Here we are

They told me to kill myself, But they didn’t realize I was already dead They told me to be happy, But I knew that wouldn’t happen

So I walked in front of a bus, But it didn’t hit me So I tried to jump off a building, But I was too afraid to take the step

I realized I was too weak to kill myself, I realized I was a failure at that too I realized that if I can’t even die right I would never amount to anything

I found someone, someone I liked But then I messed them up too I wanted to make them happy But I never will now

I thought that I’d be somebody, I thought that I’d help people, I thought that life would be fun, I didn’t think I’d feel like this

But here we are, faking smiles But here we are, dead inside But here we are, cutting But here we are, slowly rotting

I’m choking on the tears, Streaming down your face It’s hard to say, But tomorrow will be a better day

It’ll be okay, the sun will rise It’ll be okay, we’ll say goodbye The sun will set, on the horizon And we’ll be okay, no more lies

I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to end it this way And it’s hard to say, But don’t worry

Cause it’ll be fine in the morning, It’ll be fine when we’re singing Streams of tears long dried, Frowns fading and eyes whitening

Tomorrow will be a better day, Don’t worry, it’ll be okay Don’t worry, baby It’ll be okay

You would never guess, But I'm a mess

You would never know, But I would never show

These scars, these tears These things I hide, my fears

I don't want you to know, I can’t stand to see you go

I literally can't do this anymore, I tried so hard, but what for? I haven't changed, I still hate myself I didn't want to die, But now all I can do is lay and cry Wishing I wasn't here Would it be wrong to dissappear Please, have no fear I'll be fine, once I'm gone I'm failing, I'm stupid, I'm lost I tried so hard, but look at the cost I'm losing you, and for what? Failing grades and a broken heart, Stress and nothing like art I didn't think that I'd be like this I'm so sorry, but I can't go do this So fake a smile, give me a kiss I'll say goodbye I'll drive off a bridge, into a tree They'll say it was an accident for me, I won't feel like this, then Maybe you'll be better off too, And I'm so sorry to do this to you, But give me one last kiss, please

Posted to my personal first on accident

I don't know what I've become, Only ever happy with you, And as soon as you're gone, My tears flow, just on cue I'm clinging to you so much, I'm hoping that you'll save me, Save me from myself, Please, don't ever let me be I hate myself when I'm alone, When I'm alone I'm not the same, I can't smile, I can't laugh And there's no one left to blame This love, this hate, this pain Everything I feel is so wrong, Nothing even makes sense anymore, And I've been like this far too long I just want to end it all I want to say goodbye to myself, I want to say goodbye to everything, And then, I want to laugh I want to be happy, I want to be calm I want to leave this place I want to love myself, to be myself I want to win this forsaken race This race against myself, This race against my thoughts, I want to see a last sunset So much so that I ought I ought to leave in the night, I ought to drive to the sunset, I ought to have one last happy day, And then I ought to rest So goodbye myself, Goodbye everyone else, I'll say I loved myself, And disappear into the night

I'll tell myself that it's okay, I'll lie to you, tell you I'm fine I'll hide the tears, I'll show you smile I'll show you I'm okay, for today

We'll say goodbye, give a parting word We'll act like everything's okay, We'll act like this isn't goodbye today, We'll part ways, smiling, hiding our tears

Tonight, we'll shed our tears Tonight, we'll open ourselves to the night Tonight, we won't have to pretend, Tonight, we won't have to fight

Tomorrow, you'll wake up, and I won't be there Tomorrow, you'll think I just don't' care Tomorrow, we won't talk, you won't know Tomorrow, you won't know, I'll be so broken

I'll hide myself away, tearing myself down in secret We'll act like we're fine, we'll act like it's not an act Tonight, we'll create our lies, I'll promise I'm fine Tomorrow, I won't be okay, I won't be okay, in fact

My old scars are dripping again, My eyes are no longer dry, And I can't help but want to die, It's been so long, I thought I was better But my old habits have come back, And my emotions are on the attack I don't understand, why I do it to myself I shouldn't say this, shouldn't do that I shouldn't eat this, I shouldn't be fat I'm so tired of judging myself, But I can't live without it, without the pain Everytime I'm happy, I have to beat myself with a cane I hate myself, so how can I let myself be happy? How can I laugh and smile, then hide and cry How can I say I want a future, when I just want to die Everything about me is a contradiction, And I'm so sorry you're seeing the broken pieces of me I'm sorry my emotions flow more than the sea, I'm so tired of myself, I'm so tired of being me I didn't think I wanted to die anymore, But now, it's hit me all the way to my core My body aches, my heart breaks, but I can't seem to say no A cut here, a cut there, no one will notice the scars And now, I'm left with no one to turn to, no where left to go

It isn't kind, to say goodbye, like this It's just how it is, you're right This isn't kind, this isn't fair to you But I have to give up, give up the fight

I've warred against myself, Tore and ripped apart who I used to be, But nevertheless, I can't stand being me I have to give up, I can't keep up the fight

I'm tired of myself, I'm tired of feeling this way I'm tired of trying, trying to change who I am I'm a shell of who I used to be, just a ghost And now, I just want to walk, walk off the coast

Into the cold ocean, to wash away my sins, The sins of the crimes I have committed, The sins of a me that I no longer want to be, Into the cold ocean, to wash away what I have become,

This isn't fair, and I'm so sorry, but goodbye I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I can't go on anymore The coast looms ever closer, I'll see you tomorrow, I lie I hang up the phone, finally done ripping myself apart, no more

You don't see that I can't change what I've done, I can only change the me now I can't blame you, I hate me too But I hated the me then, more

It isn't who I am now, no I've changed You can't know, you can't see But it just isn't me, So if you don't mind, could you give me forgiveness?

You say I'm the one to blame, No I can't argue, you're right I can't put up a fight, I simply say yeah,

Because yeah, what I did was wrong I know that,  so could you please, forgive me? That was me then, not the new me No, maybe you're right now too

Maybe I won't change, no maybe I can't Maybe you're right, maybe we should say goodbye Maybe I'm right, maybe I should just die I can't change, no I'll always be this way

I can't change, so maybe I'll just leave I'll leave this life, a huge and three tears You won't know, my last smile, hiding the tears I hate myself so much, I wish I could change

Haven't I changed? I've tried so hard It's been years now, But I still feel so low I'm still broken and twisted,

I can't understand my own emotions, I can't understand why I do the things I do, I can't understand the things you do I can't understand my own self

I wish I knew, how to change I'm so lost, and I hate it so You hate me too, I know You told me so, in the car

I know I hurt you, I know I still do One last time, to ease the pain? One last time, before the pain? One single day,

One day of happiness, One perfect day, my last gift to you I'll do my best, to make you happy, and me too We'll have fun, like we used to

We'll say goodbye, I'll take you home A smile and a wave, before the tears flow A note on the kitchen counter, sorry I had to go My parents will see tomorrow, and you'll know then too

I've said my last goodbye, for the fiftieth time You'll think, it's just me acting up again You'll think, I'm just saying it again But I'll be gone, under the bridge

Water under the bridge, washing away my sins I believe you'll miss me, but in the end I know you'll be better, with a heart to mend I'm sorry to have hurt you again,

I don't know what to do, I hate myself so much I don't know how to save us, when I'm so lost I need you to pick me up, but you hate me too, So I'll throw myself down, six feet under the riverbed

I've tried so hard, I tried to be better I wonder if you knew, all this time I did it for you, I tried to be better

It was never enough, if only I would have known Then maybe, just maybe, to you I could've shown Just a little bit more, just a little be more

I never knew how to love, and you didn't understand I did my best, but what can I say When there's nothing left to say, when I can't even stand

To see myself fall, to see us fall apart There's no one left, to pick up our pieces We're both broken, pieces too far apart

I could never express, my love for you You could never see, what I meant behind my mask I wore a mask, because I was too broken for you

I tried so hard, to fix myself and pick myself up But now, we've both shattered and fallen too far apart I smile at you, with a broken heart

I can feel everything, and nothing at the same time I see you laugh, and I wonder why When all we can seem to say, is goodbye

I say I hate you, and I say that I miss you In the same breath, but how can I say that When I can't even miss myself, oh you

I wish I could fix myself, I wish I could fix us Is it too late, to say that I'm sorry? Why do I ask, it's too late for words from me

I wish you'd understand, oh how I love you I wish I pick up myself, all the million pieces I wish I could pick our pieces up, just to be with you

Four years together, and it's come to this I don't know what to say, and you don't know what to do You've said your goodbyes, we've had our last kiss I don't think I can say goodbye, I'll always miss you

It's been sixteen days, and I'm all alone I see you there, smiling with your friends I'm all alone, I wish you'd pick up your phone Maybe I'm obsessive, but I can't get you out of my mind

Two months, and I know you've moved on I can't do the same, I wonder if you miss me at all You told me that you loved me, but I think it was a con It's fine, isn't it, as long as you're happy

It's been so long now, do you even remember I've fallen into despair, and I don't think I can get up It' fine though, you're happy, and I'm out of your life Is this what you always wanted, is it time to give up?

I called you yesterday, it went to voicemail I tried to tell you how much I needed you, I don't think you could understand my pain, But it's fine, it'll all be over soon, I will always love you

Some day

It's been a long run, It's been alot of fun, But it's come to the end, No hearts left to mend Broken and shattered, Beaten and bruised, Torn and scattered, Alone and confused I've been with you for so long, I don't know how to go on Realizing that I've needed you all along You were my best and my only true friend All the good times we shared, All the bad times we fought through, I was always so scared But you always saved me, just on que I wish that you could see me now, Finally achieving something in this life, I can still hear your voice, even now I wish you were here with me, but I'll see you again Some day

I used to look to the sky, Now I simply bow my head and wonder why I laugh and smile like the rest, But I've stopped giving my best I wonder if you remember, 18 years ago in December, Did you think I'd grow up and succeed? It looks like I'll just cost you one less mouth to feed I'm tied and I'm broken, Your love is just a token, A symbol of affection, More like an infection I'm tired of this life, I'm tired of not being able to try, I'm tired of myself, I'm tired of saying goodbye

You told me goodbye, but I just didn't understand I laughed, and said I'll see you tomorrow I couldn't see, that you were filled with sorrow How could I have known? I told you goodbye, but you just didn't understand I held back my tears, how could I tell you That I wouldn't be here anymore, and then, as if on cue You smiled and said you'll see me tomorrow I whispered a goodbye, and as you climbed the hill I shed a tear, a tear of happiness, I hope you'll see I hope that you'll go on being happy, without me Goodbye forever, because I love you Didn't you know, you were my bestfriend? How can I go on, without you today, without you tomorrow? Didn't you know that without you, I'd be filled with sorrow? I blinked, and then you were gone, oh how could I have known?

Bright eyes, full of yearning

Smiles and laughter, full of happiness

Oh where, where have you gone?

I miss your sweet caress

  I hate myself, and yet I can’t tell you why

Tears fall in secret, while I show you my fake smiles

And when will be the last time we say goodbye?

You smile and laugh, tell me you’ll see me tomorrow

  But when tomorrow comes, will I be here?

If I could no longer stand beside you,

If the silence we shared was final,

What would you do?

  Seventeen years, a room full of meaningless things

What does anything mean, when your heart is empty?

No more bliss, no more happiness in me

Oh where, where have you gone?

  I miss your sweet, gentle caress

You keep saying that word, I keep asking why, But no, that doesn't make you care, You keep saying goodbye For you and I, It isn't quite the same, Nothing left to hold onto, And I'm the only one to blame, As the blood drips from my arm, I see that word, and wonder how You can say that, when I'm like this But I think I get it now You don't understand, These last few weeks, have been bleak I've been holding onto you, But even still, I'm too weak To resist this urge, To say goodbye, But what's there to keep me here? I wonder, if you'll wonder why