I initially didn't want to post this anywhere for reasons, but well, here we are. Likely out of character, so just a warning. But, enjoy some good ol' Oilrose angst!
J slides down the wall of the pod, her fists clenching, the claws at the tips of her servos digging into the metal of the palms of her hands, drawing a small trickle of oil from the marks. She feels like she wants to cry, and she doesn't even totally understand why. She doesn't understand why she's been feeling like this lately. She should be fine, she'll leave the planet soon, inevitably die. But her core beats so rapidly against her chest as if it's going to jump out, and is she panicking?
-MEMORY.log//
"J. I love you," V says carefully, firmly, enunciating every syllable, her yellow eyes gleaming with sincerity, and yet the leader steps back.
"What?" Is J's response, taking another step back, her voice full of disbelief. Is this what her subordinate seriously wanted to meet for? She had-. She had other things to attend to (she didn't, the sun would rise any moment now). She steels her expression, gaze hardening. Looks away. "You can't," she hisses, a frown playing across her lips.
"Really? I can't?" V questions, tone smug, cocking her head, quirks a digital brow. She's smirking, J can observe as she glances at her.
J swallows. Why did her subordinate complicate this, this time? Why… now? No matter, they were almost done on this planet-. V's memories would be erased soon. "I-," J pauses, changes her wording to ones of confirmation instead, repeats, "you can't."
She doesn't elaborate. One last step back. Her wings deploy.
V looks hurt, and J thinks that she can vaguely hear a quiet utter of her name but she doesn't want to care.
J takes off with a quick downwards thrust, tries to ignore the guilt that creeps up on her.
A tear animates and falls down her visor, finally.
-MEMORY.log//
And V kisses her, rough and heated, slams her against the wall of the corpse spire, tail coiling itself around her waist to keep her in place with the canister settling at her side. J shivers, places her hands against her subordinate's chest, considers shoving V away, but it feels nice… V's lips moving against hers with such pent-up aggression and raw emotion, and the leader hesitantly reciprocates, moving her hands up to squeeze V's shoulders. Finds herself… accepting it.
V growls into the kiss, before finally pulling away, leaning her forehead against the leader's, eyes narrowed. "Don't you get it, J?"
Yet, the leader shakes her head no. Tongue feeling as if it's too heavy in her mouth to allow her to speak.
"I still love you, you… idiot," V mutters quietly.
Normally, J would scold her for the insult. But she doesn't even register it, those words serving to bring J back to what happened all those months ago. She remembers? And why does V insist on playing with her emotions like this?
Suddenly it all makes sense.
The realization almost makes her hysterical-.
And she loves V, too, doesn't she?
They are bonded rather closely.
She'd go as far as to say she enjoys V's company.
She's tried to deny it for so long.
And now she breaks. Leans into V, who opts to wrap her arms around J, uncoils her tail so that it sways behind her.
More tears animate. Fall down her visor. On shaky legs though, she stands. Her hands shift out, replaced by three hooked talons. She still leans against the wall, those very talons digging into the metal of the pod, piercing it. Damage she'll have to fix later.
And another memory plays.
-MEMORY.log//
They sit on the rooftop of some tall building, staring at the ringed moon of Copper-9 as it illuminates the planet. The disassemblers lean against each other, both of them with soft smiles on their faces, so unlike their usual selves. But well, it is just them out here.
Although hesitantly, even awkwardly, J moves her arm to wrap it around V's middle, pulling her even closer.
"This is nice," V mumbles quietly.
"Mhm," J hums in agreement, her hand rubbing comforting circles against V's back. "Love you," she mumbles.
"I love you, too," V giggles happily, smugly. J rolls her eyes, though it's playful.
J snarls, wants to break something but there's nothing around and she really doesn't want to break the only chair within the pod.
She ruined it all. And for what?
Because she believed that there was truly no escape.
-MEMORY.log//
She looks down upon her subordinate.
"Well, I never needed either of you," J coldly utters, tries to protect herself, and yet she hates the look of hurt and betrayal that crosses V's expression just before her missile launcher fires.
J noticed the bond that V now harbors with N and that… worker, evident during their fight (and after, when J watched them from the shadows).
She finally has something that J could never give her, doesn't she?
J never really was… affectionate.
And honestly, neither was V.
But that doesn't matter, does it?
The leader always was selfish.
And in the end, J ruined it by betraying them in the first place.
And she could never fix it.
When this stupid spaceship is fixed, she'll be long gone.
Because there was just no point in staying.
