But like, what if instead of that, we start off with the 5000 people in suspended animation and one wakes up 90 years before the rest like in the original premise. And they guy does enjoy the ship for awhile before the whole “I’m going to die alone in a metal box in space” thing comes up. And he’s alone and the robo bartender is can only provide so much company, regardless of how well they make a space mojito.

And he finds himself back in the room where all the people are in suspended animation. But he doesn’t see a beautiful woman. Or rather, he doesn’t just see a beautiful woman, he sees many people. A child holding a favorite toy. A man with a prosthetic leg. A pair of twins. So many people. And he watches the video profiles of all the other 4999 passengers and tries to find out as much information about ALL of them as possible. Because he has 4999 people for his neighbors and right now he just wants to feel like he’s not alone.

He starts talking to them, knowing they’ll never answer him, but it helps a little bit. He knows all of them by name and he cares about all of them very much. Because that’s as close to human contact that he’s ever going to get, because gods forbid him waking any of the 4999 other passengers up and damning them to a live in a metal box in space that’d be fucking cruel.

And then something happens and the ship’s in danger and it can’t be fixed without a human. He tells the robo bartender that if he doesn’t come back, to tell the others that he’s sorry. And he goes to fix it and succeeds and saves everyone, but he ends up being unable to get back inside the ship. But he can still access the intercom and says good bye to everyone he knows before he runs out of air.

And then when everyone wakes up and there’s a headcount, they’re confused as to why they’re one short. And they find out via security recordings and the robo bartender about the man who woke up early. The man who considered everyone of them a friend even though they had never met. The man who sacrificed himself without hesitation to save all of them. And all 4999 passengers are really touched by this and even after the colony is established and it prospers and becomes a fully civilized planet, the man who loved and saved them all is never forgotten.

And I came up with that about 10 seconds after reading the article, checkmate screenwriters.

See I would go see this movie in a HEARTBEAT.  This actually sounds like a good film on its own, and tbh I feel cheated that instead of this, we got gross male entitlement and overall lack of consent.  I’m just going to pretend that this is the real movie, because there’s no way I’m going to Passengers and it’s a shame because I was actually looking forward to it.  

A radio commercial for Passengers came on and THEY VERY BLATANTLY COVERED UP THE SHITTY THING HE DID. “On a galactic voyage to a new colony, two people wake up 90 years early from cryo! Find out why!” I’m obviously paraphrasing but that was, within a small margin of error, the discription for the film. I almost gagged. Like, thanks, glad to know you’re so ashamed of your shitty film synopsis that you have to obfuscate it so a bunch of people will go see that shit and either be HORRIFIED, or see it as confirmation that their creepy rapey ideas and behavior is okay.

The Best Worst Phone Call

911 Operator: 911, what is your emergency? Me: There’s a guy in a car here with a lady who’s really sick in the backseat, she drank something bad, he’s trying to find a hospital so I told him I’d call 911. 911 Operator: We’re sending an ambulance to your location. Me: Also everyone around me is acting really weird, I think there might be a gas leak of some kind.  911 Operator: A gas leak? Me: I’m outside but nobody seems to know why they’re doing what they’re doing and it’s all really irrational, something’s messed up. 911 Operator: Ah, I see. Just checking here, sir, I see you’re calling from a dream phone. You’re having a dream. Me: What. 911 Operator: I recommend you wake up, it will solve all these problems for everyone. Me: But I – Me: *wakes up in bed* Me: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT. 

Thank you, Dream 911 Operator, for determining the issue so efficiently. 

I sure am glad I had my Dream Phone with me.

The dreamers who listened- who woke up and woke up quickly- were really the easiest to deal with. Other than some weird memories or lingering fear those dreamers woke with no damage and usually whole. A good operator could often force this quick wake up to happen even when the dreamer didn’t want it or didn’t understand. They had a special force of will that they could put into their voice. (It was one of the things looked for interviews..)

But sometimes things went wrong and the dreamer wouldn’t wake. Perhaps the operator wasn’t up to snuff or was having an off day. Perhaps the dreamer was simply stronger. Perhaps the dream was simply stronger. When this happened they had to send someone in ti break the dream from the inside before it could grow too powerful. If they were lucky the dreamer would stay on the phone long enough to get a mental location to trace. If they were lucky they could break the fledgling reality before any harm was done and send the dreamer (or bad cases dreamers) back safely.

The very worst though, was when the person did wake but slowly- messily. The dream bleeding just enough into the waking world for them to bring something back. Sometimes an operator could tell this happened and try to trace that half asleep state to a physical location to have it dealt with. When they weren’t so lucky- when the operator thought the dreamer had woken up just fine.. well that’s when things got… messy.

Sometimes, if an operator realized quickly enough that a dreamer wouldn’t wake or a dream was too strong, there were emergency measures.  One of the simplest was an overwhelming urge to pee, and that usually did the trick.  Muscle cramps also worked, but operators were instructed to save those for an emergency measure. More complicated, but often more effective, was casting around for other dreamers in close proximity and affecting them.  Crying children or random thrashing resulting in a kick or a flung arm was enough to move the dreamer to a different dream even if they didn’t wake.   Particularly strong or talented operators could sometimes alert a nearby animal.  A dog licking a dreamer’s face almost never failed to shift or break a dream. In case of a messy wakening the Feline Alternate Technical Consciousness Adjustment Team does the best they can to keep very close track of any escapees to the waking world.  

Oh my god you guys, I thought I had reblogged this and it turns out I just put it in drafts, THIS IS AWESOME, thank you for augmenting my reality :D