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It doesn't even matter if I tell people I want to kill myself because no one even cares enough to bother with the hassle of caring

Here we are

They told me to kill myself, But they didn’t realize I was already dead They told me to be happy, But I knew that wouldn’t happen

So I walked in front of a bus, But it didn’t hit me So I tried to jump off a building, But I was too afraid to take the step

I realized I was too weak to kill myself, I realized I was a failure at that too I realized that if I can’t even die right I would never amount to anything

I found someone, someone I liked But then I messed them up too I wanted to make them happy But I never will now

I thought that I’d be somebody, I thought that I’d help people, I thought that life would be fun, I didn’t think I’d feel like this

But here we are, faking smiles But here we are, dead inside But here we are, cutting But here we are, slowly rotting

You keep saying you didn't lie But that's the problem isn't it That you want to say goodbye

Hey there love, I’m sorry for it all I’ve been killing myself for awhile now, Overdosing here and there, Hoping it’d be enough to make me go,

But it turns out it was never enough So let me turn this bottle upside down So let me forget everything And let’s reverse this frown

Let me get fucked up, let me get high Let me forget how to live Let me say goodbye, let me die Let me turn this bottle upside down

I want to forget how I’ve hurt you, I want to forget how I’ve bored you, I want to forget how I hate myself, I want to forget those words you said,

I want to forget how I’ve felt for so long, I want to forget that first cut I made, I want to forget the first time I wanted to die, I want to forget how I feel right now

And I don’t ever want to wake up from my high, I want to end it right there, In the cold, in the dark, high as I can be So won’t you give me a bottle

Won’t you give me a gun, Won’t you give me a reason, Won’t you tell me you hate me, Won’t you tell me I’m worthless

Because I want to get drunk, Because I want to get high Because I want to kill myself Because I want to forget it all

That awkward moment when you’re fairly sure the best way to hurt the least people is to kill yourself and make it look like an accident. That way you’ll be dead, people can move on, and no one will know it wasn't an accident.

If I really make you feel so bad then I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.

I lied, I'm sorry I said I was fine I said I was okay Now I'm awake Through the night Thinking thoughts I know I shouldn't Wishing, hoping That someone will Will take this pain Erase my scars Erase me as I am Will take me away To a better place Because I can't I can't kill myself I can't even do that I can't do anything I never will And now it's half past 4 Another night of no sleep Hoping that I'll be fine I pop four pills in, Making it eight I still can't sleep This medicine doesn't help You'd think I'd be tired Having not slept The night before But these thoughts They won't stop I've written so many letters Saying I'm sorry For killing myself To my parents To my girlfriend To my friends Saying I couldn't go on That I couldn't live And I wonder now What would they say? I mean, surely they knew I wasn't really ever okay I was just the best liar I knew how to fake a smile And I knew how to hide The scars on my thighs The scars on my chest The scars on my arms The scars in my head And now it's just past 5 People are beginning Starting their day Waking up A new sunrise is about to come And here I am No sleep, once again Wishing and hoping Praying and thinking That I wouldn't wake up That I wouldn't be here anymore And I'm so sorry That I still can't sleep I take some more pills But I don't feel a thing It's funny how that works I can't stop feeling this But I can't feel anything else The hate never ends The thoughts never go away Some days are good Most are bad But nevertheless, I wish I wish I was dead You'd be happier, I'm sure They'd be happier, I'm sure I'm so tired now I'm starting to drift off I'll be up again in time for class I'll go with a smile I'll lie and say I'm fine I'll lie and say I'm better I'll hide the scars I'll hide the tears I'll hide everything And do it all again tonight

Hey there darling, Went to the doctor today Got the news Seems I won’t be living Too much longer Oh, darling, I waited too long And I’m so sorry I didn’t know It would end like this Me coughing up blood Into my hands, my shirt Lying in a hospital bed Wishing I had checked sooner Oh well, oh well Got a few more months Before I’ll lay in that bed May as well make it last I’m so sorry For not caring I’m so sorry For not noticing The signs of this The signs I was dying But God’s granted my wish I’ll be dead soon And you’ll be fine You’ll all be fine

The bridge over the highway I'll leave and I won't come back, You'll wonder where I've gone You'll think I'm in class But I'll be thirty miles away Looking over the edge Where I'll finally step off Oh no, I've done it this time See I've tried to live, I've tried to make myself better But it never works I never get better I'm falling, and I feel weightless My problems are gone, The weight is off my shoulders I'm sorry for dragging you down I'm sorry for all the pain But don't you worry It's over, my sweet darling I'll plunge into the night Don't you feel bad Because this time, it's all me Oh no, I've done it this time There's no looking back No more running away No more hiding the pain I couldn't handle it, I couldn't handle the pain I couldn't handle life I couldn't handle myself No no no, I've done it this time But don't you worry, I'll make it look like an accident The wind blew me off, I must have slipped So don't you worry, My Sweet darling You'll be better off, No one to drag you down, No one to disappoint you, No one to fail you Don't you worry It's all better now

As I sit here casually writing suicide notes, I realize that writing suicide notes actually convinces me not to commit suicide. It's weird how that works.