certified disaster bi

the most painful social interactions are when you miscalculate someone’s meme literacy and reference something and the person/group doesn’t get it and u have to half-heartedly explain it knowing FULL well it’s 0% funny if people don’t have the full convoluted context of the joke and u feel the flames of hell start to lick at ur feet as they all give u a pity laugh 

as a customer thats fair to be honest

when you make a self deprecating joke around someone who’s not depressed

Your money declined 😭😂😂

This guy makes some real Twilight Zone shit I swear.

Me: (Seeing that the customer already has their card in hand, ready to pay) Go ahead and insert your card into the reader.

Customer: (noticing the chip reader for the first time) Oh! (Digs wallet back out of their bag.  Puts card back into wallet.  Puts wallet back in bag.  Pulls phone out of pocket.  Unlocks phone.  Spends 10 seconds getting phone to read their thumbprint to use smartphone pay)

Customer: This goes faster 🙂

Me: (knowing damn well that our chip reader takes 5 seconds to process cards) 🙃

Gotham s4e03: Edward Nygma, warming up under a heat lamp at Myrtle’s place.

Foodcourtia

I have a 17 year old coworker who regularly gets told (by middle aged and older men) that she’s sexy, pretty, etc, even that she “has the voice of a phone sex operator”

Accurate -Mandie