the receptionist was so scandalized when i told her my male cat was named daffodil. “but that’s a flower” she kept saying “why would you name a boy after a flower” like lady…..it’s a cat…..
like when i went in she went “and here’s little miss daffodil” and i corrected her with “actually, he’s a boy” and the woman just fucking short circuited. “you named a boy cat daffodil?” “yes.” “but that’s a girl’s name” like lady….it’s a flower
When my frontal lobe fully develops at age 27 then it’s over for everyone
why are birds so cursed
1. Dracula Parrot. This thing pisses me off like, a bunch
2. King Vulture. the felted craft project equivalent of a haunted ventriloquist dummy
i will never not resent this bird
3. Jacana Bird. This is the most unnecessary cursed nonsense. i deserve an apology for having to look at this. I can feel its fingers stroking my ears
No it does not have SIX FREAKING LIMBS. it’s carrying its stupid creepy spawn under its wings. A+ parents but still, piss off. even the normal 2 legged version isn’t much better
put those AWAY.
4. The Shoebill, which i’m sure we’re all sick of hearing about. this thing is the epitome of a crappy photorealistic cgi disney villainy. i despise this bird.
also this is what they look like standing up. i just feel like i shouldn’t have to deal with that, i really do.
5. Inca Tern. truly, hipsters ruin everything
6. Tragopan. it looks like a star wars species, which i dislike on principle
7. The Secretary Bird. it wears yoga pants.
also i’m uncomfortable with the length of its eyelashes
8. finally, i really dislike this one specific parakeet
in conclusion, these birds exist to haunt me and this knowledge is a burden. birds exist to observe our sin; always watching, they are filled with malice. flee from them
when u cut a bad person out of ur life
please make sure that wherever you’re at in life, you don’t treat it like a transitory period. don’t waste your college years wishing to already be graduated & have a job. don’t waste your single years wishing for someone to be in love with. if/when those things come, they will come in due time and they will be good. but there is nothing like looking back and feeling empty because you wasted literal years ignoring what you had because you were hoping for something better. while it’s important to better yourself and reach for your goals, don’t neglect the present because that’s where you are now and it’s your now that determines your future.
you still have so many years to meet so many people you never knew you could love so much
SO ENGLISH ISN’T MY MOM’S FIRST LANGUAGE AND TODAY THERE WAS A SLUG ON THE STEPS AND
thanks nhs
Bats are basically sky puppies.
on the other hand i can bullshit the ATWS (aesthetic tumblr writing style) so easily because i spent years stuck in that phase thinking my writing was the shit lmaoo i am weirdly fond of it it’s my tacky ass roots…. literally send me any phrase and i’ll rewrite it
i.
aviation says:
this is what i know: you were swindled into wings too-small long ago, strange and unfitting like a scratchy sweater from your childhood that you have outgrown, and your wings aren’t the size that they should be.
your delicate silk stained glass wings are facetious, they cannot push all your sinuous curves off the ground where you’re stuck on your premature grave.
your wings are too small.
ii.
aviation blows early cigarette smoke on your face, hot and burning and scorching, and says; “baby, there is no way you will ever fly.”
this is law.
iii.
you’re soaring, flying, rushing through the blinking constellations and you don’t know how it happened but you can’t stop, you’re too high to care what humans think is possible.
iv.
you’re a bee. you were born for this.
this is probably my fav text post that blew up because i’ve aided countless of people to call each other out… i am here to be an agent of chaos and that’s the tea on that
me, as a kid: i can’t wait til i’m an adult so i can stay up late EVERY NIGHT
me, as an adult, crawling into bed at 6:30 pm: oh thank god
i cant believe americans on tv really say rock paper scissors like???? its paper scissors rock omg do u irl americans actually say rock paper scissors????
rb this with whether u say paper scissors rock or rock paper scissors
me normally: linguistic differences are so interesting and cool! I love hearing different dialectal variations.
me, reading “paper, scissors, rock” with my own two eyeballs: the lord is testing me
*opens photobooth to take selfie*
“maybe some other time”
Zodiac - Part II
Been bored after school a lot nowadays so made a list of my most used sites. Am I missing any?
** DISCLAIMER I’m not responsible for late homework assignments, sleep deprivation, missed deadlines because of this list**
• Commaful - really addicting short stories and poetry
• The Oatmeal - funny web comics
• Find The Invisible Cow - watch the audio for this one….
• The Onion - fake news that’s actually hilarious
• Pornhub - not gonna link it. self explanatory.
• Useless Website Generator - literally does what its name says
• Best of Reddit - warning extremely addicting stuff here
• Funny Or Die - watching will ferrell as george bush never gets old
• Cyanide & Happiness - hilarious comics
• Rich Kids On Instagram - this makes me cry a little
• One Tiny Hand - they literally make hands tiny. it’s so great
And there it is……remember. With great power comes great responsibility
omg commaful and the oatmeal made me forget my midterm last semester
IMPORTANT NEW DISCOVERY
HE’S PERFECT
Sleep is literally the most pleasurable thing ever why do I deprive myself of it lmao
