Magma-Grade

can someone recommend some beginner normal behaviors for someone looking to become normal

Power Mac G4 (1999-2004)

We’re talking terashits. We’re talking megafarts.

we’re talking petaflips. we’re talking millipedes. we’re talking antipodes. forget what I just said. forget everything you know. we’re talking betterhertz. we’re talking biggerbits. we’re talking. isn’t this nice? keep talking with me. forget we’re talking. we’re talking gigafucks.

When you turn 18, you go to the Chapel to summon a Familiar, then your future is decided based on its shape. All you can do is name the creature and then the summoning does the rest. After you name it, the priestesses all stare at you with horror in their eyes, then scream when it appears.

"Who."

"Your familiar, what will you name it?"

"Who."

"Your familiar."

"Yes, that."

"You'll name your familiar That?"

"No, That's my mother."

"Your familiar is your mother?"

"No, my familiar is Who."

The priestess pinch the bridge of her nose, her patience clearly wearing thin. Her next words were spoken through gritted teeth. "What will you name your familiar?"

"Who." You can hardly keep the grin off your face.

Finally at the end of her patience, the priestess uttered an oath and looked down at the scroll in her hands to make sure she had the right apostle and not simply someone who'd wandered in to cause trouble. The priestess paled upon seeing the name. Unfortunately, you are the right apostle and you are definitely there to cause trouble.

Her eyes flick up behind you.

The heads of more priestesses shoot up, eyes growing wide. Some screamed. Some fell to their knees. Others fainted, and it would be days before they came to their senses again.

You look back to find chaos incarnate, an impossible being who was too large for the room, too real for reality, and too many things all at once. It was twisting and unformed, smiling and snarling and laughing and screaming with too many mouths; countless eyes gazed from too many places, seeing too many things beyond mortal comprehension.

It looks down upon you.

You smile up at it. "Who?"

It smiled. And Frowned. And snarled. "What?"

"Exactly."

It nods, and you see the glimmer of understanding in its fathomless eyes. There is a spark of humour there, too, or whatever passes for humour in a chaos incarnate eldritch beast. It folds itself down, down, down into a portable form - a feathered body that didn't look like feathers if you looked at it from the corner of your eye; a flattened face with, perhaps, too many eyes if you looked at it too quickly. Maybe it has too many talons. Too many legs. Too many wings. It sort of looked like an owl, but only if you'd never seen an owl before. It lands gently on your shoulder and weighs absolutely nothing.

"Who," it introduces itself, confirming its agreement to the name.

"What," you reply to complete the bond. You come from a long line of mischief, from your mother That to your grandmother How and her mother before that named When. 'What' was a particularly inspired choice of name. Your bloodline exists to remind people that magic, like life, is not meant to be taken overly seriously. It's chaotic, and sometimes it's even fun. You can tell your familiar understands the assignment already.

Who laughs.

You grin.

"We will accomplish many things together," Who says. "None of it will be useful, but all of it will be entertaining."

Your face hurts from how hard you are smiling. "Entertainment is its own purpose."

"Indeed."

"Would you like to go home now?"

"I would like that, yes."

You and Who leave the Great Hall just as the Grand Master Priest walks in and sees the room in utter disarray. You hear him demand, "What happened here?!"

You feel especially accomplished when you hear the head priestess sigh, "Exactly."

“fuckbuddies” is such a great word, love the way it implies the existence of fuckpals, fuckchums, fuckbesties, etc.

I think the static part of that word is “-buddies”, in the same way that “penpals” and “drinking buddies” don’t imply an entire hierarchy of people you send letters to or drink beers with in ascending order of frequency and affection, but rather different modes by which you interact with your friends.

beerpals, letterbuddies,

argumates

there’s dozens of us!

one of my favorite things about language is the way that if someone is having a thought they can send you a string of words which represents that thought (through a systematic network of correspondences) which will then cause you to have the same thought

idek what this says i just pressed post immediately after seeing the word 'blessica'

She must really, really, REALLY want to help her daughter build character.

You know what, Etsy? Sure

it's important to me that you know that Pete Capella, Silver's original voice actor, owns this and wears it.

@shadow-banned-the-hedgehog

OMFG THIS IS THE REAL SHIT THEY DIDN'T PUT THIS IN MY MARINE BIOLOGY BOOKS AND I'M SO PISSED OFF RN FOR THAT IT LOOKS SO BEAUTIFUL

It is!!! Sea mice are really not talked about nearly enough for how cool they are!?? They should be a marine biology staple like seahorses or pufferfish! Their hollow scales can reflect back the entire spectrum of light, which hasn’t been documented before in any organism!

They're very cool n all but what the actual fuck

I mean...they aren't NOT reminiscent to some degree of some kind of abstracted crotch

Wait till you hear about the Priapulidae...

No no, let the people know! :)

Priapulid worms: the classic choice of transmasc merfolk everywhere

Priapulid worms:

the classic choice of transmasc

merfolk everywhere

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

how much does the aurora borealis weigh

it's pretty light

🥘 stillstainless following

full dishwasher kind of annoying actually. release me

🔲 tupperware follow

can we all agree that handwash onlys are attention seeking? you're using the same dish soap as the rest of us but you need a sponge bath because you're too good for a shower

🍳 cast-iron following

op some people will die if they're washed with soap at all. unlike certain plastic divas dishes that claim to be "top row only" like that makes a fucking difference.

🔲 tupperware follow

can you actually fuck off

🥣 countercandy mutuals

☕ mug-shots follow

i love being on the top row like you are NOTTT using me for coffee LMAOO

🐾 dogbowl follow

dusty ass

🍴silverwarewolf following

all tucked in. in my drawer. with my polycule <3

#and these takeout chopsticks too i guess #ok

🥡 lunchb0x follow

Excited for summer break 😃 Can't wait to see what kinds of mold i'll collect this year

#ForgottenAgain #BackpackGang #LockerGang

🔁cast-iron following

anonymous asked: Why are you whining about how other dishes like to be washed when you're literally covered in spaghetti stains

tupperware answered: what if i killed myself

🥤 papercup mutuals

WASP IN ME