@resignedseraph / resignedseraph.tumblr.com
Me and my brother listening to my mom talk about more details of material problems she now has to deal with thanks to her aging parents like:
[ID: two ms paint reaction images. Lined up they show two people with very concerned faces across from each other. /End ID]
IT’S SOOOO FUCKING DIRE GUYS AHA
Despite the whole cult thing I think my mom actually did a pretty great job of teaching me some things as a kid, before I was in the cult
Like, she taught me what HIV and AIDs and other immune diseases were when I asked (a friend had one of them, I think) and just explained how they can make someone's life different, not making any sort of claims about what kind of person someone with any of those is
She also taught me that nudity isn't a bad thing all the time, when me and my brother watched My Neighbor Totoro as kids and asked about the scene where the main family took a bath together. She just said that some people in other countries feel differently about when it's okay to be naked, which is fine
In addition to that, she also didn't dissuade me from learning how pregnancy worked, even though she phrased how it gets started as "combining genetic material," which I think is a very funny way to phrase it to a five year old. We went to an interactive science museum a lot growing up, and they had an exhibit explaining what pregnancy is, and I remember feeling perfectly comfortable knowing that growing up
Things changed as I got older and the sway of church and the later cult got to her, like arguments about why I couldn't run around shirtless in the backyard at seven. But in general, she did a really good job at the start and I'm really glad she did, and even more glad that she's kept growing and changing and learning new stuff, because that's who she really is at the end of the day
My grandma: I want to see scientific sources for your claims and not just what the media says!
Me: Okay here you go [gives citations of actual peer reviewed studies that cover the topic we're arguing about]
Her: ...
Message me about my gender grandma, I dare you
[ID: a pixelated drawing of a person rubbing their hands together, with a pained smile. /End ID]
Just had a truly baffling interaction with my mom where my brain was so confused and vaguely triggered by it that it blocked out most of it in retrospect (not helpful!)
I love telling people that's not my field of study I love turning down commissions I love saying that's not my business I love telling people that I can't make art/can't make art well using a certain medium I love explaining that I simply do not give enough of a fuck
So I'm talking with my grandma and this is how it's going lol. Transcriptions beneath each picture, these are individual texts part of the same convo
From me: that's oddly specific but overall, yeah,
From me: Sure. I mean you're not really being subtle but sure
Super weird how a family can blow up and it might be resolved in four generations or less
Like grandma 1’s parents died when she was a kid, grandma 2’s parents died when she was a kid and never got that addressed, grandpa 1’s parents weren’t half bad actually but he inherited trauma from how his immigrant grandpa was treated and got sent off to a distant relative’s farm during his teenage years, and grandpa 2’s parents were also abusive, not to mention all the sibling rivalries, as well as autism and adhd that wasn’t noticed in any of them until their kids were in their forties!
But hey, I don’t think things are actually going to be so bad for my round of things, I barely think of myself as an adult but I’m actually addressing my issues early on and if I may say so myself, doing a lot better than they ever have
shout out to people who's family isnt entirely bad or entirely good, but something in between and you dont know how to feel about them. you feel angry but you also feel guilty, because you know they genuinely love and care about you, but sometimes they show it in a way you know its not okay. your feelings are valid, your anger and sadness and grief are valid, and you dont have to prove this to no one. bigger shout out to those with memory issues who know something isnt right but can't recall all of the bad events, only the feelings, which only increases the guilt.
My dad: Hey I think you’ll like this
My dad: I was watching this trailer and thought, “Wow who would name their kid [my given name]? That’s so old fashioned!”
Me: PFFFF god that’s funny
My dad: Right?? I’ve just gotten so used to “Esrah” that I completely forgot that yknow. I actually named my kid that
Me: I love that
My dad: Yeah I relate a lot to Columbo. Also I work great when there’s a movie on in the background. Also I spent a few weeks learning how to splice rope and test its tensile strength. Also I adapted to a lot of issues that sound like executive dysfunction
Me: So you’re sure you don’t have ADHD?
My dad: 🤷♂️
Concept courtesy of my mom when we were talking theology earlier: Pavlov’s Wager
Me: I’m dealing with too much brain fog and exhaustion to work on a paper, so I’m chatting with friends while I recharge because that takes less energy. This is frustrating to me too and I wish I could work, but I can’t
My mom: Hmm well you’re taking too long to recharge so I’m going to be rude and mean to you and say you should force yourself to do a crap job at this anyway because it’s not up to my standards
Me: …How the hell do you think that’s helpful. At all.
Wild how hearing that one of my cousins is trying out being a verbally aggressive homophobe/transphobe isn’t something that really phases me, but hearing my immediate family passionately argue over that is something I’m trying to block out with music as best I can because I know it’ll trigger me
Me when I hear secondhand that my younger cousin casually said “faggot” around his family with full knowledge of what it meant: lol. I should make that shirt that says “faggots are fantastic” just to throw him off
Me when my sibling elaborates “we need to figure out how to deal with my cousin not dealing with change well while still respecting my identity and changed name” into “this is a broader issue related to excusing bigotry because of neurodivergence or mental illness, and by having this conversation at all you’re determining your stance on literally every other similar issue, and I’m going to take it upon myself to argue about this for a half hour straight and apply it to every other possibly related issue around this topic”:
[ID: nervous monkey looking away meme. /End ID]
Wild how hearing that one of my cousins is trying out being a verbally aggressive homophobe/transphobe isn’t something that really phases me, but hearing my immediate family passionately argue over that is something I’m trying to block out with music as best I can because I know it’ll trigger me
It’s been more than a few hours since that very stressful conversation ended but it was funny for a moment there, being able to scroll on tumblr during part of it, so my POV was just:
*very slow explanation about the estrangement of our extended family from our immediate family and the lack of community we have compared to them*
*talking about specifics of possibly going down to see extended family and navigating the issues of being young and queer*
*Spock’s hairy tits*
*negotiating how long we want to spend around other extended family considering how draining they are to be around*
I would looooove to have one meal time guaranteed per day that isn’t a fuckin call to action
I would love not to be dragged into triggering conversations that don’t require me to be there and just put stress on me and everyone else too
0/10 would not recommend this particular conversation
