What do I do when my prayers feel like they are not heard and do nothing, when things I thought were from God go unfulfilled, when I am filled with so much anger and hatred towards my current ever growing worse circumstances? I dont know how to go on anymore. The disappointment has killed my hope and faith and left nothing but confusion and rage.
I got my old Bible out of my drawer because this sounds so much like I did a couple of years ago. I am giving you all the verses I have written around/underlined.
Job 23 , Psalm 63 , Psalm 78 , Psalm 101 , Psalm 116 , Psalm 119 , Matthew 26 , 2 Corinthians 5 , Philippians 3 , Hebrews 1, Hebrews 11 , James 4
It was not always easy for me. There was a lot of pain & bitterness in the margins of this Bible. I worked to be close to the Lord while processing pain because I so badly wanted to be close, even though the season was a volatile one. It gave me perspective on what was still very difficult.
I was talking with my mom this morning & got emotional when she brought up this exact season of my life, & she apologized. I said, “It’s okay, it’s good for me to think about how long ago it was. That was a long time ago.” & it’s the first time I’ve ever felt completely out from under this season, which lasted for years.
For me, being honest with the God I find in the Bible is the best help for heavy emotion & dealing with heavy circumstances. Neither lasted forever, & I didn’t want to give up my relationship with Christ over them. It was the over arching desire from the Bible, because of the Bible, & kept me moving towards Bible.
My advice: Keep going. You can do this.