Haven

No seriously he really did.

important distinction that often fails to get mentioned is that jojos jesus is actually mormon jesus

it’s called a what?!

oh my god it is

is it really going to say ass of the bag???

cowards

HGDYKDFCCHCKHKHCHCKGCHKCLC

I'm sorry but I refuse to leave this in the tags.

Tolkien did know this, he left specific instructions on how to translate his works and what to keep. Which is why Bilbo Baggins from Bag End became Bilbon Sacquet de Cul-de-Sac

BILBO FROM THE ASS END OF HOBBITSVILLE

I submit the intro for Hunchback of Notre Dame beats Circle of Life raw.

Especially since the former doesn’t have flocks of pink birds that immediately make me think, “Sure, Disney, you weren’t influenced at all by Osamu Tezuka. Tell us another one.”

This movie was surprisingly hardcore for a Disney retelling of Victor Hugo’s really screwed up story.

It also did a ton of great stuff with God and religion and Catholicism that somehow managed to still be about people and not bring “Why Religion Sucks” into the whole thing, which is aces.

One thing that surprises me is how well the animation has aged. Strangely enough, it looked weird at the time; we weren’t really used to traditional animation blended with computer backgrounds. But now that pretty much everything is computer animated, you can really appreciate how effin’ gorgeous the Cathedral backgrounds are.

Also, God Help the Outcasts is the most honest song featured in a Disney movie. “Honest” meaning it doesn’t feel manufactured specifically to be played in a suburbanite van ferrying kids to McDonalds. It’s raw, open, and genuine.

(Needless to say, there is nothing suburban about Hellfire, ho ho ho. Will we ever again see a Disney villain essentially sing, “Help me Mary, I have an unholy erection?”)

Love this!

The Mitchells vs The Machines (2021) dir. Michael Rianda

I would talk to him about dinosaurs

Reblog if you would talk to him about dinosaurs

This is me during every semester of school now. Why? Why do I freeze up?

compilation of the human & the vampire

And that’s why we should celebrate it.

(via)

I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”

She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it

but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”

as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”

there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”

the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”

one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.” we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”

I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.

Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.

Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.

I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”

i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.

I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”

Every time a friend thanks me, and I respond with “gladly” or “my pleasure”, I die completely 1000% inside

I work at a plasma donation center. When processing donors, we call them by name, they walk up to the counter, and then we ask for their name and donor number. One time, instead of saying “Robert” I hollered “Name and donor number!?” into a full waiting room. Three people started announcing their names and donor numbers before we all realized that I fucked up.

In college, I was a barista at Borders (remember Borders, you guys?!) I once drove through Taco Bell on my way home after a shift. When the cashier said, “okay, that’ll be $5.46!” I cheerfully responded, “Do you have a Borders rewards card?”

I have dealt with so many difficult customers over the years that I used to angrily call my dog “Sir” when I was mad at him.

My first job was at my nearest Panera, and after coming home from a ten-hour Sunday morning shift, I was exhausted; but when my mom called me to come downstairs, instead of replying in the grumpy teenagerish tone I usually would, I said in my cheeriest, fakest voice, “Not a problem at all, let me just check with my manager!” before realizing my mistake.

my coworker went to back up the cash registers one time and she had been at customer service right before. when we finish with a customer we have to sometimes get the attention of the next person and will shout “i can get the next person in line!” but instead of saying that she yelled “HI WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH” to everyone in the general area

I have told my dog “no thank you” so many times after working at a preschool

a couple of times i’ve gotten stuck in a hello how are you good how are you good how are you loop with an equally tired Fred Meyer’s cashier after a long shift but the best time was after a 10 to 10 post-holidays after they told me my total, I asked if they would like a bag today and after a confused few seconds they were like, “no… I have the bags”

Worked in a gallery where we asked people to take off their backpacks in order not to accidentally damage paintings. So when I went to the shop later and saw a guy in the line in front of me, I told him he had to remove his backpack. He probably thought I was politely trying to rob him.

The other day they had me working with softserve and fried dough. I was burned out because I kept bouncing back and forth between the fryer and my register and these people had like, 8 things in their order. We get to the ice cream part of the order, and it comes in a bowl or cone. Instead of saying “Would you like the vanilla in a bowl or cone?” I said “Would you like the bowl in a vanilla or cone?” And we all stopped and had to think that through as my cart runner is staring me down like “tf are you doing?”

I work at Hardees and we have to yell “thank you” whenever we’re told to do something because of how loud the kitchen is.

One morning, my mom hollered at me to wake up, and half-asleep me yells at full volume,

“THANK YOU”

i work with dogs, and i have to be a bit strict with them sometimes in order to keep fights from breaking out. recently, while making tea, the kettle started boiling sooner than i wanted, so without thinking i turned around sharply, pointed my finger at it and stared it down, and said, “Bad boy! You need to wait!” needless to say i was very glad i was alone

I know I’ve reblogged this a billion times but I’ve worked retail for 8 years and these things are never not funny.

I work with horses and whenever someone’s driving too fast I’ll say stuff like “whoa” and I’ve tried to click to a car because that’s a cue for a horse to go faster.

every time i go to order food at a counter my brain always wants to answer with my customer service phone greeting, I just open my mouth and it comes out

and lemme tell you there is nothing like being in a mcdonald’s and responding to “can i take your order?” with “AUTO GLASS, THIS IS JESSICA”

@deadcatwithaflamethrower have some funny :)

The human brain on autopilot makes for some of the funniest shit ever.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE POST EVER

I’ve been working from home for about a year now, as a dispatcher. My husband and I share an office, and the other day he walked in and said I love you right as my phone started ringing. I looked at him and said Hello then answered the phone and said I love you. I had one incredibly confused driver and could not stop laughing long enough to explain.

DELETE THIS POST

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

*clicks play in morbid curiosity*

*hammers reblog button*

I think I find this post every April Fools Day and I am so happy that I do

WHAT THE FUCK

i missed it last year so i’ve had this scheduled for an entire damn year

Great, now I need to clean snorted water out of my keyboard.

and every time we kiss i swear i could fly

please for the love of god turn ur sound on

*boston accent*  “It takes a pet like NO PRABLEM! Nat afraid at alll, Thats a great cat right there..”

Here he is all grown up!

His name is Maui and he still takes a pat like no phrawblem

But he’s still giving you the stink eye because he’s actually a New York bodega cat at Willy’s Deli in Brooklyn and you know how New Yorkers are about Bostonians

That’s a great cat right there

Also his whittle white peety paws 😍😍😍

This one is the winner. Shut it down. It’s over now, you can’t top this.