He Felt It
It woke Kylo Ren in the night.
That terrible, horrible disturbance ripped through his entire being and pulled him from his already fitful sleep.
His chest hurt. His skin felt clammy as he curled on the bed, and a lump formed in his throat that he could barely swallow past.
He had watched – felt – millions of deaths in the New Republic. He had stood vigil after watching the red beam destroy the system. And that pain was insignificant compared to what he felt now. Dear Force, it hurt.
He pulled himself from the bed and walked slowly to the refresher. His legs didn’t seem to want to carry him, and he used both hands on the wall to help his progress. His shoulders felt heavy, and there was something wet on his face.
He leaned over the sink, panting heavily as the flimsy thing creaked under his weight.
He lifted his head to look in the small mirror – a task he did not remember being so difficult before. The dim light that shone during the night gave enough light to take in the mess. Tears dripped down his face, and his hair stuck to his sweaty skin, obscuring the ugly scar. Her eyes stared back at him through the tears.
He vomited into the sink.
His body trembled uncontrollably, and he didn’t bother to rinse the acidic taste from his mouth. Cracks appeared in the sink that he didn’t remember hearing. He gripped it tighter to avoid falling to the floor. His stomach roiled again, and he dry heaved.
The mirror shattered, but he could no longer see his reflection – those eyes – through the tears anyway.
He vaguely felt the sting of glass in his arms as he collapsed to the floor, bringing the sink down with him. The light flickered and broke, leaving him in the darkness he usually sought himself.
His chest hurt, and he doubled over as the tears flowed down his face and dripped onto his arms. He didn’t know it was possible to feel so much, so awfully. The despair consumed his mind as he openly sobbed on the refresher floor. For the first time in years, he wanted the light.
He would never be able to apologize for what he had done. The misery he had caused. For his father’s murder.
The Force had claimed her. The brightest soul in the galaxy was gone. An incurable hole lay in his heart and bore on his soul.
And Ben Solo mourned the death of his mother.
