th where I am already and I am impatient. Also doubling as WIP Wednesday, so incoming taglist:

@archangelsunited @changelingsandothernonsense @thequeenofthewinter @caliblorn @thescrolls-haveforetold

@choilacanth @bunniletto @vivifriend @orfeoarte @kookaburra1701

And also, YOU. Hand over your inktober stuff. Or just whatever you have cooking.

(Black and white ver and sketch under cut)

Soulstober, Day 13: Ambush

Depicting a certain scene from chapter 5 of the fic :)

WIP Wednesday!

Technically on Wednesday, too. I think. Paging @mareenavee, @thequeenofthewinter, @archangelsunited, @dirty-bosmer and @oblivions-dawn.

This time on the menu: angst, esoterica, and a little bit of gay with a healthy topping of more angst :)

Happy birthday, fic :)

On this day five years ago, I posted the first-ever chapter of my fanfic - a moderately overambitious attempt at novelizing Skyrim through the lens of my Dragonborn, Saya.

Four years and four hundred thousand words later, on April 1st 2023, I uploaded the final chapter of what turned out to be just the first Act of her story - Aad Semblio Impera.

When I started out with this project I could not have even remotely imagined that it would become such a huge part of my life, how many new people I would get to meet, how many new friends I'd get to make, and how I would grow as a person throughout this writerly journey. Even now, I am still steadily rewriting the early chapters to bring them up to par, and work on Act 2 and 3 is well underway - and likely will be for years to come.

If you are not yet a reader, then I encourage you to check out this fic over on AO3 through this link, and share your thoughts in the comments.

And if you are already familiar with Saya and her exploits, then all I have to say is thank you for sticking with me through this journey, and I hope to see you again next time.

Cheers!

Blorbo rotation continues

Whoops my hand slipped

I did a fuck ton of writing yesterday so I decided to give myself a break day and do some art instead. Colorless ver under cut

WIP Whenever

Better late than never right? Poked by the wonderful @throughtrialbyfire and @dirty-bosmer!

Forwarding to @archangelsunited, @caliblorn, @orfeoarte, @choilacanth, and @mareenavee! Limiting myself to five tags this time because apparently tumblr is fucky with those recently.

And of course, everyone else is welcome to join :)

Today's chunk is a rewrite of a scene from chapter 9 of Aad Semblio Impera, "Words and Tongues", where Saya meditates upon the word "Yol" to learn its meaning without absorbing the knowledge from a dragon or another Thu'um user.

Total fragment length is 1847 words.

Saya in an apron, because I can

Man I've got nothin, I just love her. No fucking wonder everyone has a crush on her goofy lil ass.

WIP Whenever!

Almost wasn't late this time, too. Damn.

Paging @caliblorn, @corviride, @archangelsunited, @mareenavee, @changelingsandothernonsense

@kookaburra1701, @paraparadigm, @dirty-bosmer, @throughtrialbyfire (thank you for the tag!) and @bunniletto. And of course, everyone else is welcome to join!

Gay pining under tab~

WIP Wednesday

Almost on Wednesday this time! Should still be Wednesday in some places I think. Paging @mareenavee, @archangelsunited, @gilgamish, @thana-topsy, @viss-and-pinegar, @ego-osbourne, @kookaburra1701, @thequeenofthewinter, @oblivions-dawn, @throughtrialbyfire, @caliblorn, @bunniletto, @paraparadigm, and YOU. Hand 'em over.

Gay shit under cut.

Mwehehe, I see your challenge and I accept! OC is Saya, as per usual. OC Trauma ask game from over here.

For Saya, this question has already been answered in this post, but in the spirit of the game I will talk about the Vestige instead, since both of them are technically Saya.

The Vestige, full name Sahyati, has quite obviously died - her story kinda begins with being kidnapped by the Worm Cult and ritually killed by Mannimarco. This first death is also the most profound, since becoming the Vestige has been... traumatic in many ways.

A lot of her journey is about struggling with identity. Even before she was the Vestige, Sahyati was trans - originally a male Ashlander born under the name Suhnayaran, she eventually left her home to search for magical means to change herself to appear as she wanted. In a way, becoming the Vestige has fulfilled this wish - the form of the Vestige is pulled along the shape of the soul, its true expression and how it wishes to be perceived. As such, she appears with the body she desires - or one that the original Sahyati desired.

After all, if the identity is tied to the soul, then what is it that makes Sahyati herself? Memories are fickle things. They can be copied, transferred, removed or made up altogether. In a way, the Vestige both is and is not the Sahyati that was - she is little more than a hollow husk filled with something that has taken those memories and made them their own.

This issue is complicated further by the fact that each death has a cost. Before she acquired Shalidor's spell of eidetic memory, Sahyati suffers from memory degradation with each death - though her body reforms perfectly every time she dies, a little bit of her memories become lost with each incarnation. Because of this, by the time Sahyati finds herself sieging Coldharbour again, there is practically nothing left in her of her past life - there's little more than echoes and faint emotions and imprints of things that she can't quite recall but that make her heart ache nonetheless. The only memories she truly, completely retains are those that take place after her death at Mannimarco's hand.

She had a little sister, once, back in the tribe. A sister that learned of her death and has thrown everything she had away to become a soldier for the Ebonheart Pact, all in a self-destructive quest to avenge Sahyati.

They meet as strangers, as she stares into a face that belongs to her elder sister - a ghost, staring back at her with her eyes - and yet when Sahyati speaks, the only thing she asks is: "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

And yet, she does. There are still wisps, blurs, half-existing recollections of the life they once had. Sahyati gets to know her again, becomes family with her again, knows herself through her little sister's stories that feel familiar but so foreign, so distant so as to not have happened at all.

At the end, she's the only family she remembers ever having.

For Saya, her greatest fear by far is being left alone. She loves strongly and she loves deeply. She is greedy, in that regard. Much of her love life is comprised of her loving someone but fearing to ever admit it because she's scared of losing them because of it - and in so doing, everyone person she's ever felt something for left her life, because she was too scared to commit.

She burns herself away like a candle. It's something that Miraak calls her out on when they fight: she does not care about the world so long as the few people in it she does care about are safe. And in a way, that's also why she's so self-destructive - because if she dies throwing herself at a hopeless task, then at least she won't live to see the people she fights for grow disillusioned with her, and she will instead remain nothing more than a fond memory within their minds.

Serana doesn't stand for it, of course, but it takes a long time to unlearn this behavior.

As for the Vestige, she already lives that nightmare every day. Being a vestige, functionally a daedra, means being immortal and living to see everyone you knew and cared about die before your eyes. Her sister dies in Coldhabour fighting to save her. Her mother and father grow old and die without her ever really calling them "mom and dad" ever again. Her lovers - and she's had many, her reincarnation didn't get her sexual inclinations out of nowhere - all disappear from her life one by one, some because of breakups, some because of death.

This may very well be the reason why Saya fears loneliness so much. Another bit of "inheritance" from her past self. But while Saya is relearning how to deal with it, the Vestige has already grown numb to it and no longer fears loss as much. It is part of life, plain and simple. With her eidetic memory, she remembers everything - every single detail, every second spent with them, every word exchanged, every touch, every sensation, every emotion.

The only thing she fears now is forgetting.

For Saya, I think the one that works the most is "The Reason I Wanted To Die" by Amazarashi. I use the cover by Mochi because I prefer her voice, but the lyrics are really what hits home in this case. There are many others, but I don't think I can really quite pick out one that fits her character's psychology more.

As for the Vestige, I think the one most reflective of her melancholy is Rene Ryugasaki's cover of "Monster Song". It doesn't come with lyrics unlike the former, but it's a song about reminiscing about someone you once knew and loved, and remembering them by a song you shared - the one memory that refuses to disappear.

Thank you for the ask :)

Hi hi Mori! Trauma ask game from here. Answering for Saya and for the fun of it, Serana.

When it comes to Serana, she has indeed died once before. The ritual she undertook as part of becoming a Daughter of Coldharbour was... violent, and for a brief time she was indeed dead - before Molag Bal gave her a drop of her blood to bring her back as a vampire, as he did with Valerica.

Ever since then, however, Serana's powers have more or less meant that she's not exactly alive to begin with. She has taken wounds that in normal people would be fatal, such as when a Falmer shot her through the throat in Alftand, but being a Daughter of Coldharbour means that so long as she is well-fed and her heart and brain both stay intact, any injury short of regrowing limbs is possible to recover from.

When it comes to Saya... ha. Haha. Fuck.

So in a scrapped draft of the fic, Saya did actually die once - by Miraak's hand, even. She would've had her soul devoured and Mora would resort to bringing her back with a vestige, forcing her to basically restart her mastery of Thu'um from zero. However, I later changed my mind about that plot.

As it currently stands, Saya has not died... yet. She has come quite close, especially when she lost against Miraak at the Summit of Apocrypha, but Mora has brought her back from the brink.

Aside from that, the closest I can think of is a little scenario I have in the works, which is Saya being killed in a fight against a dragon and dragon priest duo, but not before dealing fatal wounds. What would happen then is Serana would finish off the dragon and then forcibly draw its soul out from the bones to make Saya devour it, which makes Saya suddenly wake up and start rapidly healing her injuries.

Besides the above, the current Saya who lives in 4E 201 is a reincarnation of the original Saya's soul, who was the Vestige in 2E 582. But I consider them different people, so any details on her death(s) would be subject to a different ask :)

Serana is a dangerous mixture of fearful and naive. She does not instantly trust people but she is so starved for affection from her family's abuse that it does not take much for her to get attached, at which point she is prone to rationalizing just about any harmful behavior that befalls her, which serves as one of the biggest sticking points in her relationship with Saya.

Saya, meanwhile, is more on the paranoid side. This isn't to say that she can't trust people or form meaningful connections with them, but there is definitely a certain guardedness outside of a very small number of people. This is only made worse after Act 1, during which she learns about Miraak's mind-control abilities and the possibility of anyone falling under his influence without their knowing is put on the table. There are countermeasures, for sure, but the uncertainty is enough to make her very averse to other people during this period.

AHAHAHA, do they ever!

As I mentioned already, Serana is very prone to emotional dependency. This means low agency, and high rationalization. There have been many cases where she has stifled her worries or desires in favor of just letting Saya take the wheel, but thankfully she begins to grow out of it as things go on. Nonetheless, her reliance and attachment to Saya never quite goes away, only takes on less toxic forms as she figures out how and why they harm her.

As for Saya, her whole daily life cycle is one big self-destructive habit.

She's got a drinking problem, as she habitually uses it to de-stress, though (thankfully) rarely to the point of being blackout drunk. She similarly uses sex as a coping mechanism, bottling up her emotions and forgetting herself in casual dalliances and erotic fantasies. She very rarely allows herself to be truly emotionally open, especially when it comes to acknowledging and addressing her weaknesses, faults, and needs in a healthy way.

All of this is in part because of the cultural environment she grew up in, where action and will is put above all, which effectively means that any unhappiness on her part is basically the result of personal failure or weakness. As a result, she lives in a perpetual cycle of working herself ragged, then trying to rest only to find herself increasingly anxious, and then throwing herself face-first into work again to avoid confronting those anxieties.

At their cores, I think both of them need to learn that love isn't something that needs to be "earned" and that it's okay to want and need it. And thankfully, they should reach that conclusion with each other's help. Someday.

Hello hello! Ask game found here.

I think for the sake of some variety, I'll throw in Eilif to go with Saya :)

For Saya, this prompt has already been answered here.

As for Eilif, I would say he is probably her direct opposite. Rather than being quick and momentum-based, he is much more slow and methodical. You will rarely catch him moving at anything faster than a walk, and he's definitely not the type to run. As a shepherd, his crook has often served as a sort of improvised cane for him - a habit which has extended to his staff once he became the dragon priest we know as Miraak.

In combat, his movement is fast and it is heavy. Millennia spent in Apocrypha and the dozens of spells constantly amplifying his physical characteristics produce a terrifying effect that his attacks have barely any startup movement, making them very difficult to defend against. The sword he has received from Mora, Firstblade, is as much a strength of his arsenal as it is a matter of necessity - while its shapeshifting abilities certainly come in handy to trick and mislead opponents with attacks of variable range, it is also simply the only weapon that can reliably withstand the force behind his blows.

I would say that, unlike Saya, who is more focused on flexibility and rhythm, his style focuses more on raw strength and applying constant, repeated pressure at an unbearable pace.

Eilif is rather well-disciplined in this regard, partly because of his training both before and during his time as a dragon priest, and partly because of his personality. He is easily able to spend long periods of time in complete stillness, almost to the point of forgetting to breathe, with the most comfortable pose to hold being with both hands behind him to support his back.

By contrast, Saya is the most fidgety bitch this side of Nirn - she has to be moving at all times, even when she's not supposed to. When standing, she is liable to pace back and forth, tap her foot, shift her weight back and forth from one leg to the other, do stretches, or try to crack her knuckles. When sitting, she tends to bounce one leg, kick her feet idly, or (if she is writing) spin her pencil between her fingers. This isn't to say she is incapable of being still - when the situation requires it, she can keep herself under control, but it definitely takes an active effort to remain motionless.

Thank you for the ask!

BISHOP!! Hi :D Ask game from here.

OH BOY DOES SHE EVER!

One of Saya's most visible features are her freckles, which she gets from her father. As far as piercings go, both of her ears are pierced so she can wear earrings, but whether or not she actually puts them in is a day to day thing. I have contemplated giving her tattoos, but eventually decided against it simply because it would make her design a little too busy (muscle definition, freckles, and scars already leave little room for the eye to settle with my simple art style).

Scars, however, are a whole story. Over the course of Act 1 she accumulates a significant number:

She likely also had some from earlier in life, but I have not given it too much consideration, and they have likely healed over given that it's been quite a while since she has tried actively adventuring as a profession.

She gains a few new scars in Act 2 as well, but those would generally be spoilers so without any specifics:

I actually have an illustration for this!

Unfortunately the second drawing is quite a bit older and I'd like to redo it sooner rather than later, but haven't been able to find the time and spoons.

In short, Saya dresses light during warmer seasons. Loose shirts, simple pants, potentially rolling up the sleeves if it's hot enough, and an optional cinch to emphasize the waist. Clothes that are easy to move in and easy to get out of, should the opportunity arise. Simple, comfortable, attractive.

During the winter, the philosophy of movement above all else stays. She starts wearing a gambeson in place of a cloak because by the time late fall comes in the fic, she has had a number of rather good reasons to not leave herself unprotected even in a casual setting. I've been playing with the idea of making the coat shorter and lighter so that she can actually wear it under her armor, but that's still pending.

She rarely changes outfits, and honestly that's more up to a lack of time and money than anything else. She'd probably pay more attention to her wardrobe if she actually spent a significant amount of time in casual settings. As it stands, most of her days pass on the road, in full equipment, so she doesn't have the luxury of worrying too much about fashion.

Oh boy, I think this one's a bit out of my area of expertise.

Hmm... I would say if Saya has any preference for fabrics, it'd be fabric that breathes well. She's a smith by trade back at home and frequently spends time in a high-heat environment that leaves her drenched, so having clothes that somewhat compensate for that is a lifesaver. So... cotton and wool are go-to, I suppose?

I don't think she'd like silk or velvet, though. Something about how smooth it feels to the touch does not quite compute well with her brain.

I have mentioned this in other asks, but Saya's most treasured piece of clothing is definitely her leather boots. They have been with her for decades, and while there is no particular meaning behind their acquisition, they have a lot of value simply because finding comfortable footwear in her size is an absolute nightmare.

Also, they are enchanted to be waterproof, so that's a nice bonus.

Thank you very much for the ask!