I'm Weird

„ugh, ada i‘m not sure about this“ you said while standing in front of your body heigh mirror, worrying about this evening for the fifth time today, put differently: complaining to ada the fifth time today.

ada had begged you to attend with her to the garrison new opening for weeks now. you always said no, but she wouldn’t stop bringing the topic up in every conversation you two would have, until you eventually gave in and agreed to go with her. you wouldn’t have had a problem visiting the garrison with her, if there wasn’t this thing with tommy. you hadn’t seen him since he showed up on your doorstep, asking for your forgiveness. ever since then your thoughts wouldn’t leave you alone, always swirling about his surprising visit. seeing his face again reminded you how much you suppressed your feelings for him in the last years. you cursed yourself for feeling butterflies in your stomach, while thinking about him. if you could, you would not hesitate to grab a swatter and kill each of them. the flowers and letters he send to you regularly wouldn’t help keeping your mind off of him.

ada stood behind you, powdering her nose. she rolled her eyes at you. “y/n i know it’s hard for you to see tommy again, but you can’t avoid him forever. sooner or later you would see him anyway, so soon it is.” she said while putting the powdering sponge down on the table next to her. she came closer to you and fixed some loose hair from your bun. “tommy is a real idiot, i will not contradict, but don’t you think you could try to give him a chance? i know for sure that he is really sorry. ever since he found you i haven’t seen him eating or sleeping. he even neglected his work and you know his distinctive desire to work himself to death.” he paused for a second, now stroking over your shoulder with her hands, while looking at you in the mirror. “you have to talk to him.”

you returned ada’s deep gaze. you closed your eyes, thinking about what she said. you hated that she was right. you could not always avoid him and you started questioning yourself if that even was what you wanted. the pictures of tommy and you laughing together, running through the betting shop in the morning although polly forbad it, when you were little kids or the day you were sitting on the couch, crying with tissues in your hand, because some dumb boy messed around with your feelings, swirled in your head. tommy returned home with blood on his hands, one hour after he comforted and hugged you, until the anger on this boy took the best of him and he stormed outside to find this fucker.

you opened your eyes again, looking right into ada‘s and admitting quietly „you‘re right. i gue-“ you were interrupted with a relieved sigh from ada. „i‘m really glad you‘re saying this, because otherwise you‘d probably cancel our visit at the garrison“ she said, sounding very happy about your previous words. you turned around to face her, confusion written all over your face. “what do you mean?” you asked.

ada looked at you, then to the floor, trying to find words to explain herself. after a moment of silence she startet. „you know i only have a one passenger seat car and as i have a driver i organized a second car to pick you up.” ada said, now looking up to your face again. your expression went expecting, not believing she told you everything. “well it’s someone your not on good terms with right now” she confessed. you froze. you had a dark foreboding. no she didn’t, right? “ada no” you slowly said. already trying hard to think of a plan to get out of here. maybe through the back door?

ada grabbed her clock to check the time and looked at you prior to grabbing your shoulders and saying: “yes y/n and you can’t back up now, he is going to be here any second.” as if it was staged, the silence was broken with a knock on the door. “perfect” she said, while turning around hurriedly to grab her coat from the wardrobe and answering the door. “don’t mess up” were the words ada greeted tommy with. there he was. he wore a red tie with his usual white shirt and a dark suit. topped with a black coat, wich had a red velvet inside. on his head the typical peaked flatcap. it was like everything went by slower, like you saw him for the first time and you fell for him as soon as you locked your eyes with his’

ada looked back and forth between the two of you. she put on her coat and went outside through the door, while she said, that you’ll meet her at the garrison. although you knew you had to talk to tommy you were mad at ada for forcing you into the cold water without giving you a proper warning before. you made your way towards him until you stood in front of him. you didn’t know what to say, so you were glad that he spoke up first. “hello y/n”

you couldn’t move, still weren’t able to say a word. he took a step forward to close the distance between you and him. he took your coat off of the wardrobe next to the door and held it out, gesturing for you to turn around, so he could help you to put your coat on. you still couldn’t tear your gaze away from his icy blue eyes, but comply his offer after a moment. after he put on your coat you went to face the little highboy in your hallway to grab your purse to look in the little mirror above it, for the last time.

“you look wonderful” he assured you and held out his leather glove covered hand for you to take. you couldn’t help but smile at his comment. it was like all the anger, the urge to slap him across his perfect face and yell at him to let out all your frustration puffed up to smoke. your thoughts betrayed you, again. still you could not kill the butterflies, that were now tingling inside your stomach. “thank you” you said softly, not having the guts to look him in the eyes. you blew out the candle on the hightop and then took his hand into yours, to let him lead you outside.

you closed the door behind you and were faced with the gloominess of the night. your eyes weren’t adjusted to the dark yet, but you could make out the purple tulips, you had planted in your front yard a few days ago and tommy’s black bentley, wich was parked in front of it. you walked to his car and he held the door open for you. you sat on the passenger seat, while tommy walked around the car and sat beside you. a thick silence laid between the two of you, until he broke it by starting the engine. after a few minutes went by he decided to start the conversation.

“so i guess ada didn’t tell you about my visit?” he said with his deep voice. you looked out of the window, trying to see something of the landscape in the dark. “no not really, she mentioned it just a second before you knocked on the door” you answered, still looking out the window. you played with the thought of telling him, that you missed him and weren’t mad anymore. before you reflected the thought in your head a second time the words left your mouth. quietly, but he still understood them clearly. “i miss you”

his eyes went wide, not believing to heard you right. he missed you too, a lot, but didn’t ever think you’d return this feelings, thinking you’d hate hin for a lifetime now. he cleared his throat, before stumbling nervously. “i miss you too” tommy waited for you to answer, but as you didn’t say anything after a few moments, he continued the dialogue. “we all miss you, didn’t you think about coming back?” you squirmed a little bit in your seat after he said that.

of course you has thought about coming back, but as beautiful as it was, it was as scary. you didn’t know if you could just go back to your old life, acting like nothing ever happened. of course you’d love to just have to go to the next house to see polly or ada or finn, oh god you haven’t seen finn in ages, he’s probably all grown up now. you really were looking forward to see him today.

“yeah, actually i have been thinking about it” you answered and now moved your gaze away to look at tommy. he looked so calm. as he noticed, that you were staring at him, he turned his head to lock his eyes with you. you both got lost for a moment, but you lead the two of you in the reality again, by saying tommy he had to look on the road. his eyes were back on the road and cleared his throat, and he muttered a quiet “right” under his breath.

“i mean i’d be lovely to see you all again, but i don’t know if i could manage to move alone” you continued, your eyes were on the road now too. his head shot in your direction. “i could help you, my men will carry everything, you wouldn’t have to move a finger. you can move to the arrow hohse.” he said immediately. “tommy, the road” you warned, looking in his eyes. when he reluctantly turned his eyes back on the road, a smile creeped onto your lips, because of his eager for you to move back to birmingham.

you let out a deep breath. “i don’t know if it is a good idea i move in with you tommy” you said after a while. “you know about my feelings for you and i know about yours, but i think that’d be really hasty, don’t you think?“ you continued. he stayed silence for a moment. the car stopped. you stood in front of the garrison. you didn’t realize how fast the ride went by. tommy turned the engine off and looked at you.

“yes, i understand that. so what is your plan then?” he asked. you turned your head to him and met his deep gaze. you took a moment before answering with a counter question “friends?” his eyes still locked with yours. he nodded “friends.” he confirmed. your lips curled into a smile.

you got out of the car, he opened the door for you again and took your hand to lead you inside. you were greeted with people laughing, chattering and dancing. loud music was playing, when tommy and you went inside. you saw john sitting at a table with a woman next to his side, wich you guessed was esme, his wife. he told you about her when he visited you in your little house. opposite them was sitting a boy, looking a few years younger than john. he had blonde hair and the sides of his head were shaved down. he looked skinny and tall, you couldn’t exactly tell though, because they were sitting.

tommy lead you to them and as soon as john saw you he stood up and ripped you out of tommy’s grip to involve you into a deep hug. you couldn’t help but smile at the familiar scent. “y/n i’m so glad you came” he said while pulling back from the hug. “i’m really glad i’m here too” you smiled. “i missed you johnny boy” you said while pinching his cheek a little to tease him. he playfully rolled his eyes at you and turned around.

“y/n this is my wife, esme” john introduced you proudly. you smiled at her and she pulled you into a loving hug, telling you how much she’ve heard about you. after you let go of each other, your eyes went to the blonde boy, who got up now. “and this young man is mr. finn shelby” john said. your eyes went wide. you stormed toward him to hug him, he was surprised but returned the hug after a moment. you pulled back and had your hands laid on his shoulders. you gazed him from head to toe. “look at you, your all grown up now. it’s crazy how long i was gone” you said fascinated. he let out a little chuckle. “i’m glad you’re back” he told you, giving you a sweet smile.

tommy cleared his throat in the background to lead the attention to him. “i think we should get a drink, don’t you think y/n” he asked you. “oh, can you get me a whiskey?” finn asked, before you could answer. you turned your head to his and slapped his arm. you were shocked. he was 16! “no whiskey! you’re way too young. my god what did you do to him” the last part was very much dedicated to tommy and john. “we’ll get you water” you said to finn, while walking back to tommy.

you went to the bar, where tommy pulled out his pack of cigarettes. you declined the cigarette, he offered you, saying you’d only want to have one or two drags from his smoke. as you laid your eyes on the bar, you saw a familiar face. “arthur!” you yelled. his head shot up and a. big smile plastered his face as he saw you. “y/n! you’re here” you went behind the bar to hug him tightly. when you two pulled apart, you noticed that tommy sat on one of the golden bar chairs, lightning his cigarette. you took a look at all the bottles behind you and turned around again to face tonmy.

“what do you want to drink, mr. shelby” you asked him playfully. he raised his eyebrows, looking at you. his look shifted to arthur before he said “we’ve got a new barmaid, eh?” arthur laughed in response. you didn’t bother to answer and just looked at his expectingly, gesturing for him to tell you want you want. “whiskey, irish” he said, taking a drag from his cigarette. you turned around and grabbed three glasses from the shelf behind you and the bottle of whiskey tommy ordered. you poured some of the liquid into the glasses as tommy blew out the smoke.

the three of you took your glasses in your hand and arthur was the first to raise it. “to the garrison” he said and gave you the signal to drink. you drowned your drink, because of the thought that your optimism for the evening might fade soon. after you set your glass down, you took tommy’s cigarette from his hands and took a long drag. you closed your eyes, inhaling the smoke. the calming feeling the cigarette gave you was soon to be taken away as ada joined the three of you. “y/n! there you are. i thought you two had an accident” she said relieved.

you gave tommy the cigarette back as you blew out the smoke. “oh no, we were just talking to john, finn and esme.” you explained, your hand gesturing towards their table. ada nodded to you knowingly. you went to grab ada a glass as well, pouring the whiskey inside of it. she drowned it as well and when she sat it down, she held out her hand for you to take it and yelled “common y/n, let’s have some fun, that’s what were here for” you laughed a little bit at her tipsy behavior, but feeling your body reacting to the alcohol lightly too. you excused yourself to tommy and arthur and then went with ada to plunge yourselves in the crowd.

a while later you went back to the bar, to get yourself a drink. you didn’t see tommy or arthur anymore so you turned to harry and ordered a glass of whiskey. as you took the glass harry gave you, a man neared you from behind and said to harry. “her drink is on me” he yelled through the loud noises of the croud, so harry could understand him. you tapped his arm and made him look at you. “actually my drinks are on the house but thats very kind of you, thanks” you set to him. he raised his eyebrows at you, looking surprised. “oh, are you related with the shelbys? i didn’t know they had another sister” he said. “no, not exactly related i’m just very close with them” you answered smiling shyly. “thank god, i was a bit scared when i saw you walking in with mr. shelby but i thought why not try my luck” he chuckled. “i’m sorry i’m being rude, my name is aldwyn.” the man introduced while holding his hand out. you shook it while looking into his eyes and said “y/n”

after you let go, aldwyn collected all his courage and asked “well y/n do you maybe want to-“ “no she doesn’t” someone interrupted him. “what?” you and aldwyn asked at the same time. you turned around confused, just to look into tommy’s icy blue eyes. “tommy what-“ you tried to say, but were cut off by tommy again. “she is busy right now” tommy said not taking his strict eyes off of aldwyn. “i don’t see her doing anything right now” aldwyn answered boldly. you were surprised he’d talk back to tommy shelby, but before you could say anything tommy had grabbed your hand pulled you to the side.

“tommy what the fuck?” you said winding of his grip. “why did you talk to this arse?” he asked you angrily. “why did i talk to-“ you interrupted yourself, shocked, because he even had the audacity to ask that as if it wasn’t obvious. “well, i talked to him because he was kind and nice to me. he even wanted to pay for my drink” you answered him just as mad. “wow, bravo your drinks are on the house, i always pay for your drinks.” he said. you rolled your eyes at him and said “whatever i’m gonna find-“ you were interrupted once again, by tommy pulling you back to him and mumbling “no you’re not”

you were annoyed by tommy’s behavior now and squirmed in his grip “tommy stop” he looked down at you, before he muttered under his breath “alright that’s it” you looked at him confused, not understanding what he meant. “OUT!” he shouted. the pub fell in silence and all eyes were on tommy. “EVERYONE GET THE OUT!” he yelled again to clear his sudden shout. the people still looked at him confused. “tommy what?” arthur asked standing up from a table. “everyone get the fuck out of here, i don’t wanna repeat myself” tommy spat. after a few seconds the people started mumbling quietly, before everyone slowly made their way out of the pub.

you looked at him, still not understanding what he was doing. as everyone left the pub and it was only you and him left. “y/n i love you so fucking much i can’t even put it into words and seeing you talking to this bastard. it felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest” the worlds left his mouth before he could stop them. your eyes softened. of course you knew that, since he already told you but seeing him frighten off all the people out of the garrison just to tell you probably that he loved you made your heart melt. a small smile creeped onto your lips. “y/n please i know it’s really really fast, but i- i can’t stand seeing you talking other man, knowing i can’t do anything about it. since you left i could not take my mind of you for a second and i-“ you shut him up by pressing your lips onto his. he was surprised, but as soon as he realized what was happened he kisses you back. it was the most loving and passionate kiss you’ve ever shared with someone and you couldn’t help but smile widely when you pulled back.

“that means you stay?” he answered, out of breath, resting his forehead against yours. you couldn’t build any sentence right now, so you just nodded lightly. “forever?” he asked.

“forever.”

I’m fucking loving this. Thank you and keep up the fantastic work