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#the cat enthusiast – @resignedseraph on Tumblr
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Just now my heart longs for things that probably don't exist

@resignedseraph / resignedseraph.tumblr.com

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religious trauma blog • ex-cult, ex-christian
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If you preach at me or you're bigoted I'll just block you
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they/them • adult under 21 • autistic, queer, and disabled
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Main has "rah" in the middle of the url
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On a somewhat related note, I’m loving how my idea of who’s family has really evolved since I’ve left the church, and more specifically in the last couple years. Basically everyone I knew since I was 3 or so, I haven’t talked with or been contacted by since May 2020, but yet I am so happy in life. “Church family” has shown itself to not mean a lot in my life when it comes down to it, but my chosen family has stayed

I have three people in my life who I consider unofficial siblings! I have a companion in life! I have a couple people who I plan to spend the rest of my life in contact with, who idk what family role they’re closest to, but they sure ain’t leaving! I have an older cousin/uncle figure and an aunt figure and their respective husbands (and one of their yet-to-be-born kids!)! None of them are related to me but I consider them family, because they stayed, and they have shown again and again that they still care about me and the rest of my family, and I’m so so glad to have people like that in my life 💜

#Esrah talks#recovery#hmmm I think I should maybe have a good things tag#like.. good things happen enough for me to remind myself when I feel bad that they can in fact happen again in the future#ex christian#the cat enthusiast
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Apparently my best friend/companion’s class (which is in the cult school I grew up in/left) was having a debate about what should be the guidelines for US citizenship, and all the guys agreed that only straight people should be US citizens. The teacher seemed a bit shook by that but couldn’t really say anything since the school vocally doesn’t support queer people, and she’s part of the administration.

So, not surprising, but I’m posting about it both as a reminder to myself (and possibly others from similar environments) about the casual bigotry that can happen in enclosed environments like that

#ex cult#school tw#esrah talks#ex fundamentalist#ex evangelical#homophobia tw#the cat enthusiast
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My partner and I: *planning on being roommates for a few years regardless of relationship status simply because we get along well and it would be easier financially and also for safety in self expression* woo this is gonna be great

My partner and I, realizing we’ll be perceived as a cishet couple: wait. Wait hang on- wait no shit fuck

#the cat enthusiast
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What if 🤔 we met up after church 👥⛪️ every week 🗓 and told your parents that we were doing an after church Bible study 📚 but we were really hanging out unsupervised 😱😵 and talking shit about our pastors 👴👴 and maybe hugging 🫂 and being affectionate 🤗 because we’re queer 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ and secretly dating 💞🤐 nonono just kidding 😉😅 unless 👀

#WHY is this what we’re planning on doing#literally just. talking shit about God and saying it’s a Bible study#and venting to each other and stuff#the cat enthusiast#ex christian#church tw#Esrah talks
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So my partner (who’s more pimo than I am so he has to go to church events and such) and I were talking about everyday stuff and he brought up how he might’ve freaked someone out a little with his outfit when he went to one of the older teen/young adult events, and I was like “oh my gosh what were you wearing” and I guess he was just wearing a regular outfit but it was, incidentally, all black.

Anyway it was just really funny for both of us and he was like “you know I think they’d run if they saw an emo or something”

And I just. I remember the days where I thought I was so edgy for wearing a cheesy black shirt with “shine bright” written in metallic fabric paint on it, and I realized that my overton window of what outfits are considered scandalous (not scandalous but like. Vaguely gasp-inducing) has shifted so much over the few years I’ve been out of the cult

#Esrah talks#the cat enthusiast#ex christian#ex cult#deconversion#pimo
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ody-ssu-es

There are a lot of things that my family don’t know about me

Me being a panromantic asexual with a whole-ass girlfriend is one of the bigger things.

I was raised in a Christian household and even though homosexuality was always discussed in a negative way, I never cared. Even before I started thinking for myself and realising that I didn’t believe in a god, I felt that it didn’t matter whether you kissed girls or boys or both. 

So when my big gay awakening came (this was when I was still questioning my religion) I was terrified. I was always told that gay people would go to hell, no matter who they were or what good they did. I shoved that shit down as fast as I could. I was 16 when I finally accepted who I was, that was also when me and my girlfirend got together :). The other big thing that they don’t know is that obviously I am now an atheist. Unfortunately I only made this choice after a year of self-loathing.

To this day I am still scared to tell them these things because I just know they wouldn’t accept this. Actually, now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ll ever tell them. Even though they are horribly conservative and they stand against everything that I am, I depend too much on them to make them hate me. I would be lost without my mother.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this, tldr:

Being gay is okay and toxic Christians can go suck a dick :)

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keep-looking-here

Hi, just want to say that I’m in the same boat - went through a big journey of accepting my sexuality and losing my faith after years of stubbornly clinging onto it, currently not christian, very gay and in a relationship (queerplatonic) with a nb person. And my parents know just about none of this. It’s a hard burden to carry, to know that if your family knew the truth about you then it’d break their hearts and possibly your relationship with them, that they’d see you as condemned to hell in their eyes .

It’s a lot of guilt, and fear, and seeing the line between being loved and beeing accepted. Sometimes I think about telling my parents (which I plan on doing in less than a year) and it just plunges straight to my gut because it’s that terrifying. But look at it this way - people like us have had to be pretty goddamn strong to get to the point where we are, and I think, or hope, or believe that that’s enough.

Just - whether you choose to tell them or not, remember that you’re not alone in all this, and that you can be strong enough to keep going, even if things go sideways. That we have a future.

That’s all.

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resignedseraph

God yeah this reminded me of my situation, but sort of in reverse. My parents will likely be entirely fine with my partner since he’s a cis man who mainly presents as straight, and they think he’s a very swee, trustworthy person... but my boyfriend’s parents? In a few years hearing about how he’s dating his queer, leftist, atheist roommate without their consent? Never mind the fact that we grew up as friends, It’s going to be complicated.

Which is why your response meant a lot to me too even though I’m not involved. Thank you. I think we’ll all make it through this

#Esrah talks#homophobia tw#the cat enthusiast
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reblogged
resignedseraph
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yvmeji

Take me to church talking about being disenchanted by organized religion and instead finding worship in your lover and finding commune through esoteric rituals comprised of the very things considered unholy in the religion whose doctrines you were poisoned by on incident of birth.... Hozier really did That

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resignedseraph

I have a lot of thoughts about this

#Slightly unrelated to the original post but uhhhh yeah#Esrah talks#the cat enthusiast
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