A Brief History Of Peter Doherty Being Awesome

- Outraged by the price of bottled water - Walks backwards through pasty shop doors due to said outrage - Tried to bury a dead cat in a pond only to discover dead things float - Wears flip flops with a suit - Lives in a van - Purchased a giant taxidermy turtle - Cannot locate creaking sounds from rocking chairs he’s rocking in - Arrived at Courtney Love’s hotel room with a top hat full of kittens - Fellates microphones - Likes licking Carl Barat’s face - Raised a nest of rats in a cupboard - Favours brightly coloured underpants - Was chased round a movie theatre howling like a banshee after failing to commit cheque fraud - Won’t tip hotel staff unless he can slip a 20 out of Carl’s wallet - Bit Gary Powell on his bare ass - Named three women he was in love with in the space of one interview - Owns a dozen Fifty Cent records - on vinyl - Denied writing a love song about his best friend then immediately proceeded to list the bits of the song that were in fact about him - Carried around a tub of hummus - Wiped his sweat off on an interviewer’s cardigan then asked for her number - Publicly denied that a naked mannequin strapped to the front of his house actually belonged to him - Cartwheeled into a pile of poop while being filmed for a documentary - May have gently lathered a male groupie with soap in his shower - Once claimed Kate Moss dumped him because his manhood was too small - Has published several photos of said manhood - Tested various pink lipsticks in the supermarket and didn’t buy any of them - Bought a book on cat psychology to understand his cats better - Subsequently tried to dump his cats in the forest but they all just walked back home - Threatened to punch Morrissey, his childhood hero, next time he saw him - Took a bite out of a concert ticket when he was too plastered to sign it - Cancelled a Babyshambles gig to midwife a kitten birth - Watches a lot of Columbo, makes everyone else watch it too - Plays snooker naked - Talks to chickens

#Peter #my baby